...

Brick by brick S, all i can do is keep giving my best

Diary,

Thought long and hard but can't help myself so a rant coming up lol..please don't read if you set off for a good day 🙂

Soooo...GN huh? Ok, never really seen those and never had interest in this sport (best to have cabbage head and press one button eh? Bonkers).
I am actually scared of those animals and not only cause been kicked once while little, ."give it a stroke and maybe some sugar"...ummmmm if Sandra knew how to approach the beast :-/
Anyway, back to the rant. I accidentally clicked on the channel yesterday just before "fun race" started..now, what's so fun about it? Jockeys falling off horses and being stamped on their lifeless bodies with "fellow" competitors or....horses actually bein killed in the process? One died yesterday and i had few tears falling down for poor creature..... Cruel sport! Not human at all...ambulances trying to keep up with the race on the sidelines....crowd cheering .....absolute madness!!. And still trying to get my head round it..why it's so "posh" event....oohhh..look at me in my lovely dress and hat on...just come to say goodbye to another injured person or dead animal...might as well wear gowns with guns hidden underneath waiting for the moment to press the trigger!!..
Agrrr..ok..that's me anyway, just expressed few thoughts on the subject. I suppose this post will stay up for a few days until gets edited so if ya read this far....sorry if i come across too nasty on the subject, no offence intended.....animals are for joy and not cruelty in my eyes.

Ok, not too bad weekend so far, legs are bk to normal after few exercises this weekend (you would think i was skating for 5hrs lol...god d**n it felt like it after one hour, good job i didn't have to wrap it up cause my friend run out of steam first lol...sozzzzz you if ya read :-D)

Off to see my ex colleague for a coffee..see what's going on back in the coal place and get an idea what I'm about to face next week...joy of joys!

Stay safe all, no gambling...even if mr G waits patiently outside the house..

S x

Hi ya,

Thanks for your check in on me, ( can't a girl have a lie in ohh lol), it's freezing up here today S, and very windy, I know cos we have just got back from a car boot sale, ( starting to de clutter HD indeed).

Agree with you on the poor horses, they have no choice, I did not turn it on, it's quite barbaric in this day and age to mistreat animals, the jockeys choose to ride, so they know they may get injured, the grand National has become more ruthless over the years ( and that is putting it mildly)lol, there is no FUN at all in it, that went years ago when the industry started to get really greedy.

Hey you with these coo coo thoughts, remember they are only negative thoughts, and can be controlled by you,

Enjoy your catch up with colleague and don't stress about work, HD. (Not till you get back ohh HD).

Keep strong, and stay safe.

Sxxxxxxxx

Whoop whoop,thanx troops!

Diary,

11.5km - 1hr 15min!!!!! In your face mr G in ur f*****g face!!!

Wow, this is cool, even tho few tears on the way (hooricane blowing in my face lol..me not crying otherwise) 🙂
Amazing, have so much energy it's refreshing!
All i need now is just a oxygen mask and maybe a bar of chocolate 😛

Plus new legs tomorrow haha.

HD, lets do it soldiers!!!!! Keep safe, embrace recovery!!
Yyyeeehhhaaahhh!!

S x

Hello my little ice sweeper...Good to see you've got your legs back 🙂 I'm surprised those little legs can run that fast...You must look like Road Runner when you pass people 😉

I'm embracing girlie - Raaarrrrr 🙂

Well done on the run Sandra. I realised today it was two years to the day since I ran a marathon going to get back into running soon I think.

Sorry to hear your troubles recently but you seem to be back on track a little now so keep smiling and keep going you can beat this. Wish you all the best 🙂

16km -1hr 45min.
...and now it feels like i am punishing myself..hmmm.
Feel like caged animal today. Don't know where yo turn to escape myself lol..chose to go for a run cause staying at home would of meant more self pity and useless chain smoking (which I'm trying to give up, but as my dear friend said "don't run before you can walk".wise words from wise soul)
So...it has all started with stress building up about work..and then past events come to forefront..and then million questions about my future.."what next?"..god dam i need to give myself a break lol

There is some things i cannot change, but i also struggling to accept them. will i one day? Not sure, don't think i can close that chapter, but anything is possible.

Thought about my AA room and why i didn't come bk after feeling like i was surrounded by my own family...people who understands, supports, listen and shares honesty..
..maybe one of the reasons was my ego telling me that i do not have a problem...i'm not drink driving, I'm not waking up god knows where and cannot remember how i got here, i don't skip work or swap my family or belongings for the bottle..
...the reality is, like every addiction - it is progressive. Everything starts with little kick start and escalates to uncontrollable destruction.
the main question is - do i want to b a better person? Do i want to be kinder to myself? Do i want to change?

I guess i know the answer...sigh..it's tough but it's possible.

I will control my addictions just for today.
no gambling

..as our dear SA says ..life goes on 🙂

Breath girl, breath! That's all you need to do for now! Then find something to occupy that whirring mind & put the pain of 'yesterday' back in it's place! You know why you are hurting & you are fighting to find a way to cope with the pain! Addiction may begin with a kick start & progress but recovery does too! When you are ready, you can walk back through the doors of AA & find another 'family' to support & get support from! Like here, I'm guessing you won't be judged & yours won't be the 1st ego to tell you there ain't nothing wrong!

Don't worry about tomorrow, today is all that matters! Today, you choose not to gamble, that is enough in itself! Those baby steps will keep you moving forwards & that's all that matters @ the moment!

Keep fighting - ODAAT

Hiya Miss feisty..thanks for the nudge..must admit i do need one from time to time lol..you're not alone with your rant about the GN Sandra..mrs Ginge has never watched the race for the self same reasons...one things for sure Ginger won't be putting his trainers on when you & SA are around...in my 1 hour weekend 'jogs' I cover around 6 miles..and I've never smoked.

like you say Sandra it's slowly slowly catchy monkey..one day we'll catch that monkey and see that sunrise...keep doing the right thing..onwards and upwards..Ginger

Sandra12 wrote: 16km -1hr 45min.
...and now it feels like i am punishing myself..hmmm.
Feel like caged animal today. Don't know where yo turn to escape myself lol..chose to go for a run cause staying at home would of meant more self pity and useless chain smoking (which I'm trying to give up, but as my dear friend said "don't run before you can walk".wise words from wise soul)
So...it has all started with stress building up about work..and then past events come to forefront..and then million questions about my future.."what next?"..god dam i need to give myself a break lol

There is some things i cannot change, but i also struggling to accept them. will i one day? Not sure, don't think i can close that chapter, but anything is possible.

Thought about my AA room and why i didn't come bk after feeling like i was surrounded by my own family...people who understands, supports, listen and shares honesty..
..maybe one of the reasons was my ego telling me that i do not have a problem...i'm not drink driving, I'm not waking up god knows where and cannot remember how i got here, i don't skip work or swap my family or belongings for the bottle..
...the reality is, like every addiction - it is progressive. Everything starts with little kick start and escalates to uncontrollable destruction.
the main question is - do i want to b a better person? Do i want to be kinder to myself? Do i want to change?

I guess i know the answer...sigh..it's tough but it's possible.

I will control my addictions just for today.
no gambling

..as our dear SA says ..life goes on 🙂

Sandra...

As always, ty so much for your continued support.

Have truelly witnessed with my own eyes how this little Tigger has bounced along and got a handle of the beast that lays with in.

I really think you just need to keep on being YOU, some times change isn't necessary and just accepting the truly nice person you are is enough. If I didn't understand ' be nice to yourself '. I do now where your concerned.

Take care

Hey just catching up on everyone's diarys so here's me popping by.....
keep on not giving up on giving up and be proud of yourself each time you get back up n brush yourself off shows the courage and strength you own
well done chic x

Hi Sandra
just popped over to say thank you for your continued support and please, please be kind to yourself.
You are more than worth it and am proud of you
Cheryl xxx

Hi S,

Wishing you a good calm day back at work,

Xxxxxxxx

Hey and thank you all so much for your lovely messages

All is ok in Sandra's world. I am being kind to myself and moving away from self destruction with every passing day. Of course i cannot do it by myself and i admit that, but i never felt surrounded by so many angels before..i am thankful for every single one of you for never giving up on me and waiting patiently for me to find my own feet on this earth.

Blabbing on lol..no issues to report. Taken up running a lot more now, but not going ott..well trying to..so 3-4 miles a day is a good warm up to these aging bones 😉

Stay safe all..keep winning and being proud of yourselves.

God bless

S x

Walking, running, all you need to do on this journey is keep putting one foot in front of the other 🙂

15 days has been a lifetime for you & I am glad that you have allowed us to witness this progression!

Walking right alongside you (my dear dear friend) ODAAT - Juuuuuune

Hey Sandra, Ginge would like to add skating to juuune's modes of transportation.....and if you're gonna do your 3-4 miles today..don't forget your sun cream...it not just for us Gingers ya know 🙂 ...OAU....Ginger.