...

Yo,

I know you feel like s***t , Hun , but it's not day one .

So many positives have come out of that experience .

One spin and you stopped self canceled took the action needed . That took soooooooo much strength .

It would of been far easier to continue , but not you!

So the addiction struck the first blow , hit its mark , but up came your defences and it never got to land another .

Never in my time on this site have I seen heard of someone succumbing having one bet and coming to their senses.

It's testament of how very far you have come , so as I said sooo many positives , you today should be proud and not feel guilty or like you let yourself or anyone down .

As for posting , or advising others , you most defo have the credentials . Today you inspired me , know that may shock you , but hand on heart you did . Because if I had been walking in your shoes , I know for a fact that I would not of stopped .

Be kind to yourself, today you did something amaZing .

Shiny xxxxxxxx

((( Shiny)))

Just a little warning to everyone on here...Please keep you defenses high ALL OF THE TIME, because if you someone like me, and want to set yourself free more than anything - it is not worth the hassle...the feeling is unbearable, i don't want to exist anymore.....It's not about money...it's how far we get and how we feel about ourselves....

....to then...just crash from the sky.....and get broken inside.

Just don't give in...i tell you from the bottom of my heart......don't give in the temptations...

S x

Hi Sandra, just wanted to say your small blip recently is something you have learned from put it in your armour your diary now shows that your a better person you have done amazing dont beat yourself up just make sure now it makes you stronger.

Take care

The bear x

Thank you Bear

Hello diary,

Few hours( nearly half a day) passed and i still can't believe it..i need some kind of action plan...i don't know how else to go about my recovery...was it all just waste of time, i beat myself up mostly for letting other ppl down....still have to face councellor...how embarrassing.

Told my mate, which obviously wasn't too impressed...i could of easily lie and pretend it's all good, i'm carrying on...but what i got out of this recovery so far....is my honesty...and i'm proud of that....

I need to take extra steps to prevent myself of it happening again...prob go bank tomorrow and change my card to cash card....not much money there...but i prefer to give every penny to somebody who needs money more...

Oh it's tough...i am so stupid to letting it happen.....

Still down couse of my little Gizzy...missing since Friday...i think he won't be back...we went out looking for him...but nothing...

All cr** at once....

Sandra x

Hi Sandra,

Just been reading your diary, I think I hate the feeling that comes with a gambling slip more than almost any other feeling. I know how terrible it feels, but you were smart enough and strong enough to stop after just the one spin. There are many times where it has taken me an awful lot of money and time to find that strength.

Don't think about embarrassment when it comes to discussing things with others. They are there for you, and they would rather have you tell them than trying to gloss it over and pretend that nothing's happened.

We can't change what we've done or the poor choices we make, but we can change so that we don't make these mistakes in the future.

All the best,

Ryan

Thank you Ryan,

I am probably first to do that, but i think i will stay up all night and just keep writing.i think this slip had send me crazy....God i so didn't expect it to happen...My heart tells me to put it all behind...my body and brains don't agree..How long can you beat yourself up for £2 slip? well in my case...for a while.....don't go to work...c'mon....serious s**t going on here.....

I wish to turn time back...just back to 3am this morning....and just go back to sleep...not stay up till 7, go for a run...come back and check my e-mails...so little to get you to a disaster and out of sync...

Really mad with myself...i think that dragon has won and just laughing at me now.....I can't beat it...but i still can't live alongside it and ignore it...

I need to learn and learn...i'm disgusted with myself...

And for that tread on new members forum with offering the link to beat roulette...it's more disgusting...why GC not taking it off???

Oh God...mad about everything now....need to calm down....and accept what has happened....

Breath Sandra .....Breath..

xx

Hey Sandra..

No...its not too late to ring the counsellor or even speak to GC staff...whatever it takes to get you through and of a place of safety is what you need to do...

I know its a small amount but I am seeing just how important it is to you and I know I can't take your pain away...

I wonder if your friend is around and you can speak to her...she has to realise that this is part of recovery..slips are things in my mind that need to be factored in as this is the real meaning of progress not perfection,

If it helps I had a massive slip in my own recovery a few weeks ago in epic proportions and hurt someone who does not deserve it with my anger and rage who I should have been kinder to...

Please try and not beat yourself up Sandra ...I know we should not compare but what happened on a scale of 1-10 is about a 0.5 compared to what I did which was a big 10+ .I'm not saying that to trivialise your feelings ..I'm saying that to reassure you that you are not a bad person and you are not disgusting ...

Chin up darling...what would you say to me??? You would say that and that's what I'm saying to you now..

That good stuff you say to others...say to you right now in the mirror.

I'm can't bear to see you beat yourself up Hun,..you are a good person ...

R and D xxx

Hi Sandra

It was good to catch up on chat (albeit briefly- I hope there's good news).

Sorry I've not been around much.

Please, please, please do not beat yourself up any more about the "slip". Today is not a reflection of the progress you've made along your journey. Indeed, its testament to how far you've come that you managed to nip it in the bud.

Take care

Irene

x

ps I'd be happy for GC to pass my details if it would help

Yo

You know a very high percentage of addicts relapse

It's what we do next that defines us .

Our addiction wants us to feel bad , it will use everything and more to put us back in that place .

I too have been angry and frustrated when I have relapsed , and beaten myself up for days

I am willing you with all my being to give yourself a break here . You have done tremendously to get this far and by stopping after 2 quid and coming to your senses is no mean feat.

Please please be kind to you ,

You are in my thoughts ,

Shiny xxxxx

((( Rachel))), ((( Irene ))), ((( Shiny ))),

Sorry folks...more thinks coming in...

I just realized, that i had stopped half way through...d**n...what's a good sign isn't it?

it is tough...and few drinks later..i am calmer...but this is still not the way i should go about it...d**n... i lied work place to get days off...what a f***k?

I need to get out of this state....i know what my minutes are counted posting here, because between 01:00 - 02:30 i lose network for some reason...so...i think soon i should go to sleep...see tomorrow, prob i won't even face this site after today...but hey...i was here...i put my thoughts down...i tried at the end of the day...Did this slip made me stronger?? I can't tell just yet...at the min it destroyed me...but once again i need to let shock pass away...not the first situation feeling this way..

I will be ok...good run tomorrow...get all the alcohol out of the system...and look at where i am again...i "bet" i will be better than today lol...

still no sign of my fluffy one...but i will cope....

Thank you all and GC for opportunity to put my miserable thoughts down today...and sorry....i must of ruin somebodies day...( including mine)...

Chin up fighters...i'm right behind you:)

Take care all

Sandra x

Thank you all and thank you GC.

I feel like i can rest now...what a day..

Bless your hearts xxx

((((((((((((((((((Sandra)))))))))))))) marching proudly right by your side. I know how you feel and like Rach said a few posts back I don't want to diminish the importance of this slip for you but, I also agree with Shiny and with every cell of my being that sitting too long in a guilt zone only makes the urges to self destruct that much stronger. I think you deserve a massive pat on the back and high five for catching yourself and putting a stop to it when you did. Hang in there pal and get yourself a much deserved rest. -joanxxxxx

Thank you Joan xx

Good morning diary,

Day 1...ha..( laugh through tears)...

Ok, Sandra, maybe enough of all of this, collect ur body and soul together and just move on. We can't change past, but we can make changes for the future.

s**t happens and this is not the end of the world. I know that it is possible to go a long way away from this addiction, collecting all the positives on the way.. and i need to show strength to others...this addiction can beat me black and blue but i will not give up..i am a fighter and the only way is forward..

So here is for another day...beat that dear gambling dragon!!!!

Special thanx for staying by my side last night...i was in pieces, and you all kind souls showed me the way to stay strong and compose myself. thank you GC team for talking and making the ends meet...most appreciated...

This is experience and i can only learn from my mistakes....I will get there...day at a time

Best wishes to all

I let you rest and gonna keep quiet today lol 🙂

Sandra x