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Its amazing what a difference 423 days can make.

Hope you have a wonderful trip, will look forward to reading about it because I would love to see the northern lights one day!!!

Wishing you strength and determination to stay resolute on your gamble free journey 🙂

Day 432

What a week. Went to Norway with 2 friends. Whale watching on the first day was incredible. Saw Killer whales and Humpbacks. I’ve always loved the sea since a kid and to see them so close in the wild was breathtaking.

Next morning we went dog sledding which was both amazing fun and absolutely hilarious. My friend at one point fell off the back of the sled, leaving me with six hungry to run huskeys and no way of me stopping them!! Was terrifying, in the end I had to jump abandon ship and off into the snow! Fortunately the instructors managed to stop the dogs about half a mile after, no damage done other than to our egos.

We managed to catch a few glimpses of the Nothern lights but unfortunately due to all the snow and clouds around it wasn’t as clear as we had hoped but all in all a truly unforgettable trip.

Wednesday evening, back in the UK I went to the O2 to see one of my old school favourites Jamarioquai. He put on a real good show and I loved it. I’ve had an incredible week that I have fully enjoyed to the maximum.

Life is to be lived people, not gambled away and lost to this disease and the demons in creates. If your sitting there shattered after your last brutal binge, or you are looking at the mountain of debt you have created or you’ve lost loved ones please keep the faith and know that without that next bet life can truly be lived again and giving up will lead to so many better things.

Take care all.

Matt

So lovely to hear you've had the time of your life Matt! The last paragraph of your post, as you say, is a reference point for anyone at whatever stage they're at. Take care S:)

Matt 24 wrote:

Great last paragraph Matt, one i need to read when i am having a bad day, you are a great examble of what can be acieved and how life can get better .... all the best

Day 432

What a week. Went to Norway with 2 friends. Whale watching on the first day was incredible. Saw Killer whales and Humpbacks. I’ve always loved the sea since a kid and to see them so close in the wild was breathtaking.

Next morning we went dog sledding which was both amazing fun and absolutely hilarious. My friend at one point fell off the back of the sled, leaving me with six hungry to run huskeys and no way of me stopping them!! Was terrifying, in the end I had to jump abandon ship and off into the snow! Fortunately the instructors managed to stop the dogs about half a mile after, no damage done other than to our egos.

We managed to catch a few glimpses of the Nothern lights but unfortunately due to all the snow and clouds around it wasn’t as clear as we had hoped but all in all a truly unforgettable trip.

Wednesday evening, back in the UK I went to the O2 to see one of my old school favourites Jamarioquai. He put on a real good show and I loved it. I’ve had an incredible week that I have fully enjoyed to the maximum.

Life is to be lived people, not gambled away and lost to this disease and the demons in creates. If your sitting there shattered after your last brutal binge, or you are looking at the mountain of debt you have created or you’ve lost loved ones please keep the faith and know that without that next bet life can truly be lived again and giving up will lead to so many better things.

Take care all.

Matt

DAY 434

Back at work after my little adventure. Good to get back into the routine.

Thanks as ever for your comments, I do hope my journey this past year really can help inspire people to see some light at the end of the tunnel and to keep on that gamble free path.

Take care

Matt

Matt 24 wrote:

Day 70 begins, no urges at all to gamble or self destruct. Truly feel this is finally my time to leave this all behind me.

Long road ahead and under no illusion it will be hard but this all feels so different now. Am I back? Do I now truly have a shot at life in the proper context?

I never plan to even buy a lottery ticket, a life free of risk but one of total fulfilment in a different way.

Stay strong everyone we can do this.

So this time last year I wrote this. It appears I did have the foresight and I do feel I am really back as the person I always wanted to be and starting to live a life I will look back on that I will be proud of.

2 weeks until Christmas day, that day last year was the most painful of my entire life, emotionally distraught and haunted by my loss and feeling dreadfully alone. Bought a Christmas tree today, can’t wait to decorate it and give my house that Christmas feel. Plan to listen to Xmas songs and wrap my presents and embrace everything that Xmas should be. I will never forget how sad I Was Christmas day 2016 but it will fuel me for the rest of time and hopefully have many many more happy Xmas’s.

Stay strong all

Matt

DAY 438

A good day. I have been paid a good Xmas bonus and for the first time since I can remember it isn't going to be gambled away and means Christmas is affordable and I have a little buffer of money for emergencies. I had a horrible start to the year but once I started to rebuild my life again I worked tirelessly and the rewards keep coming. It has been a long, painful, horrible slog to get to this point but I have made it and now the momentum really is on my side now.

Stay strong all.

Matt

Hi Matt 'to hell and back' doesn't begin to describe what you have been through, so enjoy every minute of the Festive season. You have slowly but surely rebuilt yourself showing that anything is possible, have a great weekend S:)

DAY 442

Eventful weekend, was my works Xmas patrty on Friday, on the way I started to feel unwell and had to pull over and was sick as a dog. I carried onto the event but lasted about an hour before retreating home to my bed! Had the Noro Virus which was nasty. Wiped me out all day Saturday but Sunday back feeling myself thankfully.

So here we are less than a week now until Xmas. No betting, no urges and really looking forward to Christmas and a "staycation". My house is looking really nice and festive and I am in a hugely better place than I ever have been.

Stay strong all.

Matt

Hi Matt,

"I'm in a better place than I have ever been".

Your words have hit home to myself and as we are approaching Xmas I feel the same way.

You are doing amazing and I'm glad you enjoyed your trip to Norway. It's a beautiful country and I'm lucky to live here.

Wishing you a Happy Xmas 🙂

Stay strong.

Breakfree

Hi Breakfree.

I am really glad to hear from you and how well you are doing. Norway was absolutely beautiful and you are indeed very lucky to live there (bar the beer price lol).

Thanks for your support and I look forward to seeing you achieve more and more milestones gamble free.

Take care.

Day 444

Has a nice ring to it that number 🙂

Last day of work tomorrow, then off until the New Year. Cannot wait for Xmas, more organised than I have ever been and really plan to enjoy the festivities. My head is clearer than ever and I am free of any sadness and secrets I had held onto before. I can remember many Xmas Eve's getting blindly drunk and feeling terrible Xmas day. Think Christmas has always been the time I have leaked pain and punished myself as I felt so worthless on many occasions. This year will be so different (especially compared to last year where I walked the streets absolutely devastated and in bits).

Keep going everyone, I wish you all the very best.

Matt

Congratulations Matt on 444 Days gamble free. A massive achievement which sends out a strong message.

With courage and determination the urges to gamble can be overcome.

DAY 445

A full year ago I wrote "The current tragedy was inevitable in my life. The next inevitibility now is if I change my life I will live the next ammount of time being a man happy, content and hopefully surrounded by love"

How right I was. I couldn't be happier or more content with who I am. I looked directly into my demons eyes and my inner strength shone through to overcome them.

This may sound dramatic to anyone who wasn't here reading my diary but last year my heart and soul got put to the sword. I survived, recovered and quit gambling. My darkest most demonic friend finally left my life and no longer haunts me. I have no secrets, I have amazing friends and support that surrounds me and I have a purpose in life. This Xmas will be my best ever and I truly feel blessed with the gift that life is.

I really hope everyone on here can get to the point where I am today and the beast that lives within us all leaves you alone too.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to live with being a CG but we are human, we are worthy and we can win if we quit.

Take care all.

Matt

Hi Matt the honesty in your posts is so refreshing and I'm sure will help many, including myself. You are the proof that anything is possible. I hope you have a lovely festive break, you sure deserve it!! Time is quite confusing, sometimes an hour GF is hard work at the beginning but once you're in the swing if it and feel the benefits life is a million times better. Thanks for being a pillar that helps to hold up this forum S:)