First step

Best wishes Tommo and welcome keep reading and posting, what's your story (if you want to tell) 🙂

Good luck Tommo. Well done on admitting you have a problem. There's a lot of good people on here who will offer support to you.

Thank you for your comments. Feeling totally ashamed and cannot believe I have got into such a mess. At the point of losing my marriage and so angry I have done this to us all. Online slots is what has got me. But read a few diaries and got some ideas to try and help me. Start of day 2. One step at a time 🙁

Hi Tommo and welcome. For a CG (compulsive gambler) the only way to live a 'normal' life is gamble free. There are plenty of things you can do to help you along the way i.e. self exclusion, handing over financial control, blocking software, GA and/or counselling. One thing is for sure we all need help on this journey. No point trying to go it alone so fair play to you for seeking help and support.

The first few days and weeks are the hardest when the pain is still raw. I would advise to post as much as possible on your diary early on so you can look back after a while and see how far you've come and have a reminder why you don't want to go back there.

All the best

Thank you. It does seem to help a little writing on here. Can't wait for that day when things aren't as raw and I don't feel so desperate but one day at a time to getting my life back hopefully. Weekends always the worst for me....a little drink or two and off I go. But just been shopping and didn't buy any! Which that in itself is a miracle on a Saturday night. Day 3!

Had a bad night. Just felt so alone. Have cried on and off for nearly a week now and the night times are the worse. Hate the fact that I have hurt my family. Hate the fact it's took me to now to really recognise that. It's the look in my husbands eyes that hurts the most and the distance between us. I am not sure I have the strength to get through this but I know I have to if not for my marriage anymore but for my kids. Have to say reading success stories is comforting and also eye opening. I am going to do this! Start of day 4.

Morning Tommo36, first of all, welcome to the forum. Secondly, sorry you've have a tough night and horrible week. I know everything seems impossible now, but I promise if you stay gf there is light at the end of the tunnel. My life is completely different already from 42 days gf. I'm back to the old unselfish me. I'm not at all saying everything is rosey because it's far from it, but I can work through things now as I don't have the fog of gambling blurring my head/life. It's totally worth it! Please do stay in touch with your diary on here coz I really think it's helps keep a check. Also, if you get chance read through the more diaries on here, as i found they really helped and you will see how many people are in the same position with this horrible addiction! Hope you manage to get abit more of a clearer head over the next few days. Take Care C x

Thanks Charley1 it really does mean a lot to me. Just self excluded but reading the diaries I know this isn't all I need to do. Have also signed up for counselling. Am trying to find a block on my phone which doesn't actually cost money. Hubby has put a block on the home access but as we all know there are ways round it when desperation kicks in. For once I have been honest and told him the ways round it. I just want the willpower to keep in this frame of mind. The diaries do help. It is so scary how many people are affected. Both CGs and partners. Well done on getting where you have. I look forward to being there too. Keep going x

Day 5! It feels so much longer. Have woken after little sleep on my own for the first time in years after moving into the spare room. Doesn't feel great but it had to be done. Lots of home truths been said in 5 days. Lots of things I haven't wanted to hear. But if being honest I knew deep down. Not all linked to the effects of my gambling either. But it will not get me spiralling out of control and on the path to more self destruction. Only I can do this and I am determined to. I can't redo the past but I can make a different future.

Morning Tommo, your statement st the end is absolutely true and you hold on to that, 'you can't redo the past, but you can Cretans happy, better future that you and your family love. Sadly, sometimes we have to hear some home truths to help us get through this, but it's an encouragement usually for me because I want to change the way people see me. I was so unbelievably selfish when I was on gambling and so miserable, moody, grumpy with the wrong people, who didn't deserve it. You focus on what is going to help you change and out those steps in place to prove you 100% want this. I used to hate Monday's, but now love them as I see it as a new week ahead to try and make things that little better. I hope you can find some strength today and get through this week. Cx

Thanks C x End of day 6. Been a reasonably good day.

Well done on your gf days, stay positive x

Thanks Anon x day 8 nearly over. Starting to feel a bit more positive. I am going to beat this. My black cloud is slowly lifting and I don't want it coming back.

Hi Tommo well done on your gf days really glad the black cloud has lifted too, best wishes Lu x