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Belated Congratulations on your 400 days!!!
I hope you don't mind me saying but you're living proof that no matter low life can take you, there's always hope for a better future. Sounds like wonderful times are ahead of you, enjoy your trip x

DAY 406

Thanks LML. There really is hope for a better future and if we can beat this addicition it is more than hope it is a certainty.

I found myself on my lunch break looking for ideas for Xmas presents and not stressing about the finances or have the worry of any secrets being found out. All the monkey's are off my back and I am fully embracing this Xmas and my future.

Matt

That's good to read, and youve been through the mill a good few times, and enjoying Xmas as it should be is very positive.

Day 410,

So today marks the 1 year anniversary of my break up, and to think how far I have come since then....

Day 46. Worst day of my life. My relationship ended yesterday as my web of lies and deceipt came to the forefront.

I have officially lost everything. Nothing left to lose now. This dark demon has destroyed me and my family. Rock bottom is finally here, a long time coming.

I am on my knees, wondering how I will ever get back up again.

THIS IS A MESSAGE TO ANYONE WHO WILL READ THIS.

DO NOT GAMBLE, EVENTUALLY IT WILL TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING.

It first appeared that it took everything away from me and in a way it did. It took all the bad things away in my life, there was some collateral damage obviously but that day marked the true beginning of the rest of my life. A fully autonomous gamble free man with so much potential that he is determined to fulfill.

Have a good weekend all.

Matt

You’ve come so far matt ! You’ve turned your life for the better , best decision was to leave gambling behind but to learn from the past . Keep up the good work buddy .

Sars

Love reading how your life has changed for the better. So uplifting. Thanks for posting. I'm sure your diary must help so many newcomers on here who are struggling and feeling low x

day 413

Eventful weekend. Saturday morning I got some major urges to gamble, an accumulator on the football, had the old nagging come on that will win just go for it. I rejected the urges and again abstained. Proof that it will live with us forever no matter how strong we are. We have to say no. The bet I would have done would have lost so cemented that in my mind I have done doubly well. I am not sure why I had the urge but what I do know is I fought against it and I am proud of that.

Saturday I went to watch my team play and had a few beers, then in the evening chilled out and got a take away.

Sunday morning was a weird one. My parents were coming down for lunch so I walked to the shop to get my Mum some flowers. I had to walk as I had left my car at the train station the day before as had some beers. I crossed the main road and at the junction in a car was my ex and her daughter. Her daughter in the passenger seat was waving at me but my ex pushed her back in her seat and obviously told her not to. I didn't wave back, I pretended I didn't see. I think I made the right decision in that moment but who knows.It is the first time I had seen her daughter since April so was pretty unexpected.

Today I am crazy busy. Life has improved for me hugely but I guess I have had a couple of slaps in the face this weekend to keep strong, motivated and most importantly gamble free.

Matt

A belated congrats on your 400 days gf. A lot has happened for you during this time and it's plain to see that your career and family life are greatly enhanced.

Memories, both good and bad can stop us in our tracks, and make us laugh or cry, with pride or pain. Unfortunately thoughts of your break-up a year ago with the heartbreak, despair and financial ruin, maybe triggered the gambling urges. But I salute you Matt for making the right decisions.

DAY 415

Thanks changemylife. Possibly so but I refused to give in and I am taking a lot from that.

The Ashes is upon us, ah the Ashes. The most ammount of money I have ever lost was all blown on the Ashes. I think I have lost upwards of £50k on that little urn. I will not be betting on it for the first time in my life. Everything is in place for an amazing December and hopefully a great Xmas.

Stay stong all.

Matt

How are you doing Matt? Hope life is treating you well X

DAY 422

Hey LML.

I am good, very busy. Was in Belgium working this weekend and now planning my trip on Friday to Norway whale watching, dog sledding and seeing the Northern Lights hopefully! Life is a world different to this time last year. Cannot wait for Xmas to arrive. No tears, just smiles and good times and no gambling!

Hope you are doing well.

Matt

Amazing stuff matt ! You’re recovery has been an inspiration to mine ! Keep up the good work 🙂

Sars

DAY 423

Thanks Sars, I am glad to see you doing so well.

Tomorrow I head to Norway for my little bucket list adventure. Whale watching, Dog Sledding and to hopefully see the Northern Lights. This time last year I was utterly broken, miserable and in floods of tears everyday feeling pain that had been bottled up for 15 years or more. Today I am happy, excited for Xmas and free of all my troubles and living a gamble free fully autonomous life. This year has gone so so quick. I have come through so much in a short space of time and feel so much stronger for it.

I have had some wobbles but the UPS fully outweigh the DOWNS. I really hope I can help those struggling to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Just read pages 2-6 of my diary and you can all see where I was and where I am now.

Stay strong all.

Matt

Hi Matt thanks for posting and heres to you having an amazing trip, you deserve it!! Your diary is inspirational and shows that evrn if you feel there is no hope, there is. Safe journey and look forward to hearing all about it, take care Sx

Matt, wishing you a fabulous well earned trip.
Your family and friends must feel so proud of you when they see how you have turned your life around. You must feel proud of yourself too!
Enjoy!! X