Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda,

Thanks for thinking of me, your support means a lot. Hope you get your job and it all works out ok.

Congrats on your recovery.

Well Done

DT

Feeling a bit bummed cos havent heard about the job i interviewed for. May still hear, but looking less likely by the day...

Have been filling out an application today - wish someone would just give me a chance so i can get on with my life. However, im sure most of the 2 million other unemployed Brits would say the same. Just have to be patient.

Feeling positive still, but with a side order of frustration..

I feel happy about my counselling session tonight because he seemed to understand how I feel.

It is a huge relief when someone seems to understand, when you have been told that your feelings are strange, wrong, and silly in the past.

It helps me realise that the people who told me my feelings were silly, didnt really know what they were talking about. That my feelings are normal and appropriate.

Hi Freda,

Good to catch you in chat and thanks for your kind thoughts in my post, there is definitely some advice I'm trying to take on board.

Glad to here your counselling session went well, our thoughts and feelings are just that 'our' thoughts and feelings, no one has the right to say they are silly.

will try and read your diary more soon, but happy i bumped into you in chat tonight, and am gonna try and join in more often.

thanks again Freda.

green x

Hi Freda,

So pleased that your counselling went well yesterday. It amazes me how vulnerable we can be in such that something going well can really really cheer us up and something disappointing can affect us very badly indeed.

Need to get some moderation of mood going, ie.cope better with the ups and downs of daily life. Think it is not being able to do that that leads us into destructive behaviour, avoidance/escapism etc..

As for the mickey taking, I think you give as good as you get and you are funny doing it.

Really pleased you are realising there is nothing 'wrong' with you, we are all individuals and the good people in the world will treat us as such. As for the judgmental ones, I don't care about them any more, I used to, but not now.

Keep it up(patronising?)

DT

I got the job!!!! woo hoo!!!

Wont be in chat tonight cos off to my Buddhist meditation thingy-ma-jig. Am trying a different class this term, run by a real life monk. Shaved head and orange robes, the works.

Also went to wetherspoons for reggae chicken nacho's for my lunch. Quite frankly i cant see how this day can get much better 🙂

Perhaps reggae chicken for tea?... lol

Hi Freda,

Well done you! You deserve it and I hope it is the start of a great new chapter in your life.

Congratulations.

DT

Hi Freda,

Congratulations on the job!.. S.A 🙂

thanks for the congratulations guys.

Am nervous but is natural. Have a feeling it will be ok.

Had a lipoma whatever that is, removed from my leg today by local anaesthetic. Was fine, but challenged my anxiety control! Was waiting for hours, then nervous about how it would feel etc.

Dont have many panic attacks these days, but woulda been awful having one while being operated on cos you cant move.

Quite proud of how i coped. Would never have managed this morning 6 months ago, the anxiety would have been unbearable!

Loved the buddhist class last night. They are such lovely people - so loving and kind. I started to cry when they did their chanted prayers, was beautiful. And it was worth the pilgrimage on the train to meet a real bonafide monk 🙂

For today i will not gamble.

Freda,

Hope your induction goes ok.

DT

Have had a funny old day today...

Went to my tai chi class this morning, then couple of shops for bits and bobs, and home for a snack. Out for the bus to meet R, and onto the ferry for a river cruise.

Not a fancy la-di-da one, just a chug up and down the river for an hour.

I got really anxious, started thinking 'what if i need to get off?' 'what if i have a panic attack?' 'I dont have a drink, what if i need to take my valium?' Managed not to have a panic attack, but felt very uneasy and vulnerable.

When we got off the ferry, we went in search of some food and i started getting really agitated. Queues everywhere, gormless teenagers behind the counters faffing about, people jostling into me. I just got really angry and irritable.

Was a horrible feeling. Now and again, I just get this wave that sweeps over me mentally, and i feel really afraid like a cornered animal. I start getting the urge to scream out loud. It hasnt happened yet! but it makes me feel very anxious when im out in public. Like i might lose control of myself.

Continued to feel anxious and vulnerable all night, til i fell asleep at 9.30pm - then woke up with a start at 2.30am. hence the ridiculous time im posting at.

I feel this is a warning sign - used to happen every day and night. My brains way of saying 'you are doing great, but you've given me a bit too much to digest. Can we have a break for a few days?'

I do hope thats all it is.

Hi Freda,

I relate to your thoughts. Crowds, noise and feeling powerless and out of control. It reminds me of being on a plane... a tube with wings. Totally at the mercy of the person flying it. And if it decides to break up mid-flight, there aint nothing i can do about it. lol

I hope you feel more settlled now. Time alone to chill I find helps. Take care.. S.A 🙂

Hi Freda

Sorry you had a an anxious day, I do know what you mean I always call it a sort of sensory overload.

Imagine it might be in response to some changes about to happen for you, think sometimes we forget good stuff can be stressful as well as bad, you wil be going a bit further out of your comfirt zone with gettign a job.

The secret is to realise as YOU look around thinking everone elsa is OK, remeber they probably feel just like YOU do and cover it up..........its something we all do in life 🙂

Wishing you a peacefull weekend.

Take care

W xxx

Hi Freda,

Sorry u had a really anxious day, but can really empathise with your situation.

Keep at it you are doing so well.

Take Care,

DT

Day 60 (stopped counting but just worked it out for curiositys sake)

Feel much better today, largely down to doing nowt!

Went back to bed at 6am and slept for a few hours. Lazy morning in bed with coffee and silly game off my mobile that i seem able to amuse myself with for hours! then a mooch round the charity shops. Lovely 🙂

Have a nice new black dress for £2.99 (never worn can tell cos smells like chemicals still) - thank you arthritis research shop - and a cookery book for R for 50p from Marie curie.

So ive done nowt and still managed to give £3.49 to charity - win!

Am putting off doing something sensible like housework...lol.

For today i will not gamble.