It's time to sort my life out, once and for all.
I've been here far too many times to care to remember and I'm sick of it.
The two most important things in my life are my health and my happiness and I'm seriously neglecting both. Gambling doesn't/shouldn't even feature in my top 1000. So why do it?
First and foremost, I plan to ring my GP at some point today to make an appointment because I feel depressed (not down to gambling losses) and anxious. I'm convinced this is what is making me gamble because when I'm feeling relaxed and in others company, gambling is not something I think about. Then I'll take it from there.
My weight and my drinking is something I want to tackle too, but because of my depression, albeit possibly mild, they're also issues I have been neglecting because I've not felt in the mood to go the gym/run etc.
This morning I've woken up feeling disgusted at myself, but with a plan. Others close to me will be told about my gambling and depressed feelings and I am seeking out GA meetings nearby to attend in the near future. Something I've never tried before.
There's no excuses on my part for my latest relapse. I take full responsibility, but I aim to put things right.
I don't even want any arms around the shoulder responses because I don't feel I deserve that. Not yet anyway. I've been a fool for far too long now and whilst I'm still not in debt and have my own house/car/job, I need to make sure I keep it that way and build my future.
I'm 30 years old so I still have a chance of a decent future. It's down to me now. Started reading Allen Carr's Quit Gambling book last night. I've read it once before but it does no harm to remind ourselves why we shouldn't be gambling.
Other actions will be taken in due course, once I've worked out what is best for me. Needless to say I've closed my one online account down. The shops aren't an issue or temptation as I never like going into them anyway. But any signs of that changing and I'll be self excluding. I'm also thinking about handing finances over to my girlfriend, although we don't see much of each these days. Maybe that's why I'm feeling depressed. That's a long story btw. Maybe for another day.
Anyway, better get ready for work. Need a big effort today. It's going to be tough but it's me that has made it that way. I'll use this as a reminder of what it feels like to gamble and how awful it makes you feel. Onwards and upwards. Day 1 here we go....
Moorey
Morning Moorey,
Lots of positive in there mate as long as you follow through and put them in place. Don't understand why you will wait for the bookies to become a problem before Self excluding. No point leaving that door ajar eventually you will open it, there's no excuse it's free to do and you can do it in one 20 mins phone call (0800 294 2060)
I wish you well buddy lets make this th last day one.
KTF
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