Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

Day 135 and still counting..

Oh im full of the joys of spring and enjoying every min whilst it lasts.. lol

Today my eldest has been going through the mill lately with various things that i wont post about but she has had a bit of a melt down, I spoke to her last night and have been for the past few days about things, our relationship has always been strained for various reasons a lot of them from my guilt about things that happened when she was a baby her dad being a lunatic, me being a single parent and having post natal depression for a good few months after she was born, I always felt that i neglected her in some way for the first few years of her life, when i met my ex husband i always tried to compensate for that in ways i didnt even realise untill now, protecting her when she was in the wrong and letting her get her own way and be spoilt materially in lots of ways.... this in turn has made her the girl she is today.....

I never realised how incapable she is of handling things, life in general, now my eyes are open from not gambling and im not wallowing in my own misery i guess its crystal clear to me..... I still feel lots of guilt about that and her inability to cope.... But im working on it and have been over the last few months and i think im finally getting through to her.

Our relationship is improving daily and im really really happy about that, these small daily success's are making me stronger by the day, its like giving popeye his spinich.

Im not letting life bring me to my knees anymore, im stood tall and it feels good, I havent felt like this for a very long time. Why would i ever want to ruin that. ?

Blondie xxx

Yo

Wow your post was just what I needed.

You know and a few on here get it we need to push the boundaries if we don't then well what's the point .

Not on holiday till the 23 , sorted out with my daughter my blocks , do feeling a bit better now .

Do you think I might be lucky enough and the next series of Greys might be available for down load .

Now that would be a good week , being in isolation with Mc dreamy and McSteamy ........ Need to check that one out .

As for the Womble , starting to worry ...........

Shiny xxxxxx

ps we posted at the same time . You know Hun , looking at the problems I had with my youngest making herself home less at 14 , the drugs , the police .

I blamed my addiction , I blamed my work , I blamed the shop , but maybe just maybe it's just kids of today . ( spoken like a true pensioner which I ain't )

All we can ever do is our best , regrets I have a few but then again to few to mention lol

She will find her way , me and my youngest are best of pals now , she's back home , and she inspires me every day . Maybe it's just something they go through .....

But hay , like you said Miss Chillaxe it ain't getting you down , the only way for us is forward . Never back !

Hey Blondie,

Well done again. Relate loads to that post. My relationship with my daughter has come on leaps and bounds now that my vision is clearer. She actually noticed too! She is so wise for her age. She just started college today. So Proud.

One day at a time to 135 is some going. That is 135 one days. Mmmm, my maths brain needs a bit of stimulation. Where's that Sudoku???

Care,

A>N.

Yo

Lexie died OHG when ,this is not good , I might be 2 series behind 🙁

As for 50 shades really not my thing , they were talking bout it at my meal last week . No thanks , now murder , serial killers , terrorist , a book that you can not put down . Will they survive will who will come and save the day , funny at the finial moment the Steg ( he will always be the the Steg to me whatever ) appeared in his superman pyjamas . It's amazing what you can do with a fishing rod , ........

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxx

Stand tall Blondie ......you did good..an youre a good Mum as you delat with all that life threw at you...and still do!.lifes messy ...

You have a lot of pals on here who can see the work and effort and detrmination that you put into your life...you are a good soul and I am really so chuffed you have come back from hols even stronger...

Just for today .....Its all good and I hope you pat yourself regularly on the back...If not...sending some for free...../////// >>>(these are pats) xx

Keep posting and keep that spirit alive...

Hugs

R and D xx

ps..would have loved to see some more woody pics...lost all my dot ones at apple store but am busy taking more...any excuse to snap the lovebug. xx

Yo,

Just a quick dip , to say hi.

I have copied and pasted your list , added to my holiday shopping . Still 2 weeks to go yet . My lovely sister is coming to look after my dad. So it's all good .

Bit of good news though got sent my reservations details and the room is £20 a night cheaper than they quoted . Saving me £120 , result lol

Anyways not such a quick dip after all .

Hope you are having a good day 🙂

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Day 136

I think that equates to 20 weeks, wow !!

At the beginning I never thought for one moment I could do this ? But doing it I am.

For me once i got over the initial early urges quitting gambling was relatively easy. It’s the staying in recovery and making a permanent commitment to it that has been a challenge, But im always up for one of those.

I have found and still do that dealing with my emotions can be difficult at times, when i gambled it was like re-gressing back to childhood and for the time when i gambled I had no responsibility to anyone or anything.

All that has all changed, I take great pleasure from such simple things like paying bills on time, settling some debt, having money in my account when the next pay day comes around, making my money work for me, spending money on things i want or need as opposed to chasing my losses.

I take pride in myself now and I dont want to physicall or mentally abuse myself anymore , im working towards having a healthy mind and body, (project bikini is already underway lol ).

Im eating better, Im exercising, Im nearly 4 weeks into giving up smoking, im much calmer, patient, all the qualities that gambling took away from me are coming back.

Im still and always will be a work in progress, but its a million times better than it was when i gambled and I know each day it will continue in the right direction, For me its always good to reflect on the things i have achieved it stops me beating myself up that "im not quite enough"

The serenity prayer really is my mantra.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,

The courage to change the things i can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Another day in recovery jobs a gud un. !!

Blondie xxx

Yo,

20 weeks , well done Hun. Not just for the weeks but the whole bloody lot , the changes you have and continue to make which are allowing you to person you always should of been.

Think there project bikini should be under water , not under way .

Shiny xxxxxxx

hey hun

well done on the no smoking by the way.....good for you.. xxx

great post and great that you have carried your holiday feelgood over into homelife again and are coninuing your upward path.....20 weeks..yay!!

You are important and matter and have come such a long way in a short space of time.....pats on the back...more times please to Miss B xxx

R and D xx

Hey,

Really good to have you back. Not been quite the same without you. Thanks for the posts I have found myself fairly busy lately and being male I struggle with multi-thinking which leads to me not posting so much to others. Lame excuse actually but I will stick with it for now.

I see you have returned from holiday with even more zest for life. Amazing really. Just shows how good recovery is eh? Absolutely killing the smoking too you are one tough cookie. Keep this rate of success up and I will be looking out for you on the beaches during our indian summer.

Oh and well done for checking in whilst away 🙂

Flagg

Great last post blondie. As you said in your post to me it is truly amazing what stopping gambling can do to our life's. We can finally become everything we are capable of being and really start living life in a whole new way. Congrats on nearly 4 weeks without a smoke and 20 gamble free, your doing unbelievable well. Keep going and lead the way for others to follow including myself.

Hi Blondie,

Thanks for your message. I hope that all is well with yourself. I'll let you know when I have some news.

Take care

Dave X

Hello me lovely, just trying to catch up a bit. Your holiday sounds fab and well done you for quitting the smoking too!!

xx

Day 138.

I am going to stop counting at 150 which was my next target, counting doesnt seem important to me now every day that is bet free is an achievement irrespective of 1 day or 150 days, this illness is that hard to beat.

So i chaired the on line G.A meeting again last night its always such an honour to do it and like here I owe G.A so much. The 12 steps for me have played a massive part in my recovery.

So its friday and its been a long week ive missed my man more than normal this week after being together for 2 whole weeks but hes home tonight, which makes me very happy and we get to spend the weekend together .

Operation bikini is well under way but im not weighing myslef till monday, I dont really want to lose that much weight just about 7lbs so im taking it slow.

Gambling smambling lol... I look back at my life when i gambled and now and how it has changed. WHAT WAS I THINKING. !! I honestly think that each day I am re-programming my brain and gambling is becoming so far away from the person I am now.

I wont ever get complacent, I no all to well those feelings that gambling bring, they are bottled and in the cupboard, should I ever get complacent I will take the lid of that bottle and remind myself how if feels.

Anways enough of my ramblings, I wish you all a great weekend. Thank you for all the posts and comments.

In unity we stand together to keep the demons at bay.

Blondie xxx

Here's to you Blondie! ( raising my coffee cup ) 😀 You are a true inspiration girl. No gamblin, no smokin and now tackling the food! You go!! I am on the sidelines cheering for you hun!! -joanxx