Every Day Is A Second Chance

Yeah , I thought long and hard about if I should begin a debate , infact I had to superglue my fingers to the counter in my shop this afternoon just incase I was tempted , so I've started a new trend in self service chippie's now :)) .

I can't remember mentioning that , I have racked my brains but seriously believe it was indeed our dear friend and my brother Deano who mentioned the Idea , so I don't want to steal his thunder and come on be honest , do you think I'd come up with a good Idea like that given my track record ? , I'd scroll back though my posts but there's that much Shi.ite on my diary it would take me till 2027 to find it and life's far too short at my age :((.

I was waiting for you to start the ball rolling but I guess it was mucking out the stables day today then ? :)).

xx

Oh LB , I can't believe you've been wading through all our post trying to find the answer , bless you :)) So we'll all take a little credit and say it was a threesome then shall we ? LoL , and if everyone starts arguing on there we'll all be saying it wasn't me :)) Have a great night luverly :)) x

Thank you for your message LB

I guess i went through a lil emotional storm. Only now see how confused i must of been. Mummy is poorly, she simply doesn't know how to show some vital connection points to a child. I accept it, i am ok with it & i know it's not my fault..it's not hers either, it's just the circumstances she is in.

Thanks again & hope you're having a great and peaceful weekend.

KOKO

S x

Oh LB,

Sorry it took a while to get your message. Thank you for your concern but no need to worry as my diary took a lil vacation (it's here somewhere but invisible) because of personal reasons i no longer could keep it up.
I will be back on recovery road with it by my side when i am fully ready to face all the demons.

Hope all is well with yourself & you know where to find me at any time if i can be any help for you.

Take care for now and look after yourself

(((((LB)))))) xxx

Feel prompted to write a super quick update afer seeing my first ever post dragged out into the light over on the new members section.Wow, that was weird! Really odd to read it. Anyway, I'm feeling really ok at the moment. Better than ok actually. Pretty darned good. Can't say that every day is plain sailing, and of course there's been a few ups and downs, but overall I think I'm getting the hang of this recovery malarky 🙂

Will update properly soon, but for now all's good in the hood xx

Aaaaaaaawh ! You were so young way back then :)) LoL ! .

But I'm really Glad your getting the hang off all this " Malarkyness " :))

xx

Hi LB :)) . Thanks for all your posts the last few weeks they were greatly appreciated and apologies for not really getting back to you until now .

If your saying you feel that way too , then maybe " Tis the season to be Blaaaah'y" ? , mine all started with the kids , then I was a little unwell ( Manflu ) and then I got a little down over my Diabetes convincing myself it was all getting worse but I saw my diabetic nurse today who had asked me to have my bloods done again and it's brill ! , infact I'm back with lower sugars than when it all began and I'm her star pupil at the mo ( the only thing she didn't offer was a sexual favour ( apparently I've got have Bupa for that ) :(( , it's crazy what your mind conjours up in your head to fret about though and you can knock it off with the " Chins " jokes as I've lost nearly a stone since the low carbing began :)) so pwwthhht ( that was me blowing a rasberry by the way ) ! .

Nice to hear your in a good place yourself and only 9 short of the century ( talk about dropping hints to Deano ) though ? , I'd noticed you'd gone a little quiet of late but glad it's nothing to worry about :)) . I think the forums changing again to be honest with a lot of the old timers having a rest or upping sticks , it's a bit like a cycle on here don't you think ? , I've not posted much my self lately but it's more about life getting in the way really which I suppose is a good sign that I'm finally on a new route through life .

Anyway I just wanted to say Hi and thanks for the Hug :)) It's always nice to know your around keeping an eye on me , I hope you and your's are well and looking forward to xmas and also your string of Thouroughbreds aren't causing you grief on the cold mornings :)) .

Stay well Lb and hugs coming straight back at ya !! xx

https://youtu.be/V2zxHuze_Gw

Welcome back lb
The key to the gates is under the mat one more sleep

Triple digits awaits.

Here's the elevator music lol

Have a good one.

Deano x

Hope all's good with you.

CW

Thanks Deano and CW. I didn't realise it was 99 today...maybe that says something?

Things really are going well. It's hard to put my finger on, but there's a kind of calmness to my life right now. So many times I've said this time it feels different, but this time it really does. I remember so well wanting to stop gambling, but at the same time not wanting to let it go. I wanted to not want to do it anymore, but deep down (honestly) there was always a part that didn't really want to stop. That's changed. I think I finally no longer want to gamble. Which is so different from not being able to. From wanting to, but knowing that I can't/shouldn't/musn't. But what I've been realising more and more is that it's not really about the gambling for me. I always knew it, but it's now making sense and everything that I've been doing to understand myself, my thinking, my actions is all coming together.

Gambling was always a reaction to something. To feelings that I didn't like, or felt I coudln't cope with. To stress, anxiety, sadness, grief...it didn't feel like that when I was doing it. It felt like I just wanted to ching. That I just had to ching. Understanding and unravelling that has been key to me now feeling stronger than ever. Louis talked recently about recovery and what did it mean and time frames around it. And I realised that recovery for me started years ago, before I came here. Before I even realised that I had a gambling problem. It started at the berevement counselling when the therapist gently told me there was more going on than just grief and loss (although I had plenty of that). It continued with the gp visit, the therapy, the counselling, the books, the lectures. It continued on here as I tried to piece everything together. It continues with Kelly and my best friend and, as best he can, with Mr. LB. Must be 7 years or so and still ongoing. But so worth it. I'm glad I didn't "look back but don't stare." I needed to stare. To examine it all, to understand it. Because from that I've been able to feel better, and to reach out and start putting old feuds and family upsets to bed. To heal old wounds. To let go of the view I had of myself...which was distorted and unhelpful. And somehow, I find myself at a place of acceptance. An acceptance of me. That I'm ok. That I can let some things just be. It's so hard to explain, because this all sounds like wishy washy stuff. I've not had some religious conversion! I'm not all zen like. I just feel really accepting of life (with all it's ups and downs) and really accepting of me. I've put down the stick and I'm not beating myself up any more. The nasty self critical voice in my head has fallen silent. The people pleasing has greatly reduced. I care much less what people think of me. I don't feel the constant sadness that I did....that heavy heartedness has lifted. I can accept that I have my faults. I'm more judgemental than I'd like to be and I can be a moody cow at times. I'm not always right, and my way isn't always the right way (still working on that!). But that's ok. And that's the part that is really exciting. That I don't have to be perfect, or get everything right. That I'm just me...just like everyone else. Human, fallable, doing the best I can.

And so today, I feel good. Gamble free, yes. But so much more than that.

So glad you decided to stare

Great post lb.

I guess now is the time that.
Life begins
X

I know I flitted for quite a while between leaning towards introspection and telling myself to 'get on with it'. Introspection was 'naval gazing' and negative, because it wasn't living, or something.

I can now see 'get on with it' was on the same side as 'always be happy', ie, a load of wollox..

Giving myself permission to properly be introspective allowed me to find out a lot more about myself. And it allowed me to be far more sociable - by realising how I was reacting to stuff and learning to do stuff in spite of difficult feelings. I suppose introspection without challenging behavour is a bit limited but if you understand yourself better then surely that naturally leads to improved behaviour?

Giving myself permission was in hindsight a big step forward. Some people appear not to be this way inclined - to have no inclination towards introspection. Some like me have always been that way inclined. Addiction allowed me to follow through on this - it required me to do so.

Happy for your well being which is very well timed!

Best

Louis

🙂

Well done on the milestone lb

Have a great gamble free Christmas

Deano x