game over

Am in the insomnia club tonight, been in and out of bed like a yo yo. Think I might get a little help tomorrow from the chemist.

Great day for the Don's today, everyone seems to be celebrating.

Had a nice day enjoying the sunshine then went out for tea although it felt as if I should have been having breakfast, thought about having a drink but decided to wait until the weekend.

No thoughts on gambling today at all, life is better all round since I've stopped, just need to keep telling myself that. I still don't have enough confidence in myself to say I will never go back to it but at this moment in time I am determined not to.

Happy days 🙂

Thanks for your post babybluesky i really really appreciated it, love the name by the way its cool, just read a little of your first page its weird how reading someone elses diary can show ourselves how what we are thinking that we are not on our own thinking it , and with the situation we are all in and were in , it shows that that situation brings on those thoughts as we have same situation and same thoughts , but I did not think this thought or attitude was down to gambling but you have just showed me that I think it was , as on your first page you mentioned , although you may of been joking , you mentioned bi polar well , not till now have I remembered me thinking it but when I was heavily into the gambling s**t , at one point I thought maybe I was bi polar as I was really happy and excited screaming with excitement sometimes literally and then 10 mins later depressed almost suicidal , I thought maybe it was just bi polar seriously or just my weirdness lol, but now I realise from your first page on your diary that it was that bloody gambling making me act that way and I must admit since I have stopped gambling I am generally happy all the time apart from getting out of bed that is lol but that just me . And thanks again for your post im glad im not the only one who gets urge when reading other peoples posts or writing ect.. but thankfully I mostly feel better reading writing thanks simon onwards and upwards

Thanks Simon for your post. I used the name on here as it would have been easy for me to remember, it used to be one of my alias for my gambling days, I didn't actually think too much about it till you mentioned it lol, maybe I should have used a different name to sign in here, it's got me thinking now lol. It's never triggered anything up until now so unless it does I will leave it for the moment.

I know exactly where you are coming from about being excited one minute then depressed, it's not that we're crazy, your right it's the gambling that's making us act and feel that way, I used to be such a happy go lucky the glass is always full optimistic person but while gambling I would be lucky if I cracked a smile and spent the whole entire time worrying as well as isolating myself and barking at anyone who spoke to me and god help anyone who interrupted my gambling time, since stopping I can see my old self slowly creeping back, I'm laughing and smiling a lot more again, taking life less seriously and only worrying necessarily rather than worrying about the small things in life that don't matter, I know it will take time but I will eventually get there and so will you. It's good that you have noticed the changes in you already and your now more happy, it's your old self coming back. 🙂

Managed to drag myself out of bed this morning. Got to say I've feeling really good and positive, going to enjoy the day and go and get some retail therapy done, something I wouldn't have managed before. Week 2 of the diet, lost 3lb, that's probably due to the running around I did at work more than me eating less , I certainly earned my 1% pay rise while on nights, pfft lol.

Day 97 and I won't be gambling today.

Good evening Ladies!!!!!!!

Dear BBS - the noise you can hear are my footsteps behind you!! Great to hear that the humour is returning - really don't know how you guys manage night shifts (spelled correctly this time!!) - I have to do one every now and again and they burst me for days! Congrats to the Dons - would imagine the town would have been bouncing last night? Maybe you can use some of your well earned time off to provide Julie with some CC coaching? Lol!! Have a good week Mrs!!

Dear Julie - the dust you can taste in your mouth is due to me passing you.......L516 now - woop woop!! It has come at a cost....... I have a beard like Santa, will be sacked from work for sure for sitting in the loo for 12 hours a day & my accountant is going to start cutting my weekly allowance!!! You're doing superbly well Julie - still checking in on your diary - great being part of this Gamcare "generation" it feels a really successful one!! As Bob would say, Guard Up!!

Night night,

Mr Bx

Brilliant stuff Julie, 100 days is a big achievement. Enjoy your day, you've done so well!

Thanks Julie hope you've passed your level now lol. Thanks for the support Mr B congratulations on your 100 day milestone.

Thanks Bornagain your mile stone is coming up and I'm confident you will be achieving it (my names not julie btw lol)

Day 100 can't believe I've actually reached this far, beginning to think I am going to make the year milestone. Happy days 🙂

B.B.

Congrats on your continued abstinence and commitment to your diary and recovery. You deserve to feel great. Keep it going.

Tomso.

I'm sorry babybluesky I need to make a list of everybody's names, there's so many of us on the 2014 challenge that it's hard to keep up lol. Hope your day 100 has been good, you've done really well!

I hope I can get this post on!

Congrats bbs on your 100 days x

Linda

Hey bbs,

Oh no!!! I'm late to congratulate you lol..all I can say - better later than never 🙂

Very well done on your little milestone, keep it up, onwards and upwards, you are worth all the best things in your life. Be proud, stay strong, move along, enjoy and smile.Life is so much better without self destruction crossing the path, you know it girl, keep on the bright side of the road.

Be proud, you are doing brill!!! ( and not only at cc lol..I had to fit it somewhere haha) keep it up!!

Day at at time

Sandra 🙂

Thanks folks. Big day for you tomorrow Phil 🙂

Your doing amazing also Sandra, your posts always make me smile 🙂

Day 106 Not a lot to report. On holidays from work now so enjoying every minute of them. Had a couple of birthdays over the last few days so been kept busy with those.

CC has a new update, got to say I lost interest for a while but it has gotten more interesting since it has changed slightly L539

Went to the library this morning as I've not read a good book in ages and noticed one about gambling and how to beat online slots, had a flick through it as curiosity got the better of me, gotta say what a load of rubbish! Given a few months ago I would have probably taken every word written in that book as gospel, glad I'm much stronger now though and can see through rubbish cr** like that. It's amazing what people will do to make money from others.

No thoughts on gambling until today, nothing major though. I know am not going to gamble today 🙂

Day 108

Not had a good day today, and I'm here in my diary to vent.

I'm normally quite positive about the future but today it's been the opposite. Started with when I received a call about my car and it appears it needed new brake pads and a few other things which I don't have the slightest clue about but however when I got the bill it was a lot more than I had expected I was so peeved off with myself had I not been a stupid gambler for the last few years I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at the bill, however because I had to use the money I had saved from not gambling it really got to me for some reason. It's just the hassle I've gone through to save that money like working extra shifts at work which I could have happily spent at home with my family.

Everything went downhill after that what could go wrong did, I could have easily of stuck my two fingers up to everything today and quite happily gambled as it's like I don't care any more and I needed something/ comfort, excitement just to make me feel better but somehow and somewhere I I found the strength not to.

The repercussions of my past have finally hit home. The anger has finally built up and I can't shake it off. I know I'm simply feeling sorry for myself and I'm truly not wanting sympathy or advice off anyone, just a place to vent. I know this feeling will have gone by the time I wake up tomorrow. I know it's not about the money and by the end of the year I will have savings again but it's been a trigger today for my emotions and I'm so angry with myself for being so stupid. I've barely talked to anyone today.

I would have been better off staying in my bed this morning and not getting out.

Good morning bbsky,

Well done on your continued abstinence and beating the urges last night. Reading your last post and it's like looking in a mirror. Truly relate to how you felt yesterday, anger can play all sort of tricks with our minds. I hardly pushed few sentences yesterday, and even if it puts more pressure on, I sometimes let it boil inside.

I hope today is brighter for you, you are strong and confident person. Ride s**t days out and enjoy the good ones, as of gambling - f**k it, it's not worth to make your trouble double trouble, we both know the outcome.

As they say - morning is smarter than evening and I wish you fab weekend.

Well done, be proud and keep fighting the good fight, day at a time

Take care

Sandra x

Good Morning BBsky,

I am new here, very new. Well done on the 100+ days, i can only pray i can make it that far. I really commend you to have the courage to come here and share your vents and let us all know you COULD of gambled on that horrid day. Will i have the courage and bottle to do that on my day? hmmm not sure yet because It hasn't happened for me YET!! but i know it's coming. I have put a little note in my head to come read your post again when i have a bill i have to pay or the Car Tax is due or whatever i have to pay with my savings and make sure my thoughts of i can gamble it up for a little help to pay those bills does not ruin my dedication to quitting this degenerate gambling addiction i have.

Well done your brilliant keep it up.

CasinoRoyaLoser

Thanks folks, posted on your diary's.

Feeling slightly better today which I knew I would, just like the old days when I gambled, felt like sh*te for the night then woke up the next day with the memory of how bad at the amount of money I had lost suddenly erased from my memory and off I would go gambling again.

My partner has been sympathetic and really nice to me today, he doesn't realise the reason I wasn't speaking to him yesterday was down to my own self loathing and hatred at what I had done, he thought it was something he had done - anyhow I'm not complaining lol I could tell him but he has never understood I had a problem and doesn't like to speak about it so there is no point.

My son has came to stay with me for a few day so that should keep me busy and take my mind off things - I don't like having too much time on my hands it makes me think about things too much and I get to feel useful once again, don't like my kids being so grown up and independent now

Anyhow another day notched up without gambling- long may it continue