Festina Lente

Yo,

Lol lol lol.

Steve it could only happen to you .

Only hope your allowed back in the classroom next week , without a chaperone .

Shiny xxxxxx

hahahahahaha.

sorry to laugh at your story but it was pretty god dam funny.

I can always rely on you ste to make me smile from ear to ear, i was sobbing my heart out 2 mins ago at R- Kelly thinking of my dad then i read your post... and was laughing at "Me lov you lonnngggggg time ."

The joys of art eh....

enjoy the weekend

blondie

A lousyish day today, muddled through it and I'm glad it's over. The good thing about days like this is that you know tomorrow is another day. Maisie gave me some wine and toffees for Father's Day and I consumed them whilst watching 'Curb your Enthusiasm.' Woke up this morning wishing I'd got socks. I don't usually drink and today I remembered why. I hate feeling sluggish,craving fry ups and that was what it was like today. I'll be back on the wagon now till Christmas unless something crazy happens like I'm kidnapped by a nymphomaniac alcoholic then I'll probably drink to that. Ate too much sh*te over the weekend and that's probably contributed to the way I feel now. It was great at the time though, if there was a drunken sh*te eating contest at the Olympics I'd be burping on top of that podium with a gold medal hanging over my wine stained top. Scientists reckon we have two brains, one in your head and a lesser one in your stomach. Well the one in my stomach definitely won the arguement this weekend. Anyway what do scientists know, a nurse once told me that a man's brain is inside his balls, don't know if that's true but looking back it probably makes sense. Maybe the brain in a man's head is rarely used or the least prioritised. A monk, who's celibate and fasting can do nothing more than stare at a candle and murmur 'ommmmmmmmm.' Without the other two brains we're like beached jellyfish. Nonetheless I'm glad I'm a man, it's the straightforward simplicity I enjoy. To try and understand the complexities of being a woman is beyond my realm of understanding, I love the differences but I'll never bridge the gap of comprehension, nor would I want to. My balls says there's no need to for without differences there'd be no making up and making out.

Today my brain never gambled, my stomach opted for a fry up whilst my balls just lay there sulking hanging around doing nothing.

Drinking makes me pensive, tomorrow will be fab.

Night night

Steve 438

Pretty pretty pretty good....

Am a big curbed fan. Got all the series ..lol ..

Yeah my balls are also aching today...they have carpet burn ...lol lo lol ...only joking ! ...hey ..when's that time machine getting delivered?

Thank you for posting Steve and top marks there for persevering with my diary ..phew ..that's time you won't get back ; ) ...

No need to duck as everything you say is spot on..I'm on the cusp of bitter ..dipped into it a few times as my posts are testament to.

Somedays it's hard to separate it all out and for me the forgiveness or lack of it is not really the gambling par se ..it's over the baby ,but its all mixed in.

I aborted our child after a discussion to take pressure off our relationship so we could build a future and make a go of it...and the gambling continued along with a cruel coldness .That is what I will not forgive.

Humour for me is a big defence mechanism to try and work through the pain...the more sardonic and cynical the better hence my affection for Larry, Woody and of course Mr Bill Hicks and of course anything Seth McFarlane and Southpark churn out.

So ..yes your assessment is correct of me my cyber friend but I know that now it's game over with relationships for me. The final straw has been put on and the bough broken.

My best friends have usually been male even though i never sell out my women friends ...so I always have male company and perspective whether I like it or not...Friends with benefits is my future but not recycling or marriage ...lol..plus I am quite strange in that my ex boyfriends all keep I touch with me despite being now married ,abroad or whatever which is nice but other folks don't understand it,

I put up a post on Facebook the other day that was quite provoking ..lol and all the recipients were my ex boyfriends ..hilarious ..one in Hong Kong , One in Saudi hahahah

I guess I have the reputation for being a pain in the a** but I am THEIR pain in the a**...

Without kids there is no reason for me to get married as its not like I will be working towards anything or building on anything .

Anyhoooo rambling there ....Loved Stephen Frys portrayal of Wilde and have added my post it to his tomb in Pere La Chaise cemetery in Paris (Wilde that is..not Fry) ...also popped in to see "Jim Morrison" and have a sing along with the guitar,

Its true about the other brain y'know ...and the one in your gut being the first one ...I guess we get a "gut "feeling before our head kicks in. My heart ,head and guts are always totally at odds with each other ...and especially after a bottle of Merlot ....lol but those fry ups make it all better.

Not sure if you are still resident in the NW but if so hopefully the wildflower centre is on your itinery list with your little girl...

Thanks for popping in Steve...am now thinking of Larry an the big "V" episode ..lol ..too rude for here ..

R and D xx

LD for PM ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_05qJTeNNI&sns=em

X

Hey Steve..thank you for popping In for a nightcap...cannot wait for that time machine and I will be typing In 1985 ...lol ...bring back my fingerless gloves and hairspray "flock o seagulls "style ..

Dallas eh? ...check out the Zapruder film..it was the driver! ..whoda thunk it?

Thank you also for being so candid about your own life and past. it makes me feel better and also dispells the myth that the men are not affected too...grief is a process too isn't it and even though people may go on to have more children you cannot forget the ones who didn't quite make it to this world.

I guess what I'm coming to terms with now is that I gambled with my reproductive life and await my karmic retribution .

I didn't realise the huge consequences now that cant be fixed as the age when it happened in my mind it was top end.

Im not the type to go out and get knocked up by some random chappy either so the door is closing it's own time but its a bumpy ride..the eggs still left in my larder getting whisked .. .lots of unexpected feelings to deal with though...

I guess we just have to keep on going right ?

Jims grave is a mess...I think his devotees have tried to dig him up! ..graffiti ,cig butts and love poetry but I'm site somewhere he is looking down smiling whilst perhaps doing a Native American Indian jig....

Well I shall return to my youtubing ....blasting from the past ...pretty ,pretty pretty good ....

Sleep tight xx

R and D xx

Morning ...

to give you a chuckle whilst your waiting for your time travelling machine xx

R and D x

Yo,

Hay , just wanted to say , thank you . That one short line lifted me.

It may never go away ,but with the support system we have on here , a lapse is just that , instead of it turning into a full blown relapse .

Shiny xxxxx

Hi Steve,

Thanks for dropping in and posting on my diary the other day. Much appreciated as I was at a low ebb, and reading your post has certainly been a factor in getting me back to feeling a lot better today.

Will catch up with your journey when I have a bit more reading time.

All the best

Ade

Hi Steve

Fantastic post on Ade's diary, thanks for getting involved in our discussion. Agree with every word of what you say re feelings and experiences, thats the sad fact, I've worked all of that out already and I know cold turkey is the right option but I just cant handle it yet.

I did 22 days this time. I've made great progress over the last few years. I will be able to totally abstain eventually. For the moment it feels like I need to feed my addiction every now and then but hopefully not too often.

Well done on your own abstinence.

Hi Steve,

I just wanted to say that I am really appreciating your comments to both Ade and Captain. I am going thru a rough patch right now and I can relate to so much of what you said about your relationship with gambling. For me letting go is like going thru stages of grief in a way. For me right now, I am struggling with a bargaining stage. And, I learned the hard way that there is no bargaining for me where gambling is concerned. I just gotta let it go. A huge thank you and keep posting Steve! -joanxxx

Steve.

Fella I'm more Marks than Marx lol!!

Just a quick line to say my friend the post you put on ade's thread was outstanding.

A gift to everyone who reads it.

Keep up the good work fella.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Steve,

Many many thanks for taking the time to post on my diary yesterday. Your words and statements throughout your post ring so so true.

Gambling really does saturate a person and gets your mind playing so many tricks on you, that you really don't know whether what you're thinking is good or bad, right or wrong.

You can convince yourself that you can bet and think to yourselve that you can control it. But is it you thinking that thought, or indeed your gambling-controlled brain issuing you an order to feed it.

At times we are at fault when we gamble again, and at other times we are not.

It can be hard to understand for someone with out this compulsive addiction. And indeed other compulsive gamblers are in so much denial that there arguments to justify gambling are just an excuse to feed their own engrained addictive thoughts.

It really is an illness. And an illness that takes some beating. I admire those that turn it around and abstain from gambling.

Then other times I think to myself, did they have it as bad as me? Or do they just have a better recovery strategy? Or am I just weaker than them?

We are all different I guess, but it's good to talk about how we can hopefully beat this habit.

All the best

Ade

Thanks for another fantastic post on my diary Steve you really seem to understand how I am thinking and feeling at the moment.

Any recollections from your early days of abstinence and how you met the challenges appreciated.