Ground zero

Day 76: no gambling today.

Hi P

Sounds like someone in your office is getting under your skin. Resentments are dangerous so be careful. I would say try to be happy for this person but it isn't happy. Hopefully one day you will be making such phonecalls. Take care

which lang are you learning?

I study Swedish on Tuesday evenings. I do not think I have a natural gift for languages but I am trying my best to learn.

Another foul day: disgusting weather again and I am still in a bad mood. Have the in-laws staying at home for a week, which is irritating as there is not really enough space and I would prefer peace and quiet when I am at home. I am also annoyed and bored of work at the moment so am not enjoying being in the office either. Furthermore, I am getting rather tired of one of the diaries on here, which is always near the top of the list everytime I look. Some people seem to appreciate it, but I think I will just ignore it from now on as I do not feel that it helps my recovery. I cannot afford lunch today and did not have time to bring anything other than an orange from home so that will have to do. I will have to make do with endless cups of tea with added sugar, which is not how I like my tea but it should give me some added energy. I am in the perfect mood for a gambling binge to escape reality. Fortunately, however, my bank account is empty, my credit card is unusable and my credit rating is awful. What a mess.

Hi Pellekanin

This is exactly where this addiction wants you. Isolated and wanting to gamble. Get through today and tomorrow brings something new. We all struggle in different ways but it makes the good days seem better. Hang in there P you'll get there! Take care

I am planning to attend a GA meeting in London in the near future. Just need to find a convenient day, time and venue.

Give it a go P. I went to AA years ago but unfortunately it wasn't for me. Never tried GA but never say never. I am literally day to day with this so who knows. Keep posting and take care

Day 77: no gambling today.

Well done. Keep posting!

My wife and her mother are shouting at each other in the kitchen about a cake recipe that has good wrong. Sometimes I just want to run away and live alone. Women can get emotional about the most ridiculous things. I hope the weather improves tomorrow so that I can cycle to and from work as I cannot afford to take the tube. I will be paid on Saturday and some financial pressure will be relieved. Fortunately, I shall be working all day so there will be no time to gamble - not that I want to, but Saturdays are always danger days owing to the quantity of sport and the time available in which to gamble.

had no idea editing was pumping up the dairies..sorry .

This recovery business is about what is going on for us as individuals. If we are having a bad day then we need to say so. No one posts on here to deliberately upset someone else, we just post as we feel. If we get caught up in arguments etc we can hold resentments and this leads to deviant behaviour. Try to accept that people have different views to each other and that is what makes recovery so exciting. People used to annoy me in recovery for bouncing in and out, but that is their pathway they choose to tread. By posting their woes they help me. It is a selfish program in a way but it works for me.

Take care and let's move forward together. P I do hope the cake got salvaged!!

The cake was a disaster. New cake(s) will be attempted today. I cycled to work this morning although face the prospect of cycling home in the cold, dark and rain later - lovely.

Day 78: no gambling today.