For my children, my wife and myself

Hi, I really felt for you reading this. I haven't plucked up the courage to tell my fiancГ© about my addiction, I fear he will leave me. My plan is pay off my credit card without him realising. i think you telling your wife (again) was very brave. I hope you can kick this awful addiction and come out fighting at the other end. Good luck

Hi Dave, appreciate you have now booked some counselling but I can't quite understand why you have had you wife bail you out again? You have been here a very long time & you must know that the constant stream of money is enabling you to continue breaking her heart. Time to step up & relinquish financial control methinks...It doesn't have to be forever. She is a better woman that I standing by you through all this & whilst I agree with her sentiments, this addiction is not about money, you are breaking her trust every time you relapse & if you don't figure this out, she may not hang around forever. These reasons for quitting have always been there & never been enough before, counselling alone will not stop you gambling immediately...Come on, get proper blocks in place to slam those doors on gambling once & for all!

Time to fight for your life - ODAAT

Thanks for your support Starlet2. I tried to reply but I don't think you have set up a diary yet. In my experience it can be a relief for people to know. I know that when I am in the 'gambling haze' I am distant and irritable. In short not great to be around. It is almost like I have two personalities - my gambling one and my non gambling one. Take care and stay strong.

Best wishes

Dave

Dave,

I read what you posted to ODAAT, disappointing. I endorse what she says, even if it's not what you want to hear. Support is available here but also experienced advice from people in long term recovery.

I'm the wife of a CG who, despite serious past sins including dishonesty, despite causing extensive damage and hurt, is presently committed to recovery and to doing what it takes to stay that way. Which includes plenty of being told what he doesn't want to hear - not so much by me these days but at GA. He takes it because it's probably correct and because he wants to stay gf.

I am very familiar with the addict behaviour, the lies, the mood swings, with being taken for a mug. It's no fun being on the receiving end of all that and you might stop and think how your wife feels and less about how the present tough talking affects you.

Also, as many times as your long suffering wife bails you out, you'll gamble, she's actually not really helping you. If you want to stop, keep the triangle broken and all loopholes closed - handing over financial control does help. But more importantly, look at what gambling is giving you, why you need it and what else can fill the same need. To eliminate (over time) the mood swings, lies etc. For your children, your wife and you.

CW

Wow! My day 1 in recovery was going well until I made the mistake of posting on my diary. Yes, my diary. A place where I can put down my thoughts. Cynical wife we all have a right to our opinions. I agree with most of what you say but please don't patronise me by telling me that you are disappointed in me! I am disappointed enough in myself already! Maybe it is not the not wanting to hear it but how it is told and when. Day 1 in your recovery is surely a time for encouragement and support.

Sorry for being patronising, not intended and for what it's worth I wish you well. But recovery isn't just about good wishes and it certainly isn't about luck. Encouragement and support are all fine but at the end of the day, it's about what you are going to do differently this time, for you. It really is about what you do, rather than intentions. It's hard all round but the change comes from you.

BW,

CW

Hi Dave and welcome back to the forum , we've not spoken before,So My name's Alan and like you I'm a compulsive gambler .

I see that youv'e been coming on here since 2011 , so firstly well done for not giving up on fighting this addiction and it takes guts to come back on and admit what's still going on in your life , it's just my opinion of course but when youv'e been here on and off for so long you obviously know what people are going to question and in some respects I have to agree with some of the comments that have been posted to you , the main one being that as admirable as it is that your wife keeps bailing you out , she is actually enabling you to continue gambling and maybe if you took the responsibility for your debt it may make you think twice before going on another binge ?

It just seems that it makes it easy for you to write off another loss , whereas if you had to sort your own mess out it would be more of a reminder of the results of your actions .

I'm not trying to wind you up , its just the way it appears to come accross and whilst it is true that this is your diary to post on as you wish and record your journey of recovery, as it always has been on here it's on view for everyone to comment as they see fit .

I truly wish you well and all the best for now

Alan

Hi, you didn't need to thank me if you didn't appreciate my comments! This is not your day 1, it is not even your 1st thread involving your family so I did not post with the same heart I would have to a newbie but I accept that I upset you & for that I apologise! I too wish you every strength going forwards for you & your family.

Apologies Dave, It wasn't a criticism at your wife for bailing you out but more at you for willingly accepting it , it's like having a get out of jail free card just dropping your debt off and moving on .

Your right I don't know your circumstances as were all very different on here , my difference to you is that I've accepted the debt I created as my own fault and am repaying it myself over time , I'm more than happy to do this as it's a good reminder of the mess I created and the heartache I caused my family !.

I am focused on my own recovery in a way that has kept me gamble free and I hope in time you can do the same my friend.

So from one keyboard warrior to another , I wish you well in your recovery !

All the best .............Alan

Dave, your situation may be unique but the addiction isn't, you seem to have everyone apologising to you for what are actually fair comments made with good intentions.

I get that we're winding you up but at the moment it doesn't take much. And sorry, but I for one have walked on enough eggshells. I do wish you well, I have no intention of being patronising or of causing offence but I stand by what I've posted.

CW

Dave,

Fella I have read and re read your thread over and over and I just don't get it,

Are you the victim?

I believe that on the 13/2/2015 you wrote the same thing more or less that you did yesterday.

How amazing your wife is for paying off your debt.

You repay her?

Is it a business transaction?

Do you have a partnership like a business?

See I believe that in a marriage you share everything or maybe I am out of touch, a dinosaur?

I have a bank account, it's the same one my wife has,our salaries are paid into it, we discuss what to jointly do with the hard earned.

Yes for twenty progressive years I controlled that account, I lied about where the funds had gone, because I stole from us to feed my addiction.

Dave you wrote about going to counselling to find a cure.

Fella there is no cure to be found in my opinion, you might take solace in finding something to blame but I am going to wheel the elephant into the room.

You like me are a gambling addict, addiction will live with you and me alike for the rest of our lives.

You like me unless wholly committed to recovery will never be able to be trusted,you will continue to steal the means to gamble, every reprieve will be a green light for addiction, I know because I walked in those shoes.

In seeking recovery I believe I found humility.

The ability to see that I would happily hunt with the hounds and run with the foxes to boot.

I leave you with this

To repeat the same thing over and again and expect the outcome to change is the definition of madness.

A . Einstein.

If I offend the compulsive gambler in you I make no apology, I would like to live with that elephant in full view.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Dave,

Counselling sessions.

Something that I undertook very early on in my recovery and attended 12 sessions kindly provided by Gamcare.

I was open, honest, angry and very self critical of myself during the early sessions. Sometimes to the point of tears and the session had to be stopped in order for me to regain composure.

The more you put into the session the more you will get out.

I appreciate this is your diary and every one of us has a common goal to stop and stay stopped. It can be a very emotional place and roller coaster. Honesty is something we dont possess when the gambling monster has us. Recovery allows the honesty to come to the fore.

Supprt both ways is crucial.

Best wishes

Day 2,

Thank you everybody for your supportive and constructive comments. I am determined to prove my doubters wrong. I'm looking forward to a gambling free weekend.

Dave

Hi Dave,

Although I agree with the advice that others have given you....if that's what you need to motivate you to stop then use it and get those non gambling days going up again.

I wish you well.

Damo