Here again!!!!!

Hey Lisa,

Oh no, i'm sorry to hear you are in so much pain. I don't like doctors too, don't visit them often because always the same answer -painkillers.

I hope you will feel better for your competitions and hopefully nothing too serious.

Thank you for your continued support and well done for keeping strong and not smoking and not gambling. As i say - everything is possible if we want it! Day at a time

Take care and look after yourself

Sandra x

Hey Lisa

sorry to hear you hurt your foot 🙁 but well done on staying gamble free. You can do it

hope you enjoy the sunshine with your lovely doggies

Stux

Thanks Sandra and Stu

Still in agony with my foot, had to cancel my agility comp tomorrow as need to rest it as i have 4 days of comp next week in melton mowbray, taking the caravan so should be good even if i dont get to run much.

Had a busy few days at work so not had chance to catch up on folks so will make some time today.

No Gambling and no smoking, going to tame the drink tonight as sometimes it all gets too serious on friday night and i just want to have a fun night with my hubby and no deep and meaningful discussions as i like to call them!!!!!

Hope everyone doing ok and enjoying this lovely weather

Take care Lisa 🙂

Hi Lisa, just been reading through your diary. Sorry to hear about your foot, I am sure it is painful. Have a fab weekend, enjoy the sunshine 🙂

Hey Lisa,

Hope you feeling better and have enjoyed your weekend..Pain, i'm in so much of it as well, can't go out running for second day which is killing me, because it helps my mind a lot. Well i suppose yesterday my journey to London didn't help being on feet all day.

Physical health is so important, we seem to forget it sometimes.

Take care, and enjoy the rest of the Sunday

Sandra x

Thanks for your support sandra.

Well not having a very good day today, really struggling on both fronts gambling and smoking.

My head is all over the place, didnt have a good day yesterday, felt really low and couldnt shift it. Its my wedding anniversary today and my hubby forgot all about it for the second year, last year was when i had my breakdown and there was so much stuff going on i understood but i was hoping that this year might be different. My mind is always seeking reassurance and i never seem to get it, we have been married 13 years and i suppose hes never been any different but i think i feel that i need a little bit more, i know i am selfish with what i have put him through. Then i have come into work this morning, boss is stressed as he says hes not got any money to pay our wages on friday, so thats worrying me, he always found it before when this happens but not sure this time. With the IVA everything is so tight anyway and i am supposed to be going to an agility comp on thursday for 4 days which we have saved hard to go and i am going to keep worrying about if i have been paid or even have a job to come back to next week. Think this might just tip me over the edge if i dont stay strong, thats something i dont feel today, bad thoughts in my head!!

Had enough today and i do apologise to everyone but need to get it out, feel totally and utterly screwed up.

Hope everyone else is having a better day

Take care all Lisa 🙁

Hi Lisa,

sorry to hear that you are low, when we have taken gambling, which was quite a chunk of our daily routine, away I think we crave attention from our loved ones possibly moreso than normal. Just remember, how he is supporting you through this when others would simply have walked away. The good times will keep on coming with all the hard work you are putting in.

hope the week gets better

Phil

x

Thanks for your kind words phil, it is great to have support.

Still feel really depressed, dont feel like talking to anyone, one of my friends contacted me yesterday who i haven't seen in ages asking me to meet up for a brew and a chat, feel like i cant be bothered but i do want to meet her, maybe its a bit of fear in case she asks me lots of questions about life etc. i will make the effort to contact her today i need to try to snap out of this, the temptations have been strong over the last few days but i havent given in, got my agility comp at the weekend so got to pull myself together!!!!!!!!!!!! wont be able to run the dogs if my head is in the shed especially number 1 dog who picks up on my moods all the time, very clever my dogs!

Hope everyone ok, probably wont get on here after today as i can only access when not in work on my phone and fat fingers here cant type very well on my phone but will browse the forum.

Take care all

Lisa 🙂

Hi Lisa

sorry to read that you are having a tough time at the moment. The fact that your boss might not have enough money for the wages must be so stressful for you, it could be a big trigger for the gambling. Hey, you can do it, just take one day at a time. If you manage to not gamble through this stressful time you will feel a lot better about life. Take care, stay strong.

Stux

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for continued support. I hope everything is well with you, and you keep going strong.

Day at a time, you doing great!

Take care

Sandra x

Hi Lisa, thanks for posting on my diary. Hope the rest of the week and weekend were more positive for you. I haven't secured a job yet, had 2 interviews and I messed one up due to nerves! Need to find something soon though - need money to live on!!! Take care and keep strong x

Well hello diary, not been on for nearly a week and i must say i missed catching up on everyone.

My weekend went brill, all 3 dogs were excellent, my eldest number 1 dog was as consistent as ever and got 4 places out of 6 runs, number 3 dog had a go and did an amazing run as she not done much training and got a 4th place beating lots more experienced dogs but the star was number 2 dog, she got a 1st place against some amazing dogs with a fantastic run, all our hard work is finally coming together. I was so proud of them all. Number 1 dog got last comp in September then i am going to retire her as number 3 dog did so will.

Had a great time with my friends and even managed to not smoke which was the test.

Back to work and very tired busy etc but only two weeks and then got a week off.

Hope everyone is doing ok and hopefully tomorrow will have more time to catch up on everyone

Take Care all 🙂

Hey Lisa,

Fantastic news! Very well done for your great achievements last weekend, you should be so proud of yourself and your dogs:-)

Great stuff for keeping away from smoking as well as gambling, your life is full happiness and new dreams now..Keep it up, we all behind you and supporting you in every single way.

Proud of you girl!

Have a great day

Sandra x

Hi Lisa, what a fab weekend you had! You must be thrilled and it must be lovely to be out doing things with friends and family rather than gambling. Keep strong xxx

Morning everyone, sorry havent been on for a few days and i apologise for letting my fellow friends down and not giving the support.

I have been struggling for a few weeks now with my depression and its really come to a head this last week, felt okish when away with the dogs as its something to keep my mind away from everything else but then i have to come back.

The main thing i am struggling with is the responsibilities in my life. When i admitted to my husband about the gambling he said he would take over all financial responsibility, at the time we did the iva and it was easier for me to sort it all out but that was sorted in april and he still hasn't taken over. I maybe being selfish but its so hard and i cant take much more of it. It is like asking a person who has packed in smoking or drinking to walk around with a bottle of vodka and a packet of f**s and not have one!!!! thats what my day is everyday. I have a battle going on in my head all the time - guilt, i cant say anything as it was all my fault - why do i put with it and keep quiet ask for help!

I must admit thoughts have been bad over the weekend, it was like how it was july of last year, didnt want to come into work this morning but just about managing to get through, think this is only because i am on my own, not sure how i would be if my boss was in. We are supposed to be going away for a few days next week in the caravan, really need to get my head sorted before then.

Sorry for my rambling, this is just touching on the surface, i think i need to get my feelings out in the open, i just need to feel brave enough as i understand how selfish i am but cant take much more.

Enough for today and thanks for listening x