I feel as if I have been here so many times and right now I feel only absolute loathing and disgust for myself
I know I have a problem as I chase losses but I never seem to learn
I had some bets today and as usual I lost and chased, it wasnt alot of money compared to many but the point was I didn't even have the mental strength to stop myself it is as if something takes over my head and I just feel as if I have to bet and everything will be fine if I win
Of course, I never won and managed to stop by self excluding from the bookmaker but even after that the feeling began in my head that just one more bet would fix everything.
The annoying thing for me is I can go months without a bet no problem at all but as soon as I have one bet I become a different person and it is genuinely the only thing I can think about. After each bet loses I get a total comedown followed by a slow build up of "got to bet, got to bet"
I look back on my account and see 2 previous threads that obviously never worked but I need to try again or I will end up losing everything which I might do anyway.
Luckily, there are no accounts left to bet on and there are no bookmakers nearby so I didn't bet after 325pm today and the feeling passed but I know it will be back if I don't get help and hopefully typing this will be a start
I don't really know how these recovery diaries work and am only writing this for myself and hopefully I will see the days add up without a bet although I am under no illusion how hard it will be.
If I can get to this time tomorrow without having a bet then it's a start
Hello Tommy and I'm sorry to see you back under the circumstances :(( but at least your here now and the work can begin again but hopefully this time for good ?.
These " Recovery diary's " work because it's about like minded people coming together and supporting each other with acommon goal in mind , they do work mate but you really need to want to stop and be prepared to put the hours in on here to keep yourself safe . You said you change as a person after one bet ? Well the good news is your not on your own there , it changes us all and once we start the stop button's hard to press , the only thing I can say to that is " If you don't place the first bet there won't be a second " so get those block and self exclusions in place , however much you may think you don't ned them .
Take care buddy and I'll talk to you soon :))
Thanks very much. Fingers crossed etc but I'm under no illusions how hard it will be. Luckily I'm self excluded from every site I can think of and don't like machines or casinos. I'll need to find a meeting to go to also.
No bets since I started this thread.
Still no bets today and no plans to. It does seem very easy so far although I know exactly what I'm like after 1 bet so the only thing that matters is not having that first bet
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