fresh start

I have had counciling before signalman I don’t think a ga meeting would do any good. Only one person that can help me and that is myself. Not going to have a bet today had a look at the runners but me gambling on horses leads me to putting money in the fobt. I still have my card details on my Apple Pay that’s why I was able to lose £300 I have tried to delete card it will let me do it but the details are stored in phone so all I have to do is go in Apple Pay and it’s easy to put card back on. Needs to make changes in my life because it is really getting me down

It makes me sad to hear how down you are. I was so down (as you know) but the GA meetings gave me hope, a new outlook and a new lease of life. Life is getting better for me every day and it can for you.

I know you want to help yourself but have you considered that a GA meeting is a huge step in finally helping yourself? There are a million reasons not to go Boro and only a few reasons to go to one Boro but here's a few... Gambling has you licked and you're in a bad place and you need support and all this punishment needs to stop. Please don't let pride stop you from going.

Anyway whatever you do good luck and get on top of this.

Boro wrote:

I have had counciling before signalman I don’t think a ga meeting would do any good. Only one person that can help me and that is myself. Not going to have a bet today had a look at the runners but me gambling on horses leads me to putting money in the fobt. I still have my card details on my Apple Pay that’s why I was able to lose £300 I have tried to delete card it will let me do it but the details are stored in phone so all I have to do is go in Apple Pay and it’s easy to put card back on. Needs to make changes in my life because it is really getting me down

Remove your card from the phone in settings. Cut up the card and order a new one. When it arrives scratch off the CVC code at the back without looking at it. Good luck.

Well in the 2 months I have not wrote on my diary I have won about £6500 on the fobt but I have gone and lost £3100 in about 2 hours. Going a £100 a spin back and forth to the counter the bloke behind counter even said this is getting silly now,it was embarrassing to be honest when I think about it now. Me target of not going in betting shop is April when the stake reduction happens not going to set greater goals. Feeling down and sorry for myself and I know how much this is effecting my family. I have lost everything because of these machines but I still do it. When will it all end I’m 38 and this has been going on for the last 15-20 years need to change

Hello Ricky,

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Well done for realising it is an addiction that has been taken over yourself and your life. You must keep reminding yourself that what has the gambling addiction has done to you and many many other people visiting this website. I do not against people gambling for fun and when it is under control but when it become out of control and start taking over you and your life, that is when the problem starts. Of course it is not to start at all but we all know how tempting it is just to play £10 to see if I can win £30 then get out. Even if you are in control the first time or two after a few months break from gambling, you know you will keep going back until everything you won the last few times have lost. I have done the same, a lot of people have done the same visiting this website. That is why I am here to remind you and myself that is something I never want to do again, it ruin my life and everything that I have, luckily, I think I will be able to get away from loosing everything that i have, but I must not to gamble again. i know I am the kind of person get addicted to bad habbit very easily.

Keep it up, don't let addiction take over your life again.

Still in a daze, putting a brave face on at work. Target April

Struggling badly feel worse than I have ever felt. It’s not the money it’s just the same cycle nothing changes

Ricky mate

You helped me a lot when I first came on this site. You're a good guy who needs to get the better of this. 15-20 years of gambling means it is engrained in your system (sorry to say) but there is still hope mate. Please don't just wait around for it to take you again when you feel weak. Rather than put gambling behind you finally you're seeing how long you can go without gambling... What do you think will happen mate.

I know you've tried counselling and all that before but get to a GA meeting... Try something different otherwise you'll stay on this merry-go-round. Do something different and try to beat this properly, if not for yourself at least for your daughter. Get to a GA meeting man. You have a serious gambling problem (like the rest of us on here) and there is powerful medicine to be had in those rooms... If only you would just swallow your pride and get to them. This whole not gambling until April thing... You've tried cold turkey so many times Ricky and it's not worked... What's different this time? What are you doing differently this time to be so sure you won't gamble until April? I'm only speaking from experience here buddy... Not preaching or whatever.

It’s graeme not Ricky mate. Lol.

April is when them machines get reduced to £2 I have excluded from just about every online company plus I have gamstop on me phone.

Would not dream of putting a lot of money on a horse or football accumalator. My problem won’t disappear in April but my main vice will fobt never play slots it’s just roulette never been to a casino.

I have cut my card so if I need any money I just transfer it into my mam account and she get me the money it’s the only safe thing to do to be honest. Cannot have my cash card for the forseeable future. I appreciate your support signalman as alway mate

Ok I hear what you're saying about the precautions you put in place... I get it. Make it through to April and hopefully you'll be safe.

I can't speak for you but for me I want to be in a position one day where if someone plonked me in a casino in my sleep when I woke up I would be able to cope and would just walk out the door calmly without gambling or feeling overwhelmed... In fact I had to go into a casino last month to change money - it was tough (early days for me) but I didn't gamble. I want to be better than gambling not keep running from it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you may be ok until April now you don't have your card. But the rest of your life is a long time and all it takes is for that April deadline to be extended or one accidental trip to the casino or a hole in your armoury online (a site that slips through the net) and you're stuffed. I just think it's a dangerous game you play, one I've played for years and lost miserably which is why I'm getting help to arrest my problem with addiction rather than just putting blocks in and hoping for the best. I hope one day you will do this too. But at the same time I prey that the blocks you put in are enough to see you through. Sorry to hear about your fate just before Christmas but stay on here this time, don't drift away and we can support each other. That's the very least I can do for you after you had my back earlier in the year. Keep in touch.

For me signalman I never beat this gambling addiction it’s just about dealing with it the best I can and making sure the blocks are in place. No amount of counciling which I have had will help and I must have had 20 plus sessions. But yeah I definitely continue to post. The things is I’m still up for the month by 3 grand so if I stop now with blocks in place things aren’t bad. But it was the embarrassment of losing &3 grand on a machine in 2 hours

I don't know how you did it mate but fair play for stopping at the 3k and walking away... That's something I guess... Something I couldn't do so many times.

It's just the fact that 3k in 2hours is not normal behaviour is it... It's madness really. Not just the 3k... It's the 2 hours watching a computer screen take your money and keep going back for more.

There are better ways to live mate like you know already. I'm not trying to make you feel bad for fun (I'm saying this because I'll throw anything at you right now to keep you away from the FOBT until April, even if that means upsetting you) but I'll always remember when I first started this and you posted that you had a massive urge to win money back but you beat the urge and went and bought your daughter something for £55 (I think it was trainers or clothes) it was a real victory for you, you were so proud of yourself and rightly so... Mate I was proud of you... That post inspired me that we can take back control of our brains if we want to.

So...

Yes you're up 3k now and all that... But what about the 3k lost? What could you have brought your daughter with that 3k??? Did you even consider her or this question when you were pumping it all into a machine? This gambling addiction has you by the balls mate... You are unwell and need help like we all do on here... How sick are you? Sick enough to do the remaining 3k? I admire your honesty Graeme mate I really do... your stories are often heartbreaking but written with brutal honesty. At least you use this site for honourable reasons (because you know the support helps in the fight back). PLEASE don't come back to post that you did the other 3k at the bookies or that would be 6k you could have spent on your daughter... 6k mate... There's a whole lot of difference between 6k and £55 mate... If this sinking in doesn't stop you and you end up back here devastated after doing the rest of your 'winnings' then all I can do at that point is prey for you and hope for the best.

Again just to be clear I'm not being nasty... You just need to hear some home truths. I don't think you're ready to accept you are f****d and have a problem but I know for a fact you have a big heart and a warm soul so if you you're not willing to battle against your addiction then at least acknowledge what I've said and battle through for your daughter... At least until April mate. Then reassess things from there. Best of luck Graeme.

The thing that stopped me mate was it was getting embarrassing going back and forth to the counter and even the bloke behind counter said this is getting silly now and he was starting to feel guilty. Your right I could have given my daughter the best Christmas ever but if I lost every penny I had it would finish me off because I have gone through this so many times. I really do appreciate your comments I need to here these from other people not only my family The thing that also gets to me is my daughter just wants money for Christmas I was originally going to give her a £100 but she wants a new bed so I said I’d buy her one after Christmas because her mam can’t afford it. I got a message off my daughter last night saying can I have £200 I need this that and other I said no because of the ways she was going on saying she block me and not come over Boxing Day. The thing is though if I give her £200 I have to give Joshua £200 who thinks I’m he dad he is now 16. I can’t give my daughter £200 but I can chuck £3000 in a machine. How stupid that mate.... greed. I can still afford it

I end up giving her £200 like but because I lost that £3000 I’m thinking that’s another loss. But deep down I’d give my daughter my last breath. That’s how selfish gambling makes us. Something which we aren’t without gambling

Mate that's how powerful this force is. I'll never forget the times I was gambling in the spare room and I could hear my 1 year old calling for me, wondering where I had got to. Instead of going to him I closed the door and put headphones on. I feel sick to the stomach recalling those memories. Ive let him down SO badly but this doesn't mean I can't make amends to him from here.

Just stay away from the FOBT however you can, until the max stake changes at least. Good move giving your mum the card. I hope that next Christmas we are chatting and are both in much better places. Make it count this time mate. All this money we have lost we should be spending on our kids... Not lining other people's pockets.