Every Day Is A Second Chance

Congrats on 100 days, best wishes x

Thanks everyone.

Yay!! 100 days. Go me 🙂

I'm determined this will be the last time I break through the 100 barrier.

Had an interesting converstaion with my trainer today. She really pushed me to do more than I thought I could. It nearly killed me...I felt sick at the end and if I'd had enough breath left to swear at her I would have done. And there she was all duracell bunny like with a high five and a big grin on her face. "I bet you feel proud" she said. And I thought no. I don't. Pride isn't an emotion that I relate to. Not in regard to myself. I'm proud of other people (my kids, friends, husband I've cheered them on many a time with a huge grin and a tear in my eye, heart swelling with the emotion of it) but it isn't something I'd feel about me. Has that always been the case? Is it an emotion that's been battered out of me by addiction? I don't know. For today, it is what it is. But I did feel pleased. Really pleased. And glad that I'd done it (even if I'm not sure I want to do it again anytime soon).

I like it & i like it a lot!!! Over 100 days is very good start to get your head round stuff huh...but, as you say...it has taken place well before you realised it, ..no perfection - just the best we can do to work ourselves out ☺

Thank you for all the support and love you have dished out, never forgotten and always appreciated .

Have a lovely Christmas girl & embrace every little thing life throws your way!

Hugs

S x

Ps...who likes hard work out? Not me either lol...but i enjoy muscly pains which follows..makes ya realise you have some life in you lol

Hi Mrs Galaxy,

Nice to see your name popping up ☺
What happened to your back? I laid on my back having taken the painkillers today but decided that wallowing in self pitty is enough for a day so am walking in a dark, frozen road lol...seriously, why i choose paths with no lamposts showing the way huh...& to top it off - why I'm even typing while walking 😀

Universe huh..yup..i think it tried to tell me something for a while now, its just me being stubborn and kicking off grabbing for life over and over again...bahh..it's ok ☺

Don't see myself sitting behind the wheel any time soon & once again history repeating itself &..here I'm still kicking away to the destiny lol (lil fighter i am 😉 )

Initially life flashed through me..then i realised that I'm needed here for others (should hear my sister giving me some tough love of why i didn't contact her straight away)..i noticed that i still have that "protect others" before you protect yourself mindset...but, this actually hurts others...hmmm...i hurt her feelings 🙁

Off the subject! I am ok & still kicking.
Tell ya what, first strong urges today but that's why i am tipu tapuing away & trying to shake the monkey off!

Get well soon hun - new year new opportunities & we all need all the energy we can get :-))))

S x

Feeling a bit sorry for myself today. Put my back out last week and it's still not better. Wake up each morning thinking it'll be gone, but then move and realise it's just as bad.Lots of pain.I hate the feeling of not being able to do anything much. It's starting to drive me mad. Can't sit properly, can't drive, can't lay flat, can't exercise. Loads of jobs that need doing are piling up. The doctor has changed and upped the painkillers today so I have to trust that will be the key, and for now just learn a bit of patience...not my strongest point 🙁

It's made me realise that I'm not good at letting other people help me. I keep trying to do things myself even though it's hurting and they're offering/geuinely wanting to help. I guess I'm a bit like that in general. Wanting to do it myself, not reaching out. Not sure where that comes from, but it is something I'm aware of and I am working on it. Mr. LB is always really good when I'm ill. He's not so great with all the emotional stuff, but can always be relied on when it comes down to prcatical and physical pain. Far more compassionate than me. I'm more of the "you should only take a day off if you are actually very close to dying" school of thought.

Anyway. No thoughts of gambling. Suprising, given that I'd normally turn to it in times of trouble. I'm happy with that.

Hi Mrs Galaxy!

Ohhh no...so that makes two of us a lil "dysfunctional" huh. Absolutely 100% know the feeling of uselessness and i think that's what is getting to me too! Been 2 weeks since i pop strong painkillers and lay on the sofa doing less than the cats running around :-(. Do feel like am slowly destroying myself too.

Here is a positive!!! It WILL get better & we will be back on our feet in no time! Taking care of ourselves is humongous ask huh, but that's what we need...& that includes letting others help us and support us. (For example i let my sister to drive me around even if i dig my heels/nails & everything possible while she is behind the wheel...& no...the fear is not the outcome of the accident...she is just not very good and concentrated driver :-/)

Hugs to you girl...chin up - as you say things could be well worse!

High five for staying strong & keeping the fight ahead ☺

S x

Still in pain, still not doing much, still feeling fed up with it. Maybe when I'm better I'll apprciate more all the things I take for granted...the ironing, washing, shopping. Mmmm, we'll see 🙂

There's been a few posts recently from people who have been gf for a long time, but have relapsed. Or who are still gf but continue to get urges after years. I find them sobering, and a bit frightening. But I'm grateful to those who post those thoughts, or who come back after a relapse. It can't be easy. And I was wondering how many don't put the truth on here? Who do have a bet but don't want to reset their counter. Who don't want to lose face. Gamblers routinely fib to themselves and their families, why wouldn't they lye on here? Anyway, it doesn't really matter I guess. We can only be true to ourselves.

Still finding it a bit odd that the devil isn't whispering in my ear. I would have said (have said) that boredom was always a trigger,but I'm probably at the most bored I've been right now and still it's quiet. Is it because of my blocks? I know there's ways round them if I wanted there to be. As I'm typing, I'm thinking is it because I'm feeling looked after? Mr LB isn't great at (lots!) of things, but he comes into his own during sickness. Doing practical, physical things. Given I was looking at him a few weeks ago and thinking is this it? Is this the rest of my life? Is this what I want? and today I'm feeling such love and closeness to him. I don't know. Waffling. I think there's a bit of work to be done there, that's all. Nothing major, but I keep coming back to it. It's a strong marriage without doubt, and we love each other very much. I think I just need a bit more emotional connection from him. Not sure where this is coming from. Maybe it's the coedine?! I'll leave it there

why can't I write l i e without it being asterixed? Had to change it to fib and lye. Ridiculous.Grrrr

LB...you said in December, that you remember wanting to stop gambling but not wanting to let it go? When did that change? Did you just have to stick with the wanting to stop...until time brought you to the point of having let it go?

Afternoon lb
I see your not doing to bad either
I'm pretty sure since I've been on this site we've always been a couple of week's apart. And we relapse pretty much in tandem
So I'm counting on you lol.
I'm not sure how my post's come across lately if I'm honest
I do try and be less jokey?

What you posted above I've wondered the same because I've currently not had any urges of late
Which tie in with me not working in almost a month. Tbh I'm bored to that's why I post so much lol
But I've enjoyed my time away from work. I'm bored but I'm less stressed if that makes sense?

I'm rambling again
Anyway hope you're on the mend and feel better soon
X

I love my work tbh. But it's very demanding not just on your skill but your body to. The conditions we work in are not very good.
Imagine tough murder with a 25 kg weight in your arm's and it's pretty close. But it pays well and there's no real limit to what you earn.

On the relapse front I can honestly say I'll never go back to gambaling. I've searched and searched my soul for answer's but I just don't have many.
It's strange when we look back we only see the bad. We forget all the good we've done. All the bad has one thing in common. And that's gambaling.
When I look back I see myself fighting to get out of debt robbing Peter to pay Paul. Hoping the magic win would come and solve every problem. It didn't I had to work hard to repay my debt back.
I payed my debt 2 year's back
And now I live quite comfortably
That's when I realised a win wouldn't really change much.
But losing my money would take away mine and families comfort.

Previously I just lived in the moment no real plans
Now I'm excited for the future and I have plan's for the year
It's nice to have ambition in my life.
I wouldn't go round announcing I'm cured because there isn't one.
But I'm no longer dependent on gambaling or the rush it gives me.

Sorry for the ramble
X

Hi thank you for the post on my diary and sorry to learn about your back problem I hope you make a full recovery soon x I read your post about wondering if people are honest on here when they have slipped and placed a bet etc and I too have wondered that. I have also wondered what happens to the people who only post for a couple of days and then just disappear. I can honestly say that I have not played online slots, visited a casino or bookies etc., in 102 days and will continue to be gf, to be honest I'm not finding it very hard at the moment and that scares me but I am keeping very busy. Well done and thank you regarding the food bank donation, tomorrow morning I'm doing a few hours charity work which makes me feel better. Walking past homeless people sleeping on cardboard makes me so sad but so grateful it's not me, we take so many things for granted. My new gf life makes me feel so much better about myself and in turn I'm better to other people. Best wishes and stay strong and positive on this long journey x

It is strange...reading the two previous posts almost makes me thankful to the gambling industry...for you two breaking free does not merely seem to have returned you to the person you were...but given you a new appreciation of life and relationships, a quality of life you may never have known had you not gambled. I too feel I am undergoing a transformation, one day at a time.

Hello Luverly Bird , how you doing :)) .

Thanks for the last couple of post's they meant a lot :)) , I've not been around much the last few weeks as life seems to be taking over more and more these day's but as that's what I wanted ( to get my life back ) when I stopped gambling I'm not complaining at all , just a bit tired really :(( .

So come on I'm sorry to hear about your back but "How did you do it eh" ? " Really " ? come on tell ? , My guess is " Naked Twister " or jumping up for the last " Chocolate Thingy " hanging from the top of the Christmas tree :)) or something as simple as " Reaching for the Nut's " ? There's no worse time than xmas for putting your back out you know , LoL ! .

Read some of your recent post's and I'm really pleased your in such a great place now :)) , I think sometimes things just seem to click into place and we kinda stop fighting against ourselves and find an inner peace so to speak (Bit Deep for me ) but whatever it is for you then I hope this is your " Eurika " time :)) .

It's been nice for me not having you analize me lately ( felt like a holiday ) , I'm only kidding :)) but I'd seen your posts to Deano and thought Yeah !! goody it's his turn ( I've missed this messing with you ) but your right about the less jokey bit though ( Bloody miserable s.o.d ) I'd call him and I will when I pop over to his a bit later , maybe it's just temporary because he's nursing a nasty rash caused by his "Christmas Lycra " he's wearing whilst on his running machine ( friction burns ) maybe you wern't the only one reaching for the " Christmas Nut's " , told you about the festive injuries didn't I ? :)) .

Anyhoo's , I thought I'd pop over and wish you well and at the same time humorise your far to neat and serious diary page :)) .

Chow for now !! xx

Hallelujah...my back is better! Not 100 percent, but about 90 and I'll take it. Went to Sainsbury's for the first time in a month today. Never thought I'd find myself grateful to go food shopping but I was. Not feeling so grateful about having to cook it all later, but hey let's not get carried away. Things, my lovely diary, are feeling good and hopeful and positive for me right now. No thoughts of gambling (still slightly disconcerted by that), all quiet on the teenage daughter rampaging hormones front, all good between me and Mr.LB, holidays getting booked and a genral tickety-boo air prevails. The Eeyore side of me doesn't want to say it out loud in case I tempt fate, but the reality is life (for now) is good. It may not be a 10, more like a steady 7, and for that I am well and truely gratfeul.

Happy days x