Going to keep this thread now!

Freda,

What are you doing on here on a saturday night? Wild night in eh? Did speak to k and she did reassure me. Am big P***e at the moment, don't know why.

2 things, have u ever been diagnosed as bipolar and is your OH's name Richard?

Obviously you don't have to answer either, but am nosey.

DT

Morning Freda,

Hope u r ok today. I asked about your OH through pure curiosity, me and k have the same names, not remarkable, but slightly coincidental I think.

Never been diagnosed bipolar, but the symptoms are all there, guess they apply to a lot of people though.

Thanks for your support and good humour though my moaning days.

Cheerio,

DT.

I can relate to the bi-polar madness. When I was gambling I was very moody. It seems to be calming doen a bit now but it is still there. I have to watch out for it and recognise it then deal with it by being vigilant.

Take care

Steve E

Hi Freda

Just been reading your diary back to where I last posted on here.

You have been going through the mills a bit, haven't you girl. And you still find time to post on diaries and reassure others.

You are a good person and don't you ever forget that. I had almost 20 years of being told I am no good and then almost 6 years of being told I am a good person, I am worth loving by my angel.

And I am slowly beginning to believe him.

So please believe me and all the other gamcarians, you are a good person and deserve the love that is coming your way.

God Bless

Charly xx

thanks for advise about my slip up ! l have gone one day today sunday without a bet which i am happy , the thing about my slip up is that you go in bookies to win if you do win you give it back we just what more ,more, money tan you lose all of it and more, l am going to be strong whats gone has gone! cut your loses how many days are u bet free thanks

Hello freda (K)

Hope your ok! thanks for the post on my diary, life ay, such a puzzle. My posts brief as usual, thats me lol!

Take care i'll be thinking of you, catch you in chat soon i hope.

ands xx

Ive just had a nasty e-mail from my brother saying that my anxiety is making my Dad look 'pale and drawn' and that he wants nothing to do with me.

How could I possibly have a healthy sense of self-esteem with him in my life, telling me im making people ill because I dare to have the inconsideration to have a nervous breakdown.

Im such a b**** for having a nervous breakdown, how 'selfish' of me!!!!!!

He really is a nasty piece of work. I cant have him in my life.

Freda,

Feel so sorry for you that your brother keeps making you feel like s*it. Somebody impartial looking in would say cut off all contact with this person family or not as he seems to get pleasure from upsetting you.

If only it was as easy as that, I know I should not speak to my family any more as each time I have any contact whatsoever with them they put me down and make me feel like s**t. I feel depressed every time I speak to them. However, I still contact them and want them to approve of me - how nuts is that?

I think it is like somebody in an abusive relationship, eg. a woman who is being beaten by her husband. After years of abuse the woman would stay with the abuser because she loves him. Just after he has knocked her about he will say,"I only did it because I love you so much". They become brainwashed by a bully, they are so manipulative it is scary.

Does this make any sense at all?

Give me his phone no. and I'll tell him to f**k off on your behalf.

Feeling your pain.

DT

Hi Freda

Just read your last post and want to send you a big (((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))

God Bless

Charly

Still hurting a lot. Hard to trust your feelings when so upset.

Angry with myself that I let that condescending prat get to me. Have been questioning my motives and behaviour all day. Self esteem so low that wondering if hes right and I am a nasty selfish self-obsessed person. Oh and petty. Im petty as well.

Was in chat thinking no one talking to me much today (co-incidence) but wondering if its because no one likes me, maybe i am immature and petty to even think that. I just end up questioning all my behaviour when he does this. I know deep down hes wrong, but little voice saying 'maybe hes right'.

He is so abusive. Dont know why, but he manages to make me feel like poo every time. Why cant I just ignore him.

Im over it. f**k him. Life is for living, not wasting anymore energies on unpleasant, judgemental people.

Cant believe starting thinking paranoid thoughts because he told me im cr**.

Im great. Im even greater when i surround myself with kind compassionate people.

Hi Freda,

I went into chat specifically to check you were ok. You were/are and I'm really happy about that. Time is going to make you a very strong young lady.....remember we choose our friends but we have no choice about our families. We can, however, choose to distance ourselves from those that don't bring us happiness.

Love to f from Jas xx

Thanks Jas,

Yeah gotta choose my company wisely just now.

im in safe hands on here.

Thought i would update on the many other things that are going on for me just now.

I havent had a counselling session for 3 weeks now. The counsellor has missed 2 in a row due to illness. Not yet sure if she will be missing another this week.

Cant be helped, shes human. Frustrating for me though, as im going through the mill at the moment!

Also found out today that Im due to be called for a medical in December to review my incapacity benefit claim. Was hoping they'd leave me alone a bit longer to recover after the last one. They will almost certainly stop my benefit - they are failing peoples medicals who are having chemo for cancer for goodness sake!

Another way in which the government have chosen to victimise the vulnerable in our society. Dont know why it surprises me at all.

So there is a new threat looming... I want to work, but need the time to recover my self confidence and find a job that wont make me have another breakdown.

At least my anxiety is continuing to get better. Im not sure im ready to cope with a job yet, but the benefit system doesnt care. I just have to try my best.

Freda,

Thanks for your support. You always make me laugh. Don't worry about the benefit, just keep yourself clear of gambling and good things will happen to you.

DT