Holly’s diary

Thank you scotty for replying to my previous post 

I am starting right back at the start and tying to use all resources possible to keep me GF 

Hope your well 

Holly 

Hi holly hope all is well  how is your recovery going 

You did the right thing contacting GA.  Its the only thing that really works consistently.  You need to go to the meetings for the rest of your life though.  There are no shortcuts.  

Hi 

Thanks for replies 

I have continued my counselling and thankful for that service I remain GF and will do everything i Can to remain that way, one day at a time .

Holly 

16 days just keep ticking off a day at a time .

Had a overwhelming thought last night probably one of my strongest, I thought no way am I letting you in my head - watched some TV and had a early night and went to bed thinking another day Holly well done.  I slept quiet well for me if I had acted on that thought now where would I have been ! 
In panic the how would i replace it ? the anxiety the fear that Comes With all the lies, and then right back in the cycle all over again and what comes with that the chase !! And can we stop NO we keep on going and going.
But instead I chose not to act on that thought and distracted myself and instead I went to bed as happy as one can be in recovery knowing I chose the right decision which led to a good night sleep .

All we can do is 1 day at a time and tell Yourself at the end of that day well done another day down and tick to us not them and it feels good to write that down.

Holly 

well done holly   
   Scotty??

Thanks Scotty you have always supported me through my recovery and for that I’m extremely grateful.

Hope your keeping well

Holly 

That's great, Holly, well done! It sounds from your earlier posts that it's been a good seven days. 

How are you feeling about it, and how does it compare to the previous seven days?

Thank for you’re response Greyville 

How are you finding being GF ?

I knew this time I wanted to do this I think lapses do a play a part in recovery having discussed this with my councillor and the last one made me stronger I think!! Still working through this Topic so learning Myself more as we go on.

I DONT want to gamble and I think I when you hit that point it’s easier to turn those thoughts to positive.By no means will this be easy and like my previous posts it’s taking one day at a time  but knowing I don’t want to this time is helping me find the strength to remain GF . My Triggers are definitely stress anxiety related so It’s making sure  I have the knowledge to address these way before we get to the next level and we then Know what comes next .At the moment I feel positive and I’m just trying to build on each day .

Holly 

That all sounds really positive: The fact you're able to open to a counsellor and seek their guidance sounds really good.

How did you find the weekend? It's always tricky for me...though this weekend was a lot better (easier?) than I expected.

Hopefully you'll be able to find ways of reacting to stres and anxiety that don't give you a trigger...whether it be speaking to someone, coming on here, doing some exercise or going for a walk - whatever it is.

I'm doing okay. Five days GF me now. I've been on here since last Wednesday and, I have to admit, I was very tentative at first, but now it just feels like second nature to come here each day, read other people's input and respond with my own.

Positive session today with my Councillor 

I remain GF and it feels great to be keep ticking those days off ✅ 

Holly 

Hi Holly im glad your findinf counselling helpful...and well done on your gamble free days yoy should be proud xx

Lou

That's really good to hear, well done!

Is lockdown impacting on your counselling sessions? For example, do you have them online to make it easier?

It sounds like you're making lots of progress - credit to you.

Hi Greyville 

How are you a good day ?

Its all done by telephone with the current restrictions and very grateful for such a wonderful service that is offered to us .

I do feel very positive at the moment and hope to carry on in this way, I think weekends seem to be my strongest urges so plan to keep extra busy getting out and enjoying some lovely walks which I have found this is helping my anxiety too.

How did you find watching the football yesterday?

Holly 

Posted by: Holly66

Hi Greyville 

How are you a good day ?

Its all done by telephone with the current restrictions and very grateful for such a wonderful service that is offered to us .

I do feel very positive at the moment and hope to carry on in this way, I think weekends seem to be my strongest urges so plan to keep extra busy getting out and enjoying some lovely walks which I have found this is helping my anxiety too.

How did you find watching the football yesterday?

Holly 

 

 

Yep, today is day eight...no problems so far.

I haven't had an issues watching matches on TV, except for last night as it was one of the teams I would usually bet on, but it didn't bother me to any serious extent.

As I've said before, I'm really trying not to become complacenent: My downfall in the past has been getting too comfortable...knowing I can abstain, so choosing not to. I just need to keep at it.

You're right about the counselling service - it's great that it's available. I'm glad you're getting something constructive out of it and hope that continues.

How have the last couple of days gone for you?