Day 1 of recovery...
So today just like always I was sitting at work and I could not get them online slots off my mind just sat there dreaming of all this money i could win (which would never happen) which is odd considering I was so god d**n busy. Anyway I some how managed to put gambling to the back of my mind and carried on with my day.
Suprisingly as soon as I finished work and was on my own (which i was dreading) I had absolutely no urge or intention to gamble AT ALL which surprised me given that's all that was on my mind throughout the day. It was a great feeling and a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time.
I have now been sat at home on my own for over 4 hours with money in my bank (not a great deal but money non the less ) and very accessible online gambling at the tips of my fingers.
Rather than spend the last little bit of money I have trying to get just a bit more back I instead have spent the last 2 hours self excluding myself from every single site I have ever joined. I also worked out what I'm gonna do with the money I feel like i have just won that's still sitting in my bank.
I have even gone as far as joining new sites just so i can Instantly self exclude myself ready for when/if the urge strikes again.
I have been gambling online at any opportunity when there's been money in my bank account. I have put blocks in place to try and prevent myself being silly and squandering every penny i have but it's just never worked.
Today/tonight feels different I have realised that i don't actually want to win money anymore purely because I don't need too. I have money, and i have a comfortable life (when im not gambling that is) no longer will i work 200 hours a month only to lose every penny i have within a matter of hours just to try and win a bit of money.
We will never win! Even if we got that 'big hit' we HAVE dreamed of it will never cover the money we have lost and continue to lose and it will always go straight back to the casino anyway.
It's not just about money is it gambling destroys everything. I am not the girl I was anymore I am someone who is constantly skint, upset, depressed, angry the list goes on. I nearly lost my relationship and friendships and i know a lot of you have lost marriages, houses, children and yourselves.
For me enough is enough.
The 15 grand I have lost in such a short space of time is dead and buried now and I'm not about to spend another 15 grand in the hope that one day I might just get a little bit of it back.
This is day one of the rest of my life And I've never felt more positive.
Thanks for reading and good luck to each and every one of you.
Day two...
Been up for 6 hours and no urge yet.
The sun is shining and I'm feeling good.
Hi Keep up the Good work , Put a block on and maybe spend that money in exchange for a shopping voucher so that you can still use in supermarket and wont blow it. Do you live on your own?
Hey thanks for the advice. I now have a lot of blocks in place. I told my partner last weekend, I had no other choice as I blew ВЈ1,600 in the space of a few hours this was every penny i had. I only planned to deposit £50 but of course the gambling rage had me 🙁 my partner had been angry but supportive and looking over my every move which is a good thing. I am currently living with my parents (thank God) I actually planned to buy a house in October last year but of course the addiction had me.
Welcome to the diaries Shantel.
I imagine most on the diaries will identify with your story. Here you are amongst friends, other compulsive gamblers who can understand the pain and torment you have been through.
It is heartwarming to see positivity shining through along with your insight and courage. I look forward to following your journey and wish you well ...stephen
Hi Stephen,
Thanks for your reply.. I love reading everyone's recovery diaries and it's so good to know I'm not going through this on my own.
It's day three and still gf yes it's only 3 days but there's money sitting in my bank rather than an online casino which makes me happy and proud considering it's been around a year since I've actually had money in my bank and haven't tried to lose it making more.
I know a lot of people on here have been gambling alot longer than me and have lost so much more and it's just made me realise that in 5/10 years that could be me which is so scary.
Day 3 for me and I'm feeling good.
Have a good weekend all.
Day 5 and I'm feeling alive!
This weekend i went to Manchester to meet some old friends for dinner and drinks. It's the first time I have properly socialised in 6 months because I usually gamble away all my money. I had such a great time and I haven't laughed so much in a long time.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
