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Hey Sandra,

have a great week, not sure how many more days off, but looks like the weather is treating you kindly.

Keep up the great work

Phil

Thank you Phil,

Day 43. Not much to comment.....

No actually there are few things i would like to adress with my feelings today. Went to see counsellor, one of the toughiest sessions so far, made me to build up so much anger and hater. Felt like mad bulldog angry with the world. You know one of them feelings when you have million questions but no answers.

So decide to go for a 2 hour run today to load off. Didn't help me really, except making me feel like walking on a moon( when you don't feel your legs) so just jumped in a car and drove out of town a bit. Good job there are fields around here, cause found one, got out of the car and f****g screamed like hell. Let it all go..( and you know what, my counsellor was right, d**n it helps you to load off!)

Feel so much better, lost voice and have sore throat, but hopefully it will stop me from shouting at people when i'm back at work;-) lol

Anyway, i sure know - i wont gamble today!

Stay strong guys, bless you all and take care

Sandra x

Whatever works for you Sandra. We all have the same goal but many ways to get there. Congrats on 43 days. It's great having your head a bit clearer realising that a gamble free life Is so much better. We don't need all that added stress and worry.

Great to have you on board for the thread, looking forward to getting going and blasting through those 90 days.

Hi Sandra

Sounds like your counselling session was a stressful one, but like you say,it does you good to release the anger sometimes.

Well done on your achievements so far

Take Care Lisa 🙂

Thanx Dave and Lisa,

Day 44. Was really struggling today, kept myself ever so busy, house is spotless, dinner ready, plenty of fresh air running,read a lot diaries....but still had that little devil on my shoulder, whispering nonsence about "relaxing spin". But i'm glad i managed to shake off:-)

Pleased i'm back at work tommorow in a way, it's been tough day emotionally, but it's all good, i'm still heading forward. Holiday over, had great time(except today) and back to work tomorrow. ( hope i manage to stay on my feet all night, legs still killing from running) 🙂

Take care all lovely people and keep looking forward

Bless you all

Sandra xxx

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for the post the other day. It gave me a lift and I appreciated it very much. You are doing just great. Battle on. -joanxx

Thank you Joan,wish you to stay strong and keep battling.

Another day gamble free. Back to work tonight...Yuk...sipping coffee and endless f**s all night( saying that maybe we are busy and i wont have time for break lol) i think it's time to consider changing shifts.

Well, sound really optimistic here haha, lovely feeling after holiday:)

After all, keeps me busy and occupied so can't moan, gonna be back to posting at nights haha.

Day 45 - keep them coming! Take care lovely people, and keep moving on

Sandra x

Morning diary,

Well day 46. Feel "fantastic", knackered and ........nothing else to say. At leat no urges...

Still going, and still believing( of change)

Take care all

Sandra x

Hey Sandra,

sounds like work went ok last night. Hope all good otherwise and keep up the great work.

Phil

Well done sandra, keeping sipping the coffee and smoking the f**s!!!!!

keep up the good work

lisa 🙂

Thanx guys,

Little rant time for myself....

You are failure of the century, you 28, single, no husband, no kids, you hate your job, your situation and yourself! You lost your childhood and self respect...you know what - nobody held gun to your head to make your decisions and future plans. You turned to gambling- what a smart move you greedy selfish b***h. You lost more self respect, pride, confidence joy and hapiness.... you gambled your hopes and life away...

But you know what...you covered thousands of miles, yet you still think it's only tiny steps in your life, you tripped and you got up endless times..that's life and it can't be easy on a way...

Yet - you still standing and keep going...Right direction this time, even if you don't think that...Time will show..

So just GET A f****G GRIP WOMAN!

......Rant over....

Sorry if anyone find it unacceptable, just little reminder for myself to keep going..

S xx

Hope you are feeling a little better now!!!

The good news is Sandra, that all of that is in the past and you can make yourself a cracking future. You are still young, and have so much of a wonderful future to build, you can do it, I know you can!!

Tick off one thing at a time, 1st on the list is gambling, and you are well on the way with that, good things will follow I am sure, this time next year you'll be married with 2.4 kids and a dog!!

Most importantly you can be proud of what you are doing right here right now!

speak soon

Phil

Thank you Phil:-)

Day 47. Maybe was a little bit too hard on myself yesterday...It's all good, work ever so busy, have no time to feel sorry for myself anymore lol. Can't wait ...few more hours and i'm free for the weekend. Bring on lovely sunny weather. Today i will not gamble.

Take care all and stay strong

Step at the time and tk it easy:-)

Sandra x

Good morning diary,

Well looks like sun is shining bright today, no time wasted going to sleep, saying that, hav to go bk to work in a min, silly me, took company's mobile phone with me, - or another option just to swich it off for a weekend lol ( i don't think that would go down well haha)

Still finding it hard to cope, it's myself mainly, seems like i don't do myself any favours being sad and moody. Hopefully it will pass, and i will start enjoying everything around me, as long as i stay of the hook - i'm happy 😉

Nearly big 50 ! Loving it 🙂

Take care lovely people and enjoy sunshine and your weekends!

Sandra( smiling in a sun) xxx

Hey Sandra....sun here too and I may eventually eat out of bed today..lol

Thank you for popping in...I always read new posts but I tend to leave people to post to me first as with me being from the other side I worry that some days my posts may be too raw ...

It's good to see you using the diaries and getting your thoughts down and out ...especially the angry ones as if your anything like me ,holding resentments in just makes me beat myself up for longer..

Your doing great Sandra and will always have lots of support on here

R and D xx D is my Dog xx