oh my... no, no, no, Julie. Now I see how bad what I wrote sounded and it wasn't at all what I intended. Really, I was more thinking about what works for me than anything else. I guess bottom line is that we all need to do what works for ourselves.
Hey Sandra
I'm seeing your fighting spirit there and determination to keep going Hun...
It's weird as talking about spirituality in this country is a bit like talking about s*x was 50 years ago...kind of a taboo subject ...
In Lithuania your family seem to have been more comfortable with that and your spirit shines through,
A good list there also in your last post ...we spend so much time at work don't we? ..and being in a job that does not support our true selves can have a big impact as most of us I guess look to escape in some way or another...
I also need to set some goals or I have a tendency to drift in my own head and then when I look up another year has gone. I have internal goals but have sort of lost interest in basic stuff like socialising which I guess is part and parcel of being a functional depressive...
Can you believe it's only 5 weeks til Xmas...?
keep posting Hun...you did well to navigate those urges and came out on top today..Mondays can be a ballache at the best of times....
R and D xxxx
Thank you all.Cmon girls...no fighting on my tread lol...:-) Recovery is bespoke and we have to use any tool possible to keep helping ourselves.
And Rachel, very interesting insight on the spiritual thing. Got me all thinking yesterday..which is good..i like to work my brains now and again lol
Dear diary,
Didn't gamble yesterday..which is past anyway . Did something really silly instead. I say silly, because i faced one of my fears..nevermind...not sure what's happening with me these days..feel like putting myself in danger just to see what i learned about myself and how strong i am.( not gambling related) Feel so so today.Gonna drive somethere out of time and have some time in nature with my thoughts...booring ha ha...yep..i can be like that when my brains start working lol
Anyway...my thoughts today is about poor souls in Philippines. Complete disaster..and nothing i can help them with. Only donate and say a prayer for survivors and victims of it all...
No gambling.
Keep safe all
S x
Hello dear diary,
Going forward with my day, i had another ' invitation ' from the site i self excluded from 6 months ago. They write to say my 6months exclusion period gone and they are welcoming me back. I am not gonna lie, it was tempting.( i say was, because it's now deleted) and it's strange, but this particular site and games of it dragged me lower down 6 months ago.
No way i say i am healed, and i'm fully aware it takes split second to stay on a main road or take a diversion.
Just for today i chose this highway...middle lane of course...can't be on a fast side if Rach is about lol lol...
Yep..all is good, good run earlier on, good bonding with nature and good and relaxing drive home...All is good in my little world 😉
My holiday is really boring this time, but it's all couse i made crappy choices in the past, i can't afford to treat myself better....Anyways...everything is better than gambling...or having stressed head for 13 hours at work...
Chilax....and move forward...
Inspirational video i would like to share...
No gambling today...i better support some other souls on this site...
Day at a time
S x
Thanks yet again for your support. And nice to see a vid that reminds one that there's still good in the world!
Thank you x
Day 44.... never give up giving up..
S x
Dear diary
....13/11/13... stepped back from the battle field, stripped out of my protective armour and let the sword of the enemy to cut through me. ..
In other words, looked beast in the eye. Felt pain, anger, dissapointment, hater and devastation....didn't give in. ..it can beat me black and blue...i don't want to give in. I can stay down, i can cry, scream and shout..but will keep fighting back.
I keep looking for answers...people say i think too much, got racing head on..but loking for answers was brought to my attention since i started this recovery. It is part of the journey..walking on a hot ashes..and it's ok..it's bearable.
Sorry my dear friend Sof, i really don't want you to see me torturing myself, but everything has to surface to be sorted out bit by bit. Whatever doesn't kill you can only make u stronger..so they say... Thank you for a shoulder to cry on ...
And trying to understand what mess i'm in...or ' i think i'm in'..
.
Didn't gamble.
Didn't escape any other way.
Felt it all ..strong and painful power of reality.
I can deal with it..and i will..no way back
Day at a time
**** Ramble over ****
S x
P.s. please God i beg u for a peaceful and calm day tomorrow....
P.s.s. just a little something i would like to add after ' eventful' day with my thoughts.
The most common thing i keep repeating is " day at a time "...Today is the day which would matter the most...only now i actually listened to the words properly, and see that all the feelings comes from yesterday (which is past).... and never ending worries about tomorrow (which is not here yet)..So why to beat ourselves TODAY if nothing drastic actually happens?.. why to keep looking back to the past...where painful stuff lays? .... Today is the day we are battling through to get to tomorrow. And it don't have to be the bad one...not enough hours in it to dwell on mistakes...
d**n......just wasted all mine to crying.......oh well...live and learn...Sandra is rising from the dead lol
God bless
S x
(((Sandra)))... rough day, eh? You're a strong one and you will come out of this fine. Don't do it. You asked me what I felt during my last slip? Nothing, really. Nothing at all. Just money wasted again for not even a gain in entertainment. Don't give in. And thanks for the inspirational vid you posted to me. It was super. Here... just posted this on my thread but because of you. Reminded me of your shut up video.
Thank you girls,
Carla - you are a keeper LOL p*s sin myself laughing here...first thing to see this lovely morning is ur video LOL
Diary!!!
Yes better day to come.i have a feeling lol
First of all no tears left to shed, secondly the shoulder i had yesterday is at work( but i greatly greatly appreciated it).thirdly who gives a f***k about yesterday and the past?
Today is the day for myself and others around me. Just a little smile to share(with giggle of course) 😀
No no no gambling!!!
Take care all and share that spark you got in yourselves with someone you care...or if you like me...just with strangers in this world 🙂
Sandra x
Too true Sandra!
A brand new day embarks upon us, f**k yesterday and the past. Keep on smiling and thankyou for your upbeat infectious recovery.
Strength to you
Hi wee pal
Great going girlie! Enjoy this new day 🙂
Take care
Irene
x
Just poping in to wish ya a good Thursday, weekend in site and better days heading our way.
Thanx V, Soul and my wee pal 🙂
Pretty good day, kept myself busy and excercised alot. This advert keeps my determination for sports going :-))))
Happy today, no gambling thoyghts and very positive..Almost 'normal' ha ha...love it
Enjoy and move ya body lol
LOL yeah I could do with a bit of that exercise myself. Been a lump on my reclined for the last few years, well since my girl was taken prisoner of her fun any way. LOL Yup just kinda like that. Hell even gave her a American eagle necklace with some dog tags on it telling her she was a prisoner of her own fun. Lol
Hi Sandra
Good to see ur having a run of good days I hope it continues for u, respect to u with the exercise that's something I just can't motivate myself with, that's something I av always found trying to combat more than one problem at time whilst in recovery is just so bloomin hard. !
Keep doing what ur doin
Castle2
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