Hi All,
I joined this forum a couple of days ago. It was the same day that I realised I didnt enjoy gambling anymore.
Over the past few months I had friends and family share there concern that I was perhaps in the casino a little too much. I had not seen this and was convinced that 4-5 times a week was perfectly normal and besides that I was just meeting up with friends.
My Poison was Blackjack, but worse than that was the side betting. I had actually started to dismiss the game and couldnt care less about the play of the cards. This bet to me was seen as more of an Ante to join the game.
I had been really luck for months and felt that I was invinsible. Often I would leave making £6-700, even having the dreaded thought I could just quit work and make this my living. I hadn't even realised the flippant attitude I have developed towards money. I saw nothing of handing over hundreds in an evening because in my mind it was ok as I would win it back another time.
I had the wakeup call last week when I realised I had lost more that £2,000 and worst of all I didnt feel angry. This was the shock that really made it all sink in and hit home. Just how much had I been losing over the last year? I wasnt sure and I really dont want to try and work this out now.
When losing badly I would find myself wandering from roulette, to 3 card poker, to the slot machines trying to find that winning high and failing miserably. I would then come home and go on multipe online casinos trying to win everything back.
On my last outing when I lost I phoned the casino on my way home and self excluded. I then got home and did the same to all of the online sites. Little did I know that would be only the start. I am now two days in and have found myself lost, not knowing what to do with my time. I now realise the hard work has started.
I have been lurking around this forum reading through posts to help me stick with my plan. I hope I can continue on not gambling and it will be hard.
Worst of all the hardest part is when I realised how much I had been lying to myself for years.That will take a long time to get over.
No not Dan
WG is for where I live and Light Seen is that was how I felt when I had the realisation that I was in deeper than I thought and that only I could change this.
Just got through my first day where I would normally have gone to the casino on my way home from work.
I decided to change my route home so the temptation didnt get the better of me. It helped but I found myself regretting not going there on the drive home. It should have been a proud moment but I felt empty and at a loss.
I looked up the local GA meetings in the town where I work. I cant go to either of the 2 locations as they are both a 5 minute walk from the casino I was using. In fact one looks over the casino car park. I think the temptation would be too much.
I am trying to look for a meeting in another town.
Tomorrow was also a regular evening at the casino so if I can get that out of the way too I feel I will be getting somewhere. I was not prepared for any of these feelings I am having.
4 years ago I gave up smoking and I can honestly say I feel like I have the same void as I did when going through that. My addictive personality is getting the better of me.
Morning. It's tough at the start, but it does get better. Even if you didn't feel proud of not going to the casino last night, in time you will. Every time that you don't give in you'll slowly be building a sense of achievement and satisfaction and that will carry you along the road ahead. It will feel like a void...because it is. Much of your time was taken up by going to the casino, so you'll have to find some productive things to do to fill that time. Especially in these early days. All of this is normal, and it will become easier.
As for the GA meeting...I think it's great that you have two to choose from and in the town where you work, so there's no real reason not to go. Self exclude from them both, and you won't be able to go in even if you wanted to.I hear what you're saying about it being a 5 minute walk from the casino, but if you don't have to walk past it on your way there you should be ok. Maybe you could meet up with someone (possibly from the ga group) who could walk you in?
LifeBegins x
Echo LB. Everywhere is near a bookies or casino because there's so many of them. There's no avoiding it and normal life does involve walking down the street and around town to get to where you're going.
If you're serious about meetings, just go. GA will help you change things for the better, for you.
CW
Great work last night choosing 'No' 🙂
Although I'm a little confused as to why you would have even considered it as you are excluded...Would you really want the embarrassment of being escorted out? I suspect they would let you play as long as you wanted whilst you were losing but they'd soon identify you if by some miracle you looked like you were having a win & would march you straight out, do not pass Go, do not collect £200 styley!
It's somewhat ironic that most of the GA venues appear to be close to gambling establishments but recovery is about not wanting to gamble & committing to the meetings will show you the way!
With the right tools & focus, we can learn to live in harmony with addictive personalities - ODAAT
Thanks for all support and comments
It is making a big difference to the way I am thinking.
ODAAT wrote:
Although I'm a little confused as to why you would have even considered it as you are excluded...Would you really want the embarrassment of being escorted out?
You are right, just goes to show how my mind is all over the place. I still keep acting as if I am the only one that can control this and I am the only one to make the decisions. Now you say it out loud it actually feels better as I need to realise that I have offloaded some of my bad choices. Thanks, this has given me one of the biggest wake ups.
I have been to GA tonight I walked past 6 bookies and 3 arcades each way. I did not even consider going in any of them. Why? I am self excluded from them all and just and maybe more I was on my way to GA which has definitely changed my thinking and mindset. When I walk through them doors I know I am going to hear someone tell some tale that will take me back to A place i don't want to go back to I've picked up my prescription for another week
KTF
This is my post of shame. On thursday I was working away from home and found myself in a casino. I have been so ashamed that I couldnt even logon to admit it until now. I hate this. In every other part of my life I feel I have control.
I feel so angry that I am letting this get the better of me.
Chin up WG. I have relapsed and it was the very worst thing I could do as it started me on another chasing cycle. I'd written off the past losses and now I was chasing my new losses. I'm telling you this so you can learn from my own mistakes. It doesn't end out with a happy ending. The ending is worse than the previous ending which is worse than the previous ending which is worse than the previous ending and so on to infinity. Take this advice seriously and only go to a casino to self exclude!
Hi WG.
Well done on realising your addiction and how much it has effected your life.
The first week is tough. I was weak and gave in a few times but have now made it to 10 days. I can honestly say it dies get easier and you begin to think less and less about it.
Keep busy and keep posting/reading on this site. Just remember how you feel now and use that negative feeling for a positive message for yourself not to gamble and feel like this again.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Feeling quite proud after my minor slip. I hope I am not speaking too soon but feel much stronger this time.
I had a minor thought to go and seek out somewhere that I have not self excluded from yet but phoned a friend who helped. He had his own battle with addiction and has been 3 years addiction free.
I am so glad to be posting positive news as last week really knocked me back
Well done for coming back its my biggest fear having a slip. If I can continue not to put that first bet on the 2nd and 3rd will not follow.
Good move calling your friend I have had 2 calls in the last week from people in GA who was contemplating a bet like you they didn't like you
I know the last time we spoke we discussed GA and your fears about getting there could you friend who you called not go with you for the first time?
KTF
Oldhamktf wrote:
I know the last time we spoke we discussed GA and your fears about getting there could you friend who you called not go with you for the first time?
KTF
Sadly, my friend lives nearly 200 miles away so wouldnt be able to do that. I am trying to see if I can cope without the meetings at the moment. I will however head to a meeting rather than a casino this time round
I have managed to stay away from any form of gambling. It has been tough but I still hanging in there.
Trying not to count the days as I am trying to see it as 'another free day'
Hi,
I get that it's hard to go first time but you will get a warm welcome and support - you have to accept the support.
One time I was quite late to my GamAnon meeting, outside the front door of the building was a GA member in deep conversation with a newcomer who wasn't ready to go in. The GA member was clearly prepared to stay out there as long as it took. Both were so engrossed that they didn't even notice me pass. The members really will do what they can to help.
BW,
CW
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