Givingup4good recovery diary

Payday... If feels like the longest day of my 11 so far. Had to come on here, have a read through what others are posting and take some support from their words. I wouldn't of made it through this day without gambling if it wasn't for this site.

Thank you all

Hope your winning the battle today too.

Payday... If feels like the longest day of my 11 so far. Had to come on here, have a read through what others are posting and take some support from their words. I wouldn't of made it through this day without gambling if it wasn't for this site.

Thank you all

Hope your winning the battle today too.

This has been the salvation for many of us...Kicks us when we need it most & bolsters our confidence all @ the same time! I like the accountability too & the ability to be completely honest & not be judged! I don't think any of your posts have been remotely ranty! I'm not so sure you miss the gambling although the addiction (Mr Gamble as I like to call 'him') would have you believe that! Probably only really miss the winning & once you start realising that every day in recovery is a win, it will get easier! Not only do your family & girlfriend deserve better but you do too & by coming here when you're struggling, you will find the strength to beat this - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT your words really do hit home and help me each day.

Day 12 - feel a lot better and starting to have a more positive long term vision that I really can do this after making it through yesterday.

Determined that when I look at my bank statement that there will not be one gambling related withdrawal for the month of April.

Its these tiny 'victories' that keep me focused but as I read on someone else's diary it's winning the every day battles that win the long term war.

GU4G

That no gambling bank statement is a really good thing. Is there anyone you could show that statement to? And then do the same each month? It may keep you in check as you don't want to return to them in the future with a gambling littered statement. I'm thinking of doing something similar myself. Keep going and well done.

There's literally no one I would show my bank statement too. No one knows the mess that I am in. I'm trying to keep my problems my problem. My family have known me to struggle with gambling but to their knowledge I have been 'being sensible' for a long time now, I couldn't bare telling them that I've been struggling.

My girlfriend knows to an extent that I 'gamble too much' and 'every day' but she'd have a heart attack if she knew about pay day loans and debt on credit cards.

This is my mess and something I need to stop for them and for myself. My girlfriends father is a compulsive gambler and that eventually ended in divorce. She has made it clear that if she thought I was a compulsive gambler that she wouldn't stay with me. That more than anything has been enough of a wake up call for me. She's right not to want to be with a compulsive gambler, we lie, we steal, we break promises, we create debt and self destruct. She deserves better than that. So I'm going to be better than that.

But I'm doing this primarily for me. Regardless of my relationships with others if I want my life to be more fulfilling, 'Chasing the big win' isn't going to be the answer.

I realise that now and the past 12 days have shown me I can do it. I'm shocked I've lasted this long. The days really do add up quickly if you keep busy.

I've been looking at gambling websites, checking odds, browsing the 'deals' they use to suck you in before they bleed you dry and I've stayed strong.

This forum and everyone's words have really encouraged me and supported me the past 12 days.

I'm an addict, but I'm also a winner. I might not win 'money' but I'll win every other aspect of my 'life'. Money obviously isn't important to me anyway. All I do when I win is gamble it back again. So I'm no longer chasing it. I want to win in my personal relationships, my own goals and ambitions. The money will come itself one day through hard work and nothing else.

GU4G

It will be a lot harder to stay strong and on the straight and narrow without telling someone. I can say that from experience of trying to quit on my own. I lasted for 4 months before I slipped back into it again.

the second time round I came clean to my other half and it's done me better this time. I actually changed banks and vowed that there would not be anymore gambling withdrawals on it and I'm pleased to have stuck to that!

you seen very focused though so just keep it going! I would personally recommend staying clear of looking at the online sites as there may just be a time the temptation of a deal is too much!

Well done on payday though, it's a HUGE step!

I'm following the same path as you. People know about my gambling 'past', but they believe it's behind me. I can't bare to tell them, and I won't tell them. Simple as that.

This is my mess, and if I can dig my way out without hurting others I will do so. If I fail, then I will open up to them and admit that I cannot do this on my own.

12 days is fantastic. I'm not just saying that, I'm on day 8, and I know that every day is a hardship. But let's be honest, how depressed would we be if we had slipped over the past week. Debts would accumulate, the same old feelings would haunt us. Stay focused and kick this demon aside and live your life.

Thanks fighter 1. Thanks mask. I'll consider letting those close to me know once I've got my debts into a manageable state where noones gonna freak out at me thinking I'm in way over my head.

Us gamblers look at money differently to others. I do anyway. I see gambling tokens, not money. The way I've been living 10k of debt seems like nothing.

Now I'm not wealthy or from any sort of privileged background. So in reality, 10k is a lotta money.

I've got my debts down to around 1k now. This is a pittance compared to the state it used to be. But to those around me they'd still freak. Any debt is bad. Once I can look my family in the face and say 'truth is I've been struggling, but I'm not in debt and I'm (insert days) gambling free.' Then it will be easier for them to support me without jumping down my throat and causing a huge upset.

Thats the big plan in my head anyway. I need to come clean like you say fighter1 so others can support me. But the timing right now isn't the best. There's a lot going on for those I love that is more important (in my eyes anyway) without adding to problems.

Mask keep going. 8 days seems like yesterday to me now. The days do add quickly I'm finding. Thank god. Try to stay 4 days behind me and I'll try my hardest to stay 4 days ahead. I'm trying to learn my gambling 'triggers'. Stress is definitely one. So is boredom. So I'm trying to keep busy but not let things get me stressed out.

We can do it

Hi GivingUp,

I can really appreciate and understand the situation that you are currently in. My family knew I had a big loss rougly 2 years ago, but they do not know anything about the financial mess I've dug myself into since then.

But you are so right to stay positive. 12 days is fantastic, especially considering it's been payday. Well done.

I appreciate how difficult it is to avoid looking at the odds and looking at the results. This is a personal struggle I've always held. But every day you rack up; these feelings will continue to deminish. Try and avoid looking at the odds sites, and instead, only view the post-match results of leagues/teams you have a genuine interest in. You can always preview sporting events by reading match previews (eg: bbc sport), not just by checking the odds. We have to break the habbit of seeing gambling as a method of entertainment. Afterall, reading an in-depth article on a sporting event should be more entertaining and more immersive than looking at 2 or 3 fractions alongside a couple of team names. We have re-adjust our minds to this.

Best wishes, and keep going!

Ryan.

Cheers Ryan good luck with your recovery.

Day 13 today... Still getting the usual urges that I've had every day. Haven't checked any websites or anything like that today tho. Keeping myself busy. Determined to make it through this weekend.

As a sports gambler I'd normally see the 'international football weekend' as a weekend to make money on 'Certs'.

Nothing is a cert is in gambling tho.

The only cert is if you don't gamble you can't lose.

Day 13. Boom!

Nice 🙂 Boom indeed!

You're doing great but don't forget, it's early days & the addiction doesn't know you're serious yet! It will get the message & ease off a bit but stay on your guard it's a sneaky **bleep** (I did that...As Sandra12 would say, giving Admin a break)!

I know what you mean about international week and the 'certs'

its amazing how when you stop gambling on it and start watching football again you remember how much you love the game and why!

i realised that I wasn't interested in the game, only how many corners, what time the next goal would go in or who would get booked! I am now back to how I used to be! It takes a little while but use that as your motivation! Think about going to the pub with mates to watch the game without being on your phone trying to put in play bets on throughout!

Your days are racking up and each day you're a winner!

Thanks guys, I'll try and stay on my toes and not let complacency creep in. Looking forward to checking into the 2015 challenge tomoro as 14 days gamble free.

Hope your well ODAAT and fighter1. Thanks for the continued words of encouragement. They're helping to keep me focused and I don't want to sign on here some day with news about a relapse. (That's not to say that it couldn't happen, I've read posts from guys who sound as focused as myself and slipped up, but I like feeling accountable to someone... Even if it's just someone I don't even know, it's helping guys, thanks)

#TeamworkMakesTheDreamwork

Day 14

For as long as I can remember I've never went this long without gambling.

I just keep reminding myself 14 days is nothing but a good start.

Going to try and update my diary every other day now for a few weeks to see how that goes. If I have any urges I feel I might act on I'll be back in immediately.

Thanks team

GU4G