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Hi Sandra

What a lovely post you have sent me again

Yes little tiny steps one hour at a time if need be it does help

I understand whAt you mean about not in enough pain I wonder if it's because we have felt THE PAIN

And HELL of it all with what gambling brings and we are not satisfying our ridiculous needs until we reach that point of pain again I went through something like that at the end I had to get to that same HELL point before I stopped This went on for a while what was all that about

I stopped because I had nothing left to feed the machine it had wiped me out in every way

We know we will never be cured from this but we can abstain we have to in the end you will never win the beast you will only lose more and more

I know you are a strong lady and you know already what I have written you have to believe you can do it like you told me and believing in yourself as I said it really is the only way in the end

we will ride that roller coaster and yes we will feel ///// at times on it but if we believe that we can hold on tight we surely won't fall off

Take care

Suzanne xx

Hey girl so ya got in a good 10 hours did ya. LOL Hell i didn't get in that much but maybe seen 6 or 7 so not complaining. Yeah I tried doing a few cold ones but dam was I tired and fizzled out about a few sips into that second beer. LOL Yeah having a few after work has never bothered me and has always been that nice way to unwind at the end of the day.

Yup 8 more hours to get through and bring on 3 day weekend. At least I won't be looking at 8 hour of garbage hauling. boy that really sucked and didn't think i could boost another bag of that sh-it about 2 hours into it. Yeah made the last 6 hours real rough. LOL

About to get that first cup of Joe brewing for the day. Need to get at watering my flowers and calling my boy before I head in for another day. got another recall notice on my car. Hell the first one came about 2 or 3 years ago but had the wrong model for my car so kinda ignored it. This one came with the wrong model again but had a vin number attached to it and yeah matched up. LOL So yeah thinking something with the power steering needs fixing but says they don't have the parts yet. LOL Lol Lol Hell if they didn't get them parts in 3 years time I'm sure I'm in for a Hell of a wait. Hell general motors has had more recalls on their cars in the past 5 years or so that I don't think I'd buy another. The car I had before this was a GM too and must of had at least 5 recalls on it alone. Makes me real glad I totaled the piece of sh- it. LOL Lol Lol

Well hope ya have a good day/ night girl.

Hey girl and It's the weekend and boy do I need it cause I feel a wreck. LOL Hell got some half a-ss note when I got into work with a coworkers name to it first saying to unlock about 30 classrooms. Well his name was crossed out but the rest of the message remained and underneath that was my name saying what looked to be "love these rooms and coolers." LOL Lol Lol well ok Lol Well I just thought my coworkers wouldn't have time Monday morning to get the job done by the time these rooms were needed so he put my name on it. So yeah after break I told my 3rd shift buddy I was gonna go get the trash from the offices and unlock these loved rooms and coolers. LOL Well sh-it these loved rooms and coolers were already opened and used with heaping loads of trash. Dam filled a big bin with garbage and thought better tell my buddy wants taking me so long cause yeah I haven't put a dent in all them rooms. LOL so yeah explained what was going on and he said he come and help and yeah 2 hours later we from start to finish we were done and doors left unlocked. Well wasnt till last break i showed this half a-ss note to my buddy and he thought the word printed love was late. LOL Well late these rooms and coolers didn't make any sense and what the fu-ck. Kinda thought all at once oh fu-ck lock these rooms and coolers. LOL Lol Lol daaaaam. Yeah back to them fricken room to relock em all and Hell does this night suck.

Yup kicked back with a cold one and trying to numb the pain of the last 2 fricken days. LOL Lol Lol

I know your night had to be much better. LOL

LOL Well Sh-it girl ya might of ran a close second to my night. LOL Lol Lol thinking the only way I made heads or tails of that note I got was, i stared at it so long trying to figure it out my eyes finally went cross eyed and the word just came together. LOL Lol Lol

Hi Sis,

And, we are all still plugging along. I think that's the way it is. I think slipping from time to time is inevitable. At the time it feels like stepping into pure **** no doubt about that but, none of us are perfect. I have learned along the way that its what we do next that counts. Do we just chuck everything down the tubes? Throw down our swords and say f*****k it I quit? No! We get up and keep on fighting. You are a living breathing example of success and perseverance. One slip doesn't change that. How could it?? -joanxxxx

Hi there lovely lady.

Your last entry brought a tear to my eye as you are such a strong fighting spirit but I so wish for you to have peace and happiness and all those beautiful colours you speak of in your life, a rainbow every day but sheltered from the rain.

You support so many others on here and if karma comes into play you will be rewarded in finding that happiness and a small slip up is not going to change that as you leap back up to fight on.

Don't write so often now but you are in my thoughts every day.

xxx

Thank you dear soldiers xxx

Dear diary,

Today I live with dread surrounding me. One of them days where I would like to roll in a ball and hide from the world. Want to be as little and not visible.

I dread going into work, dread of losing this house and dread of making the wrong choice again. Today I hardly see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's dark and cold and I keep tripping on doubts and fear. Oh yea, addiction is right here offering easy escape from my feelings. Just not long ago it had me beaten and defeated. Today I can only grin at you dear nasty habit - two fingers up and not much more I can offer. You had a bite of me and it is still very raw, wound is open and I'm not rubbing salt onto it. You had your time and I'm having my time now. Two words - f..k you.

Time to face the consequences of something so little in my power. But something what is reality and cannot be shifted to the side. Time to get my head down and bravely accept the blows. Time to fight even if this battle is already lost. Time to accept life for what it is - full of challenges and surprises. Time to move on

No gambling today. No desire, to put my soul up for sale again

Stay safe all

S x

Hi Sandra

I wish I could somehow take some of that pain away it hurts to hear how your feeling , I know your work situation well and I know it doesn't help , your house so far is safe and no notices given , I know you will fight through all this

The gambling I know you will fight even harder and that inspires me so much , I can't start even to tell you how your support has rant to me

Eternally grateful

One down two to go with work count the hours down if need be

Castle2

Well sh-it girl, sounds like your going through a rough one over there. Fu-ck that and just shove them bad a-ss thoughts to the back of your mind like they never existed. Yeah easier said than done, but can be done.

Hey guys,

Thank you for your kind words, I wish I could edit my last post but gonna leave it there cause that's how I felt at the time of typing it.

All good, storm passing, stress levels down and I keep on a right path. At least for today 🙂

Have a lovely weekend all and stay safe (I'm gonna do exactly the same)

Sx

Awe ///// girl and you know the routine. LOL Hell this time didn't notice all that till much later. Hell running on empty body fuel wise in trying to make the shift in hours work wise.

Hell girl, don't let Sh-it bring ya down be it little or big. Just look it in the eye and say "OH REALLY" Yup just put it in its place.

LOL oh Hell girl and I drank like 4 of them 8 ounce things and can't say i felt a buzz. LOL Lol Lol Hell way too sweet and like drinking syrup. Yup got them precious red lips going and not the bottle lips ones. LOL Yeah since It's cans your lips don't need to block the flow like a bottle and yeah I ain't kool-ade kid. LOL Lol Lol but yeah does make a nice lipstick. LOL yeah switched all that and drinking what I like best and that be my miller high life beer. Hell we been buds forever and yeah has never let me down. LOL

Well Sh- it girl at least ya ain't loosing your house that ya set out to buy and that's all good. Renting that sh-it happens and had that handed to me more than a few times. Hell every move I made was for the better so don't frown on that happening. Just grin and bare it if it happens but yeah I'm sure you'll be sitting better than ya are today.

Take care girl.

Sandra

I am so proud you have found the courage from within to stare this dirty,low life,destructive,nasty b********d called the compulsion to gamble square in the face and make a choice that is the right one for you.

Thanks for popping by my thread,I know we communicate away from the forum to which I am ever thankful of the support you offer.

Keep making the right choice

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Sandra

Yet again I say to you what a lady you are

Keep going keep strong and keep holding on tight

To make that right choice then other things do fall into place

Have a good positive day back on that rollercoaster

Take care

Suzanne x

Hey all and thank you xx

Dear diary,

Sunday. Fathers day here in UK. For some it's the time to get on their tiptoes and reach for that strong hug, for some it's time to go round and say thank you for being a great dad all these years and many more to come going forward, for some it's to go soul searching and remember how great they were and still are in spirit. My fathers day was 2 weeks ago. Send him something with a deep thought about him plus a text on a day. Got a phone call back...he was crying.what? Dads don't cry!! Well, mine does. I know he is close by no matter how many miles separating us. The point of this ramble, when I was little I always run to him cause I knew I'm gonna be safe and get protection from anything...weirdly all I wanted to do all last week is run to him and get that shield of safety, understanding and comfort..

Just a thoughtful day, I want my dad here and now to talk things through. ..but sometimes you gotta do it all by yourself. God I'm 28 but feel like 8 on a days like that.

Right, a bit about gambling then. NO turning back to this ugly habit. I will do it just for today.

No gamble today it's a waste of time

S x