Festina Lente

Hey steg

I know you broke radio silence and posted on my diary some time back thank you for that it meant a lot.

If your still hiding in that bush with your camouflage gear on and a tree on your head I think it's been nearly a year now and it's time for you to come out and do that post you promised.

Take care

Blondie x. Or hop along to her close friends lol

Hi all, finally handed Maisie back after a lovely Easter break, now I can update my diary. It's been a whole year and a day since I last had a bet or gambled. I'm very pleased and proud to have reached this milestone but also I'm by no means feeling complacent. I feel less now wanting to gamble than I ever have done but that doesn't mean that those manic desires won't resurface at a later date. It's mad up here with a gambling fever surrounding the Grand National, everyone bar me seems to be having a flutter. Yet, I am happy being where I am in my recovery and to continue watching, those who choose to gamble, from afar. It's been a humbling, rewarding experience and I'd really encourage anyone who is embarking on abstaing from gambling to carry on, for it can be done, you become a better, stronger person, more in control of yourself and how you react to whatever life throws at you. Just take it one day at a time, one hour or even a second. If you are positive about quitting, if youre prepared to put the blocks in place, prepared for the roller coaster of emotional withdrawal and to be able to keep fighting when you feel you've got nothing left, then you'll get there.

Gotta fly now for the sun is shining and I don't want to miss what could be our summer.

Hey Lazarus,

A very big congrats on your outstanding achievement! Enjoy your weekend.

Chicagoguy

Hey steg,

I knew you would do it, and I knew that *** commando team would find you in those bushes.

Fantastic achievement my friend, onwards and upwards for you , one day at a time.

Well done, hope you will be having a bit of the loopy juice tonight as a little celebration.

Take care

Blondie x

Steve.

My friend that is truly the best post well done fella.

Abstain and maintain.

A great achievement.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Yo,

High five !

Enough said !

Shiny xxxxxxx

Hiya Steve

Big well done on the year , despite my own troubles I really am happy for u , gives me hope and inspiration to keep fighting my own journey

Castle2

Hi, Steven ( using your Sunday name there or the name used when your in trouble lol)

Thank you so much for your posts , my dad always said s**t happens its how you shovel it that matters lol. Although my shovel is overloaded at the moment and ready for breaking, just when you think you can't take anymore.... You do.....

Hope all is well in your world and maisy is keeping you on your toes.

Thanks again

Take care

Blondie x

Got a sniffle, feel pooey and tired in my head. Taken the day off to recover, back in tomorrow, hopefully feeling better. Still not gambling, my next target day will be May 10th which will make it 400 days abstinence. Which is almost making me smile.once I reach that then I'll be aiming for the big 450.

Still sick of gambling, long may it continue. A bit like when you necked your mates Mum's sherry as a 12 year old and felt sick for days. Even now you associate that sherry with nausea. Gambling still has that effect on me, too many bad memories, bitter times. Gambling smells like Pernod and as I said earlier, long may it continue. Of course after a while I'm aware things change, I have to be wary. It could start with a little 'harmless' flutter, or a sip of sweet cider behind the shops. Before you know it I'm pouring Pernod on my frosties and pouring my wages down the drain.

One major factor why this stay of abstinence has been a success is because I've avoided my circle of friends who I grew up with gambling. Their tales of near misses and winning excited me better than French P**n, yet in all this time I've avoided listening to other people's bets. Maybe they've given up too, who knows. Besides if I'm truthful I don't see them that often now anyway, only through passing or the odd funeral.

I've also noticed that I'm a lot less frightened of gambling, the thought of it once petrified me because I knew it controlled me, stalking me, waiting for a moment of weakness for it to pounce. That fear has gone now along with all the negative emotions which consumed me when I gambled. The guilt, the sadness, the fear, shame, all gone, I've forgiven myself and moved on.

I still have an addictive personality, I'm not ashamed or worried about this duly, as long as you channel this correctly then it can enhance life and if anything, keep you out of trouble.

I too, like many others on this site, have changed over the last 12 months or so and I like to think for the better. Yes, life is never perfect, by giving up gambling doesn't necessarily concur with a feeling 'of winning the lottery' everyday. Yet it's still fantastic to have that control back in your life and the freedom from fear and the compulsion to continue to gamble until you've ran out of both hope and money.

To get to this level you have to put in the groundwork, stick rigidly to the basics, believe in these even when you doubt yourself, and be prepared to fail until you succeed.

I use to think about gambling all the time, it was my life. I don't anymore. I resent the idea of it, it sickens me and stinks like a dusty bottle of Pernod.

If you too are determined to give up then it can be done, good luck to you and one day at a time. Stick to it, once you break the cycle of habit, go through the cold turkey then it gets easier like your slowly sailing away from a horrendous island. You'll also know when it's right to stop looking back and go to the front to see where life's taking you, calmer waters ahead.

Better get Maise now, I've trained her up how to make scrambled egg and toast. She's just turned ten so its about time she put those culinary skills into good use and look after her miserable, old Dad, who'll be too busy wiping his red nose and feeling sorry for himself.

Nanoo nanoo, over and out, till next time

Steg

Shazbot steg,

Ouch to the man flu hope your feeling better soon. I can relate a lot to your post especially the bit about the sherry, yuck i cant even smell the stuff without gagging, so now every time i get an urge to gamble i may just snort sherry instead lol.

On a more serious note, a great post from you and so well done on getting to where you are today, hope, and determination and that great sense of fun that you have , they have served you well.

Its fantastic that you have taken back your control, Im slowly dropping the emotional baggage case by case that i have been carrying round with me for so long, its liberating and now i have much more room in them for bikinis and shoes lol.

Always lovely to see a post from you, you could be my most favourite scouser in the world , well apart from ken dodd... lol

take care

blondie x

A lovely day it seems, the sun is out and the birds are singing away joyously. My spirits are buoyed and why not, I'm enjoying the moment. In a few days time I will reach my 400 day mark so I'm very pleased. I've learned to become patient. Once read, at the beginning of my diary someone who'd reached 1000 days, I recollect my reaction that this figure would be, for me, wildly impossible for I was trying to get through the hours of the day without succumbing to a bet. Yet now I realise that it's possible to eat the largest elephant with little bites or climb the highest mountain with simple baby steps. Patience is the key and of course the absolutely necessary blocks.

I haven't fished since last Aug/Oct, been too busy but I'd love to go today. Can't though, no license but I may just go somewhere watery and soak in the beauty and tranquility.

Felt run down last week, shaking off a cold I guess. It was then I decided to set myself a small challenge by giving up anything containing sugar. With the exception of milk (lactose) and fruit (fructose). Started on Thursday so this is day 5 now and I must admit the withdrawal symptoms are pretty intense. Reminds me very much with giving up gambling. I know I'll *** any day soon, probably in a big way too. Yet I'll see just how long I can maintain and reinforce my willpower. Willpower they say is like a muscle, the more you exercise it, over anything, the stronger it becomes, the stronger you become. Even if you try and break at some point you would have gained something positive from the experience.

I'm off now to find a lake and ruin some poor fisherman's peace and tranquility with unwanted and inane ramblings about sugar deprivation, the necessity of willpower and how this, surrounded by the here and now, is truly 'as good as it gets.'

Steven looking for a sugar daddy

Steve.

My friend such a great couple of posts written with humour but also great humility.

My friend enjoy your day in the sun, me I plan on doing the same.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Steve,

I am currently working on the worlds largest elephant one tiny bite at a time and it was uplifting to read in your post that it IS really possible. Thank-you, and keep doin what ya do cause it's working for you! -joan

Hi there, do enjoy reading your posts.

Think the pink elephant I am attempting to nibble must have been conjured up by Harry Potter as every time I consume a good chunk the b*****d thing regrows. Methinks I need some metal teeth like the guy in James Bond.

Sounds like you have this thing pretty much beaten so I can only hope.

xxx

I wish, first rule about being a gambling addict is never get complacent. The only way I'd know for certain that I'd never gamble again in my life would be if I knew for certain that I'd be ran over in the next five minutes. Even then I reckon in those 300 seconds I could still get a bet on. Take today for example, I'd given up sugar for six days and felt pretty good about myself, I was wondering how long I'd keep this up for when I suddenly realised I'd just consumed a whole packet of chocolate digestives with a nice cup of tea. Guilt and disappointment had never tasted so delicious. The point is though that we can never predict the future, one's willpower could break at any given.

The moral of this story is if you're really determined to do something then you have to put those blocks in place to rid you of temptation when the old willpower wavers. I knew those biscuits were in the cupboard, they'd been whistling me for the last three days, but I couldn't find the strength to throw them away. I reasoned that it was a waste if money and that I had ample willpower. A bit like those who'd waste a fortune on gambling but won't pay the comparative pittance for a good software blocker. I know because I was once one. It's easy not to eat biscuits when you can't eat biscuits. We can all have moments of weaknesses it's preparing for them which is important. I'm as weak as the next man or woman but I'm trying to learn and understand about this addiction and ultimately myself. Knowing my weaknesses and accepting them is my strength.

I wish you well Rainbows end as I do everyone who is fighting to rid themselves of this miserable addiction.

Take care

Steve McVitie