Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

hiya Blondie

I hope you are getting something out of your meetings....

Your right about the dual nature of 12 step the programme...Im familiar with Al Anon and AA and have been around those rooms for years off and on so can relate to what your saying through those rooms.

The thing that always hit home was when they said "Its a thinking problem not a drinking problem"..with the booze down the thoughts still there alive and kicking...for drinkers ..resentment is the killer and harbouring grudges and by picking up the feelings are either depressed squashed down or ignited.

Im probably what you would class a dry drunk...meaning I act out all the feelings that booze surprises hence my often colourful "stinking thinking" posts.

Just for today ...thats all we need to do..

hour,minute or second at a time...its a daily reprieve.

Hugs and love

rach and doo xx

Hi Blondie

Glad to see you are still gamble free. I enjoy your posts and style of writing. Maybe you could be a professional writer one day.

I also struggle with lack of motivation & gambling always seemed like an easy option; when i couldn't be bothered to do anything else. Sometimes i find it helps to write down goals for the day to keep things moving.

keep up the good work 🙂

Hi Blondie, thank u 4 ur support on my diary. It means alot 🙂

U r doing brilliant Blondie, ur determination on this journey shines thru. U r an inspiration.

Hope ur meeting goes well 2nite 🙂

Stay strong and keep going xx

Hi Blondie,

Sorry I went of chat without saying bye, little one woke up again and I closed computer by mistake.

Hope things are going well and thank you for all your support I really appreciate it.

Best regards

Shaun

Hi ya

That last post you wrote me, about me becoming a writer really shocked me. Just cause no I have never considered it, and really never though my spelling grammar was good enough. Then you get someone write the same question to you. Spooky

I struggled with the 12 steps, every know and again one of the quotations will enter my head. As I realised I need to takes desp breath, take a step back And assess my behaviour in the serenity thingy.

But they maybe cause I am very self critical and probably do a lot of it anyway

As for the motivation thing I can thinkof4 people on this site are going through or have gone through this in the last week ,it will pass, and you will get your mo jo back.

So your next mission , will commence once you have had a good rest and ready to climb to the next ledge ( as me and Rach call it , there is room for a third. Well I hope so depends how much pasta that virtual sis of mine indulges in on her hols)

Dusty xxxx

Hi blondie

Good post there , defo relate to not being able to solve it all at the same time

One day at a time !

You are doing great and each posts proves your continuing heading in the right direction

Keep strong blondie , you really are doing this 🙂

Thank you so much for your kind words , they help every time

Lucy xxx

Hiya Blondie thanks for the lovely post on my diary, as you say just one day at a time, so gonna plod on. Never knew that about Walt Disney, interesting.

Hi Blondie, just dropping you a quick line to say I hope your last GA meeting went well. You seem really quite relaxed at the moment like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Its like you're on a huge personal journey which will lead to serenity and self contentment, you're definitely going in the right direction, doing everything right, patiently. You've done marvellous getting this far but this is just the beginning I feel, of even better things to come. Keep strong, keep unravelling, never worry, Steve

Hi Blondie, I hope u r feeling a bit better 2day , it was nice 2 catch up in chat 🙂

How was ur chinese meal? It beats cooking hey lol

Stay strong and keep going xx

Hi Blondie,

Thank you for sharing your experience with me and making me feel that I'm not alone in the way that I feel.

I've had some councelling and it was helpful.. I guess at the time, I didn't realise how guilty I felt because I had kept it locked up for so long. Admitting it to myself was as painful as it gets, but now I've admitted it to the world.. (well the cyber world anyway).. and I do feel better, if a little exposed.

But it's another step and I am determined never to down the gambling route again so need to come to terms with the demons that got me there in the first place...

Thanks again Blondie for your kind and sensitive post.

Lmm xxx

Day 46

I tried to update my diary 10 mins ago typed it all then lost my internet connection and lost the lot and now i cant remember what i said, hmm so does that mean it wasnt important lol.. Now theres a thought.... Anyways i think it went something like this.

I missed my G.A meeting last night fate decided i would sit on the motorway for nearly 2 hours wilst trying to get home from work, I suppose it could of been worse i could of been in the accident that was causing all the choas. I logged on to the on linie G.A meeting which i have for the past few weeks, the topic last night was honesty which got me thinking about how im changing my behaviour and being honest with myself for once and other people... Im definatly completly honest with myself warts an all but i havent really told anyone about my gambling addiction and i have no idea why ??? My boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for nearly 6 years so i know he understands addictions and follows the programme of recovery, hes turned himself and his life around, so i know/ hope he would understand...

Maybe i dont want to shatter the illusion of me, maybe i dont want him to see im not perfect ( i now know theres no such thing from my councelling) but i still seem to be holding on to that.... So maybe im not being that honest with myself ?

Hmm im a bit confused but im gona try and work out the million doller question Why ?????

Maybe im being to hard on myself and wanting it all yesterday... Or maybe im asking myself to many f******g questions lol.

Im not overly stressed about it yet, she says biteing her nails lol...

Anyways enough Whys for today, im off to do something much easier, off to solve the meaning of life lol

Blondie... Stop asking yourself so many questions.... over and out lol x

blondie.

"the meaning of life" a great film title LOL

You really are tuned into the gamble free channel,keep making the right choice every day and keep enjoying Recovery it helps.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Blondie, your posts always give the mind food for thought, contemplation and self analysis. IMy motto or philosophy on these mind puzzling questions is to just let things run their course, and it'll all come out in the wash.

Maybe its coz your smarter than me and you have the ability to delve further into what makes us tick, and question the bigger things in life, that makes you such a great support and adviser to so many of us on here. You'd make a brilliant counsellor in any field. 🙂

I hope I havent overstepped the mark with that, I worry about my words offending, Ive lost count of the posts Ive deleted coz I read it back and think "oh no, maybe that will be taken in the wrong context". Everything I write is honestly said with the best of intentions.

Im still laughing at my title of "wing commander", u always bring a smile to my face.

You're a very valued friend to many on here Blondie, have a great weekend, and I hope you find a piece of lifes jigsaw 🙂

Cameron

Hi Blondie, thanks for your post.

As to your thought provoking post, as they usually are, you got me thinking .

I think.... ( see I am thinking)......... The further away from the last gamble we get, the easier it is to probably tell a loved one, but....... when telling someone is the hardest thing to do ie when still gambling, it is probably the most helpful to our recovery. ( does that make sense? )

It is easier to say you have already done something about your problem than to cry out for help.

In saying all that... each to his/her own I guess. It was necessary for me to tell my children, which I did on day one..( they live with me ). A Few weeks later I told a friend and my sister, which was important to me because I needed to be honest. I hope there comes a time when I can be all out honest, to anyone who wishes to know..

( I'll stop at wearing a badge though !). It is such a hidden problem and I am sure there are lots more of "us" hiding away out there. There should be more openess about it... like all the other addictions.

Anyway... there's my thoughts on that.

The meaning of life, the universe and everything.... 42? If you have read those books.... then Agrajag... that's how I feel sometimes. If you haven't read them... ignore what I just said... it'll sound stupid.

May you continue with strength and honesty.

Jon

Hi,

thanks for dropping by my diary a few days ago. I've just finished yours...you've written a lot for the relatively short time you've been on here,so did it in 3 or 4 helpings...About that last point, about telling a partner, it really is the killer question. I think some people have a 'confessional urge', that is, they're unable to progress in their recovery without coming clean. But I often wonder who it helps when the secret is shared...Maybe a problem shared is a problem halved; on the other hand, sometimes it's better not to know - a problem shared is inflicting a problem on someone else, and no matter how close you are, and how much you would help the other person if the situation was reversed, there is something lost when you own up to it all.

I'm not taking sides, just voicing my thoughts...good luck whatever you decide