Hope

SA,cancel the direct debit instruction ASAP,try not to stress,any credit agreement that isn't signed on the companies business premises has (by law in the 1974 consumer credit act) a 14 day cooling off period,you will not have to pay a penny and they can't pursue you for it.

Seano.

Hi S.A

Blimey so sorry to read your last few posts and what has happened. I hate these f******* people that set up things like this and then go on to take advantage and rob decent people..

I hope things all work out

Hang in there

All the best

Day 41... another day gambling free and gambling free it shall remain.

The last 18 hours have just been awful but ive stopped crying now and am doing stuff to help myself. Unfortunately after having sort professional advice it is true that i have no right of concellation. I either pay £75 a month for the next year or potentially get taken through the small claims court or civil court with all the costs involved... it could be that I end up owing alot of money and return to having to deal with debt collectors.

The emotional fallout from yesterdays moment of madness is really horrible. I rang the samaritians at 6 this morning and just blubbed. I hate feeling like such a week and vulnerable person. its just really hard just now. On top of this ive gotta make sure i apply for some jobs so the job centre doent stop my JSA... and all the ramifications of that. So I will *** on with some of that.

Whoever said life was easy.. S.A

SA,i am very surprised that you can't cancel that damm agreement,scandalous in my view,and my heart goes out to you,don't give in though,see citizens advice for an opinion:),......and don't get to worked up about your JSA,just take a list in of what you've applied for and what your doing to try to find work and you will be ok:).

Seano.

Thanks Sean.. the days of being very stable in recovery have past for now. Ive had "thoughts" today which go along the lines of.. well I could win some money to replace the money that I shelled out for this course or i could win some money to pay for the train I need to get next week or I could win some money to pay for next weeks bus pass.. you get the drift. Its a straight forward .. "I want more money"... of course I crave the escapism as well.. shut off.. not have to think about where I am at at the moment.

This morning i was lying in bed in a right state. My mum phones up.. in response to the message i left her.. I listen to the answer machine as she leaves her message.. the words "exasperation" and "disappointment" are used and her real frustration with me. Suddenly I have regressed to being like a 5 year old.. the disappointment from ones mother..even as an adult and after counselling my mum still has a profound impact upon me. Do other people experince this even well into adult hood? At this moment in time I am in adult mode, when am gambling am like a child at play.

anway am back on something of an even keel this evening. I have switched off from my problems for a while by playing snooker with a couple of friends and as the saying goes.. whats the difference between a good day and a great day?.. a good day is when everything goes well and you dont gamble a great day is when everything goes to s**t and you don't gamble.. its been a s**t day but i havent gambled... its been a great day..

My diary is so long now.. but I still need it more than ever.. thanks for listening.. S.A

S. A my friend. ..I owe my parents absolute fortunes for this mate and I hate myself for it. ..pensioners now I want to give back. .slowly I will. ..I really feel for you the past couple of days mate. .you've tried a different diary before pal !!! Not easy but this is YOUR diary my friend and that's why you've got respect of so many diaries 😉 chin up dude we can do this !!

Thanks wp your a good support to me and so many others.

Well here I am at day 42 gambling free... 6 weeks in fact. Need to give myself a pat on the back. It would have been so easy to cave in and start gambling but i havent and have no intention of doing so. Its not easy though the craving for some escapism is powerful today. Am also very run down today, have a mouth ulcer and generally fatigued. The stress of the last couple of days has caught up with me physically.

I will do what i have to do to keep myself safe and thats the simple things.. cash card stays at home and only carry what money i really need. In fact all i will do is pop out to the shops briefly otherwise am indoors being good to myself. Thanks for listening.. keep safe everyone.. S.A 🙂

SA, felt the need to drop by to join your pat on the back for 6 weeks gamble free. As you said, easy to fall into the trap of a binge and doing irreversible damage.

Keep up the good work and just concentrate on NOT gambling and everything else will come together i'm sure of that

Take Care

Blues

Morning SA,

Six weeks is fantastic progress mate... be proud. Although right now things may feel s**t... this WILL pass.

Time as you know alters everything and bit by bit, day by day... If you concentrate on not gambling for just one day... You know it will change the way you feel and so will your situation naturally grow to be more positive...

Believe in yourself... coz we believe in you my friend 😉

Gambling has never solved or helped anyone here at this site...with or in, their lives. Neither does trying to punish oneself again & again by gambling, ever resolved anything.

It isn't your friend... its draw on people for (false) comfort/a place to hide from the troubles of life...are in reality the complete opposite.

You have been there and got the t. shirts SA.

Gambling is simply not compatible with who you really are. It never has helped you has it?

You are worth so much more. There is so much more for you in life that you have yet to experience. You WILL get through this part of your life SA... One day you will look back at this time and know that this is where your strength rebuilding began.

Keep talking through your feelings as you move forward... we are always here to listen & try & help... and if those 'demons' start shouting... just play the tape to the end... Play it over & over... until it sinks in!

Believe SA

Jackie x

Day 43 gambling free and gambling free it shall remain

Thanks Blues & Jac... gambling is simply not compatible with who I really am.

Am slowly working through the issues with this rip off online course I signed up for and which am legally bound to pay for. However Ive decided not to pay them another penny but firstly am having a chat with the mangaging director on Monday to ask calmly and nicely whether he will allow me to exit said contract. I shall see what happens but my decision in principle has been made... they are not getting a single penny more from me.I have come to terms with the lost £300 I gave them in cash and the worst case scenario which is court judgement and costs and dealing with debt collectors once more.

I have also come to terms with the fact that am not interested in the big buisness/administartion career anymore and the big money that may go with it. A steady job with a steady income and an ordinary life. Thast fine by me.

Working towards peace and serenity is much more important than any money. Am so tired of waking up with a knot of anxiety within.

Time to go for a run.. thanks for listening.. S.A

6 weeks, well done! Keep it up!

And long may this continue!

Getting There

Good for you SA,i can assure you that i personally wouldn't be paying a penny more if i was in your position:).Stay strong.

Seano.

Thanks Guys.. day 44 since my last gamble and gambling free it shall remain.

Am back on an even keel.. am about to send a grovelling letter to the MD of this company (registered post of course), having accepted in myself that I am technically tied into the contract and asking him politely to allow me to exit contract stage left. His compensation being my £300 deposit. I think any reasonable businessman would be ok with that.. but like Seano says.. not a penny more will be going to this company.

I had a good day yesterday.. good run and then a friend over for roast. A little job search today, enjoy the sunshine and then running club this evening.

I can feel the anxiety and tension in my neck and sometimes I get red and blotchy top of my chest.. sure signs of stress.. but atleast it isnt gambling stress. Am not gambling one day at a time.. thanks for listening.. S.A

Ive just received am email saying that they are willing to allow me to exit contract stage left and i owe them nothing more. Thank goodness for that!!! 🙂

This lesson has cost me £300.. but i can live with that. In the past this sort of situation would have sent me back gambling.. not this time though.. am more determined than ever to keep gambling away.. one day at a time! thanks for listening.. S.A