Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

HUGE CONGRATS ON 50 DAYS - WOOT WOOT!!!!!

You really have taken life by the short n curlies and deserve massive respect for how far you've come. So proud and pleased for you and know you will just continue to go from strength to strength. You are fantastic and I hope you've rewarded yourself in some way today.

Big hugs lovely. x

Well done on the big 5 0. Many congrats. Keep up the good work and thanks for the support you have shown on my diary.

All the best.

Day 51.

Thank you everyone for all your messages of support i think ive posted back to you all.

So my 4th councilling session yesterday i was brave and decided i would wear some mascara good job it was waterproof. I havent really had much time to reflect on yesterdays session as i came back in work straight after but I feel like im making some progress and i am not tormenting myself as much about death and life after death or if my dad was scared or in pain. I spent many nights up wondering how he felt, i wont ever know that but what i know is that he was surrounded by his family and people who loved him dearly in his final moments and thats good enough for me.

Im trying to remember him more how he lived... and not how he died.... My dad was a fantastic man, the funniest person you would ever meet, my mum called him her peter pan, he was my rock and was exremly proud of me and what i had achieved.

I sometimes question myself about my gambling and do i feel sad that he didnt see me turn that part of my life around, but then like most C.G's I was very good at hyding things and i dont think he had any idea i had such a problem, or maybe thats just me telling myself that.

Its farther's day on sunday, it will be the first time in my entire life that my dad hasnt been here and that makes me emotional and sad, so i think for the next few days i need to be aware of that as it was those times my gambling would be at its worst.

Its certainly all change for me in the next few months, My mum's house has sold today for the full asking price its only been on the market 4 weeks and she is moving in with me, so we are just going to make it up as we go along.. Shes lonely on her own and It makes me sad to see her like that.

Im feeling a bit nervous today i have no idea why maybe its the adrenaline from yesterday or work today so im keeping on my toes.

Blondie day 51... and slightly wobbly but still standing. x

HI Blondie,

Goodness me.... there are so many things in life that if we think about them too much, then no matter what they are, they will devour us. My Father died 12 years ago, and sometimes I think about things, like could I have done more etc but I know I can't dwell on those thoughts... so I wonder what he would want me to do now... To appreciate that I think what would I want for my children to do when I die... and it's a simple answer... do their best, and remember me with a smile not a heavy heart. That thought helps me just to think about what he gave me as a dad.

It sounds like you have another adventure ahead of you with your mum moving in.. I hope that goes well.

Stay strong, and I will raise a glass to toast my father on Sunday.. and I will think of you too, and hope that just happy memories can fill your heart.

Jon

I hope I haven't spoken out of turn with what I've said...

Hi Blondie, what a lovely post.

You are a quite remarkable lady, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

I woz gonna write a long reply but sometimes less is more 🙂

Proud to be a friend,

Cameron

Blondie i think its amazing what your doing 4 your mum i truely do im so proud of you thats all i have to say

Morning Blondie,

Wow girl you have alot going on , but our Blondie is still remaining strong!

A difficult few days coming up for you and my heart will be beating an extra beat to keep you strong 😉

I hope the changed for your Mum and you bring deserved rewards and i know your Dad will still be looking down saying ' my girl is amazing'

Very proud to know you on here Blondie and i just know you will continue even in difficult times cause you are soooo strong!

Take Care

keep Strong

Lucy xxxxx

day 52,

On track for my next target which is 90 days. Im feeling a bit flat at the moment and I havent really worked out why yet, i dont have any urges, and yet my brain plays tricks on me, "You dont get lots of urges like some people on here, so your not a CG' ,so go on One litle go wont hurt". I know that its my addiction trying to trick me and im not for one minuete going to gamble today.

It scares me sometimes and i suppose in a way that is good, In such a short space of time that i have been here i have seen so many people come with such determination to stop and then woosh they are gone, I need to keep in mind that i am one bet away from disaster again and thats just not an option im going to choose.

Today i choose life, ( i nicked that off ste's diary i think ), Today i choose to be free from my demons, Today i choose to grow in charater and strength, Today i choose not to gamble.

The positive i take from today is tomorrow is my second pay day and i havent lost one single penny to gambling... And im very proud of that

Onwards and upwards even if im dragging my feet abit today

Blondie day 52 x

Hey,

I'm with you on the whole feeling flat thing! Maybe it's the come down? The stopping gambling is quite euphoric and now our daily existence is more about life and not gambling! Mayb we are just recovering from that initial high? If we take a step back we can see we have made so many positive steps these past few weeks! I think feeling flat is slightly inevitable but we just need to remember what we have achieved thus far and reassure ourselves all our efforts are for the best!

I liked your post, I can relate in so many ways! It's funny isn't it I imagine we have very different lives and experiences yet the one thing we have in common can make us seem very alike and make our daily moods very similar! I can tell you are attending GA too you said one bet away from disaster and your next milestone is 90 days 🙂 I'm with you there that's my big milestone too!

The path you are on is the correct one and maybe flat sometimes isn't so bad we have dealt with may undulations recently, that flat bit to regather ourselves could be the rest we need to deal with our next run of undulations?

Just a thought!

Flagg

Hi Blondie

Nice of you to pass by, well done with your journey )not read all through, though), but what I have taken from your last post is the developing of character and strength comment, I think it is one thing to stop, another thing to develop the traits that will help deal with the urges and temptations that may still come. I think in the past I have been able to stop, but never really worked on the defensive side of things, understanding the truth behind why I did what I did, I think counselling deals with that side, all in all I think we are better equipped to deal with this illness, have a great day and be productive (he says, still lying in bed)

John

Hi Blondie, thanks for your post on mine 🙂

I agree with the "mood swings", but I just wonder if we feel it differently now that gambling is not the issue ? These up/down days were always there, but while we were gambling we couldn't feel them coz all our misery was caused by gambling, whereas now, we come up against them and we are like strangers with them, we're like "what the hell?". The huge difference now is, that we can cope with them so much better than before, and so long as we keep our resolve, we will always be the victors. Down days are "normal", gambling misery is "not".

Your doing so well with all you have going on right now, and I love it that your mums moving in with you.

Have a great day

Cameron

Hi Blondie

Thanks as ever for your support and encouragement.. it's people like you that have kept me on the right path throughout this journey!

I like the serenity prayer.. it is a great motivational tool. I was in my last job for 20 years so I'm not one for change lol! But since I have made the biggest change in my life to date, I may as well go the whole hog!!

Thanks again buddy and keep doing what you're doing.. because you're an inspiration to all!!

xxx

Hi Blondie, thanks for your post... and Kim says thank you as well... she told me she doesn't like "The Steg".. and she asked Rourkey Boy to go round to his... and even he was a little apprehensive.

I agree with what the others have said about feeling flat... there is definitely a come down after the euphoria of the initial successes. I guess instead of relying on gambling to give us those feelings... we now have to take responsibility ourselves to go out and grab life... but one day at a time... It's a slow process I feel... but we are trudging away to the top of the hill.. where we will be able to see everything clearly... not looking back but looking forward.

Well done on reaching your second pay day.. I just have to say that when I got my second, after having kept the first away from the blood suckers, IT FELT GREAT... better than the first... Now I am really looking forward to the third.

Keep Strong, Stay Focused (trudging) towards a happier future.

Jon

Hi Blondie, thank u 4 ur kind words and support on my diary. It means alot 🙂

U have been soooo brave on this journey Blondie, u r an inspiration and u r someone I look up 2. U give me alot of hope 🙂

Thanks again, 4 ur continued support and understanding xxxx

Hi Blondie,

I just wanted to say thank you for your kind words. It really does mean a lot to me that you took the time to reply to my post. Congratulations on going so long gambling free. Take care and thanks again.

Dave