Festina Lente

Hiya Steve

A big thanks for the post gave me a huge lift , great to see ur still in a good place and always av great humor in ur posts

Catch up soon

Castle2

I'm off on a two day training course and I can honestly say it'll be sh*te. I'll be the only man there, staring out the window or watching the clock tick backwards. I do find it difficult just to sit there, trying to mindlessly contribute or be polite. Trying to maintain motivation in situations like this is impossible for me. I'd much rather be doing something, anything else with an end result or a bit of excitement. If they digress into anecdotes of 's*x in the City' or 'Strictly Come Dancing'' then I'm walking out. Just writing this I can feel my testosterone plummeting and my oestrogen rising. I'll probably be hormonal come this bank holiday.

I used to be able to do days like this when I gambled, I would look forward to getting my fix of excitement once the training was over. It got me through the day.

The problem with me is I have a low boredom and toleration threshold, maybe one day it'll change, hopefully when I'm sitting next to Ethel in a retirement home being spoon fed by someone called Britney.

Been in better moods

Steve

Ahhhhhhhhhhghhghhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

and breath.... !! In through the nose out through the mouth..

You poor thing, training courses send shivers down my spine. I used to play this really cool game with a bloke i used to work with, my life consists of mind numbing , sometimes pointless meetings with people who like the sound of there own voice. We would agree a random word or sentance prior to the meeting and you had to somehow incorperate it into the meeting...... and who ever did if first won lol... and then have to sit tight lipped without laughing uncontrollably once the other person said the phrase lol.

Lets see if you could get the sentance, I like womens clothes...... into your training session lol....

even if you cant it might make you smile.

take care

blondie

Blah, blah, only man again, blah blah, oestrogen, blah, blah, quiche, blah blah, windowless room, blah blah, clock behind me, blah blah, uncomfortable chair, blah blah, can't scratch my balls, blah blah Sarah keeps burping down my ear, blah blah, too many biscuits, blah blah, mindless bonding games, blah blah too much caffeine blah blah daydreaming with my eyes on someone's chest, blah blah uncomfortable realisation blah blah staring at my shoes blah blah form filling blah blah praying for a fire drill, blah blah Amy's got a s**y speech impediment blah blah Cybil looks like she's escaped from Tenko blah blah keep smiling and nodding, occasional 'hmm' of agreement blah blah.

One day down, one day to go blah blah

Sorry Blondie I cannot follow your advice because I'm not lucky enough to have someone to share the joke with. I'll just get through the day minute by minute blah blah.

All names have been changed for rights reasons and because we spent the first 30 minutes going over and over then over once again, confidentiality.

Yo,

Wondering if you will throw a sick tomorrow 🙂

Shiny xxx

I'm a miserable get at times I know but being miserable makes me happy. Got through the last two days ok. Learned all about 'Bobby J' nail varnish so I'll pass on the info to Maisie. Asked to make a contribution at the end but I didn't have a clue what they were talking about because I was looking at a magpie harassing a buzzard through the skylight window. This was good and the bit when someone talked about ferrets. I know I have to adapt and try and enjoy these seminars but on the other hand I think life's too short to waste sitting round a table, all day, eating biscuits and fighting off sleep. It would be better if they could be held in a gym or a swimming pool or pot holing etc. yes, I'm miserable all right, never used to be though, did thousands of meetings all gung ho and contributory now I just haven't got the patience. Am I sorry? Am I heck. I know what I want in life now and what I don't want, I don't have to enjoy something because it's polite to do so. The vast majority of these seminars are just designed to tick boxes and cover policies, you never really learn anything. That's my moan over, tomorrow morning will be met with a long, long swim before work.

Missed fishing tonight, glad in a way because its windy. Would have been nice just to sit there for the evening amongst the others sharing lies and near misses. Hope the weather improves soon, I've had my coat on since last September, it'd be nice to finally take it off. Especially as the front's caked in toothpaste and egg yolk.

Don't know how long it's been since I last gambled, I must be edging into my 14th month by now. This makes me happy. The same intolerance I have for situations I have for gambling. Why would I ever want to put myself through all that again. Life, as I whined earlier is too short. I'm not bitter in any way and to be truthful I'm not a miserable get, I'm just selective. Happy to be me. Bloody Hell, I'm rambling, breathlessly using 100 words were once I used one. That's what being surrounded by women does to you. Better go, do my nails, candles, smellies and bath before I curl up on the sofa in my onesy watching reruns of Desperate Housewives. Bliss.

Steph

Mentally exhausted but still gamble free

Yo,

Lol again and again and again.

Cheers mate enjoy your weekend , hear there's a sale on at Dorothy Perkins .

Shiny xxxxxxx

Steve.

Fella you should write a book.

Thankyou for sharing.

Enough said.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 415, it's a gorgeous day, the sun is shining and everything if fine.

Steve

Yet another beautiful day. I love the summer, seasonal weather is great for it makes you appreciate the summers all the more. There should be a few barbies on the go today, maybe the Duncs himself will be donning his outdoor pinny and turning over a few burgers, under the sun and surrounded by laughter and fun. I hope so.

Half term, only working 1 day this week yet I'll be doing a lot of commission artwork from home which I don't mind, find it quite enjoyable at the moment. Going to the gym as soon as it opens this morning to tire myself out physically and then the painting later will tire myself out mentally, this balance is important, one helps the other.

I was thinking the other day about the types of people who gamble, I thought you don't get many scientific researchers on this site, really, really logical rational thinkers, borderline autistics, people who seem to go through life feeling or displaying little or no emotion. I've never once seen Stephen Hawkings winking into his voice pad the statement, 'I am just nipping out for the racinng posst*.' I may be wrong but maybe emotions play a big part in gambling and when we learn to control them rather than they control us then we can fight this addiction. I'm not suggesting Scientific people are emotional basket cases per se but in my experience they are not usually the life and soul of a party. Probably not many train spotters on here with a gambling problem either, they love numbers for the sake of numbers. Couldn't imagine Carol Vordermann stubbing out the end of a Rothmans on the outside of a Victorian church hall before slipping into yet another GA meeting. The point is if you are feeling emotional or under pressure just be more vigilant, these could be trigger points.

Emotions are a double edged sword, they make you feel alive yet can make you feel like a living death or push you into wrong choices. Who would I rather be? A scientist or a painter? A painter every time. I don't need to dissect and understand a flower to enjoy it, I, like many on here can just look at it and see its wonder.

Enjoy living everyone, just be wary and keep in check those wonderful emotions.

Steve Cropper

Steve

alas no burgers today my friend, baked gammon minus any delicious fat for the mac house!!! Lol.

Fella i totally get your post, i too am an artist just my canvas is the plate. My industry is full of emotion, it drives it and at the top I have seen many casualties through addiction. Alcohol the main one, with honesty the industry does little to help it flys the " work hard play hard" mantra and views those who fall victim to addiction the weak.

You are in my mind correct about keeping emotions in check, that way we open other senses.

The roses don't just look great they smell great.

Enjoy the workout.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Funny I was speaking on Chicago's diary about my father as he died a few years back but on the same date as Chicago's dad.

As always there is an exception to the rule and he was certainly that. He was a nuclear physicist and a brilliant artist as well, he was a scientist and yet he was spiritual and I remember sneakily playing in the amusements at the seaside with him when we were sent to get ice creams by my mother.

I def inherited his looks not his brain, that bypassed me into my children but I did go to art college in the sixties and remember huge emotional discussions I had with him on every subject under the sun from the Vietnam war to the environment.

I could say more as my son has def the same characteristics as him and works in finance using his brain and has in past been tempted to gamble as a form of escapism when the job seems boring however he is also very creative.

I do find this topic interesting so wanted to add my penny worth. I have to be 100% practical at work and standing giving evidence in court no one in a million years would ever guess I had an alter ego.

xxx

When the birds tweet like this all I can think about is Cameron. I hope life is treating him and his 'pocket rocket' well. The Pub across the road is closing down today, the recession and peoples changing habits I guess. All the ale 'must go' and is being sold at ridiculously low prices. With this and the glorious weather I've never seen so many sad people looking so happy. It's like a bodyless wake.

Off to paint.

Steve thanks for the supportive post on my diary.I really am determined to turn things round and I believe this Site and the people on it are the key to it.

Thx again mate and all the best