Feeling sick.

I’ve been reading a few posts on here, it helps me feel im not alone but at the same time its making me feel even more panicked. I can’t believe I’ve done it again. If I don’t stop I really am in danger of losing everything we have. Me and my partner both work hard and here I am chucking thousands of pounds away like we can afford it 🙁 can’t believe it. We live a relatively comfy life when I’m not losing all our money, have a 7 year old boy who is Severely autistic , (the most lovely little boy) and I should be putting money away to secure him a future , to make sure hel always be looked after but right now I feel the worst mum in the world. This last month I’ve lost a 3rd of our savings easily. 

@herewegoagain20 Other than willpower, which compulsive gamblers don't really have, what changes are you going to make to help yourself?

I'd be interested to hear. 

Chris.

@nlynch91148 thank you, I magnaged over 150 days last time I really don’t know how I slipped back into it. I have/had Gamban on my phone, but without triggering anyone as such I worked out how to get around it 🙁 I have re installed it now as it does help in regards to the habit of just clicking through different sites and not been able to. I am registered on Gamban and have been for a few years, unfortunately my brother who knows I have a gambling problem still let’s me gamble and use his sites and transfer money. Think I make him feel guilty and he lets me. I know I can do it, I did it before for so long, it’s just breaking the habit for me. It’s Crazy because I hate spending money and if I do , say on a purchase for the home , I will then try ‘win’ my money back on the slots. I then obviously end up losing lots more. I really do just need to get out of the cycle. I’ve deleted my brothers banking details today off my online banking, so that I can’t send money ans use his card. He plays (sensibly) on one of the sites himself so won’t put a block on which I can’t expect him to. I can’t stop thinking about the money I’ve lost, although I know I need to move on from that and prevent myself losing more.

@chris-uk I’ve re installed my Gamblock on all devices , I’m already registered on gamban and have been for years but use my brothers card to deposit on his site, with his approval. He knows of my gambling issues but think he feels guilty and lets me deposit. He plays (sensibly) on one of the sites occasionally himself so can’t expect him to put a full block on but I’ve deleted his details off my banking so can’t transfer to him. My own bank card has a gambling block on which again has done for a few years. Feel like I have lots of stuff in place just I always seem to slip and find a way round things .

@herewegoagain20 We do seem to find a way around blocks. The blocks aren’t really just there to stop us, they’re designed to give us time to think about our options or maybe call someone, or just allow us to sit until that urge passes.

Have you told your husband? Could you give over control/access to your money to him?

Have you considered Gambler’s Anonymous?

Lots of options open to you for making a change.

It’s good you’ve already done something but I think you need the next step now.

I know the feeling too well & can relate to everything you said.

Ive always been hesitant to spend money on myself too much.. but will blow a grand of savings in a night and feel sick, thinking of what I could have done with it.

For the first time in absolute years I have just booked and paid for a family holiday out of my own money after smashing lots of overtime as a thanks/sorry for 15 years of hell ive caused the fam and it feels so good.

Tell your fella / brother, put blocks in place again and accept its gone now. A few months down the line with the money you would have lost (again) you can make it upto them.

Gdluck, its happened to us all. Which is why we are here

@chris-uk My partner had a gambling problem (were a right pair aren’t we ??) and got himself into lots of debt about 8 years ago just before we got together which resulted in me having control of the money, he then tried a year later and slipped again so I took full control. At this point I didn’t have a problem. He knows I gamble more then I should but the bills have always been paid etc we still go on holidays and stuff so he doesn’t seem too concerned. Although the amount I’ve lost we could be owning our own house a few years earlier then we actually will 🙁 I am thinking to give my mum our savings too save so I don’t have access to spending any more of them. 

@bluelagoon thank you, luckily my partner is really understanding. He too has a gambling problem and when we got together 8 years ago handed me control of finances! At this point I didn’t have a problem. A year later he tried again and didn’t end well so he handed over full control to me since and has stayed fully away from gambling for the last 7 years. He knows I play the slots more then I should but don’t think he likes to get involved in anything that involves gambling now. Doesn’t like to hear about it. The bills have always been paid we have nice holidays etc still we both work, him lots more then me as I have lots of appointments etc with my autistic son but we don’t have as much savings as we should for the amount I’ve wasted. I’m thinking to hand the rest of our savings to my mum to take care of as we are wanting to buy a house in the next 2 years but the way I’m going that will never happen. Thank you, hope you all enjoy your holiday. 🙂 

Completed first day yesterday again. No gambling. We was busy all day, I took my little boy to watch the football which he absolute loves then went to see family which took my mind off it. Today will be harder, staying in and cooking a big roast for the family and have not much else to do which always makes Sunday one of my hardest days. I normally start the downward spiral of losing then spend all Monday and Tuesday chasing my losses and the rest of the week feeling sick at what I’ve done to only restart the process again come the weekend!! Today I will 100% not gamble. Today I will try my best to break this cycle. 

Day 3, done my hardest couple of days , kept busy as can be between home and work. It has been on my mind lots, not going to lie I am struggling a little but il do my best to keep going. Also trying my best to lose weight at the same time , I’m on holiday in 8 weeks and will have no clothes to fit into! ?  As we find with most compulsive gamblers I have a very addictive personality, 2 years ago I lost 5 and half stone and got to target weight, this last year I’ve put 10lb back on and determined to shift it. I will comfort eat to take my mind off a bad loss so I’m hoping no gambling will also help and that the only pounds il be loosing will be the ones on the scales. Here’s to day 4...

I’ve just signed up here today and it’s really good to read about your daily posts. I can relate to you about the days where you are staying in and have nothing planned. They are the hardest ones. I plan to post daily like you too. Keep strong!

@herewegoagain20 

Hi

I understand that I was not an evil bad stupid wicked cruel person, I was how ever a very emotionally vulnerable person.

The recovery program was going to help me make much healthier choices in my life.

In recovery we give up beating our self up and calling our self unhealthy names.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

@ryann it becomes part of a routine doesn’t it, not even an enjoyable one either. Thank you, good luck on your Journey, I will keep an eye out on your diary and check in on you! It really does help posting and reading other people’s! 🙂