Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

just a drive by to see your ok...

are you south this weekend with your chappy?

R and D xx

Hi Blondie, I see you have not posted on your diary lately.hope all is ok wae your recovery from this horrible illness we all had. Spk soon take care xx

G'mornin my friend,

WOW!! Powerful, post. Soooooo much raw truth in that. Thinking I'm gonna copy that down and stick it to my fridge. I unfortunately spend a lot of time there. "when you exist I live". Cunning, baffling, bas tard of a disease..I've got chills and a few tears Blondie. Sometimes medicine is bitter tasting but, soo healing. A huge pat on the back for 160 days clean!! Massive achievement. -joanxxxxx

hey Blondie..xx

I was at the same drinks and food event myself the other day as its only a few feet away from my new job !!: ) big queues but had a little bit of Thai food.

(may have to send you cryptic clues)...

Have a good day hun ..eat drink and be merry .

enjoy!

R and D xxx

Hi Blondie,

Firstly I just want to say thankyou....no-more words needed....u know what I mean!

Well our girlie...not gambling...not smoking.....and watching weight.........Bloody hell ........SUPERMODEL!

On the serious side all I can say is WOW!

I am also soooo pleased that b/f knows .......Me thinks this is the best thing that could of happened......we had a conversation a while back I recall....this will just make the pair of you stronger.......New hat maybe??????????

Hugs

Sue xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Not a chance will I gamble today . That will do me. X

yeeehhaaa...on that last post!!....

Hiya hun

Hope you had a goody at the museum...this is all new stuff that im going to have to explore Blondie...

My cryptic clues will be very cryptic but here is one.......

"initially...could be on the road to a sports link"....

mwwhahahahahaha .....

R and D xxx

Yo,

Just for today , that makes two of us ........

You take care Hun ,

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Blondie for you post on saturday, made me sure i wasnt gonna have a bet. As it turned out we weren in the bookies long enough to worry. An experience with the fruit machines - not my money but did play them. As i say in my diary if i was at the races and a friend asked me to choose a horse for him and i cheered it home. I still havent gambling yet ive taking part kind of. Im still claiming no gambling although i dont know if others will agree. But to me what counts is whats going to help me now and in the future and starting day 1 now certainly wouldnt help. Anyway sorry im rambling on here. Thanks again for the support.

Day im not sure but its past 160 now.

Had a nice weekend Museum of science and industry on saturday with my little princess and 2 of her friends after a sleep over on friday and a nice long walk yesterday with woody. No gambling, and even better no thoughts.

So i changed my diary title a few weeks ago now think it was when i hit 150 days as I thought that i had finished fighting the demons, My new diary title has quite a lot of meaning to me its a quote from my favourite film shawshank redemption and holds so many good and bad memories for me.

The night before my dad died i had gone round to my mum and dads house and was having a chat with my dad and trying to get him to go back to the doctors as he had a chest infection and looked in quite a bit of pain, Im hindsight I had been worried about him for a few weeks and I remember waking up a few nights at the same time every night in a panic about him.

Id said to my dad that night in conversation look dad its like the saying "get busy living, or get busy dying" it was also his favourite film, the following morning he was rushed into hospital and died that evening.

I have carried round so much guilt about that stupidly i thought my dad had took it literally and give up, I know now that isnt the case and I wasnt to blame in any way.

I miss my dad so much every day and the pain of losing him and him not being here will stay with me forever, My dad was a proud man a typical working class man, never complained, never moaned just got on with it for the past 10 years before he died he suffered horrendous pain with his feet (Athritis) all the bones in his toes had basically disintergrated to chalk yet he carried on, walked all the time yet must of been in such agony but you would never have known.

Thats when he started drinking more, brewing his own wine upstairs to mask the pain he felt im sure. My dad was an alcoholic probably for the last 5 years of his life and its taken me this long to admit that.

I felt that by admitting that I was being disrespecfull and not loyal and loving to the man I adored with all my heart, I felt that by admitting that i was saying he wasnt a good dad.

My dad was the best dad you could wish for and I know now that drinking was his choice. I felt quilty that I didnt say anything to him or try to stop him in some way but i also no that it wasnt my life and he wouldnt have listened anyway.

Today I release that guilt that little bit more and lift some more weight from my shoulders.

I Miss my dad and I love my dad he wasnt perfect but then who is.. Im done trying to reach perfection.

PROGRESSION NOT PERFECTION.

Blondie xxx

Hi Blondie,

When someone writes such a personal post I feel a little bit strange about commenting. No editorial darlin, just a nod, a shared tear, and a massive hug. -joanxxx

hi Blondie

Your post there is very from the heart and it must have taken a lot to write it....

I can identify with a lot of things there especially the "what ifs' and guilt but as Joan says, your post really stands alone as a testament to who you are and how far you have come and how you can put your own feelings aside,not discount them ,but see through your Dads eyes.

Hugs and wuffs

((((B)))))

R and D xx

"PROGRESSION NOT PERFECTION."

beautiful.

Thank you.

Great last post Blondie.. I can imagine that must have taken a lot for you to write all that down.. but yet some more demons exorcised for you and onwards you go!!

You have made some progress my friend and continue to be an inspiration to us all 🙂

Who needs perfection eh? 😉

Lmm xxx

Yo,

Just. A HUG........

Shiny xxxxxxxx