Hope

Great news SA:),you can relax now and concentrate your efforts on your job search:),the £300 is gone,but at least the matter is settled.

Seano.

Hi S.A

Thats great to read that news in your last post, i think you have handled things brilliantly when going through a right rough time.

Just by not being tempted to go back to gambling, when it could of been oh so easy just shows how strong and determined you are to continue onwards with your recovery.

Keep up the good work, ODAAT, i'm chuffed to bits for you that you now have that all sorted out..

Takecare

Day 45 dawns gambling free and gambling free it shall remian

Thanks Seano and Lb.. your right am well pleased that it seems to be over and very proud of myself that I didn't self-destruct into gambling. Onwards and upwards, day at a time as always.. S.A

Day 46 dawns gambling free and gambling free it shall remain.

Went to GA last night. Had a few thoughts of gambling on the way. Going in to the city centre sometimes does that to me, plus the dark nights and bright lights. When the thoughts come along the feelings were sure to follow and this was no exception.

Fortunately I was able to play the tape forward in my mind ie loosing my money and then the depressing journey home having not seen my mates at GA. I also didn't have my cash card with me and only limited money. Anyway I did not gamble, no damage done, financially or psychologically... I just needed to acknowledge these pesky thoughts.

A good Ga meeting, took away what i needed and left the rest. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi SA, it's good to see you getting through the last episode without gambling. I know what you mean about the dark winter months and the bright lights. When I pass a bookies I try to look in and visualise me losing in there....just a quick reminder to myself. Keep strong and we are listening. Russ

Thanks Russ. Day 47 dawns gambling free and gambling free it shall remain.

Had another great run at club last night. I now run with the fast intermediates. Am enjoying the social side to.

Again I admit to a few gambling thoughts but I havent acted on them. Relatively easy to dismiss. I guess it didn't help that when i got off the bus to go see my friend yesterday he was going into the bookies. On a positive he doesnt talk about gambling in my company and at the end of the day his gambling is his issue and nothing to do with me. He did seem slightly manic when we met though which to me suggested that he'd either had a win or he'd lost his money.

Anyway lets see what today brings.. S.A

SA,

Just something which my counsellor taught me. Use it if you wish. I did a few times and it helped.

A) You know that you want to stop gambling, therefore the trick is to recognise the urge to gamble as being an urge, and nothing else.

B) When the desire to gamble comes along, try to stop for 1 minute.

C) Allow yourself to feel the urge. Become aware of it. It is normal and natural for us to have this desire to gamble.

d) Try to measure the urge on a scale of one to ten. Ten being a biggie. This will help in building your awareness of the urge for what it is.

e) Try to remember that you have a choice. There is always a choice whether to gamble or do something else. e.g. go for a run or give in to a scale 9 urge. You know there is only one answer to that !

All these things depend on the person and you will have your own tools that work for you. Just trying to help you find your thing.

Good strength to you,

Brian

Hi S.A

Thanks as always for your support.

Well Done on resisting them urges, you are bouncing back more determined as ever and are handling things great.

I used to turn into a hyper freak while on a gambling binge, was like i was on fast forward mode, everything going twice as fast as normal..crazy stuff..

Keep up the good work my friend

ODAAT

Takecare

Thanks Brian and Lb..

This is day 48 gambling free and gambling free it shall remain.

Yes Brian i kinda make a point of acknowledging the urge... feel it, accept it and allow it to pass. Yesterday I had some "thoughts" they didn't develope into full blown urges to gamble.. but they were there. I was a bit stressed out yesterday cos today signing on day and as with two weeks ago i had visions of being told off like a naughty child for perhaps not applying for enough jobs, having benefits cut, losing flat... catastrophizing again! in reality of course it was fine. The nice lady printed off a job i might be interested in.. signed off what i'd written as to what i'd been doing.. and that was that.

Though like i say.. the thoughts were their.. lottery this time. Win loadsa money.. gotta be in it to win it type thinking. Anyway all that cr** thinking has passed now i feel ok today.. no thoughts or ruges.

I think at the moment though I am a bit paranoid. Couldn't load up my yahoo sign in page this morning.. immediately assumed my computer was full of internet nasties and that my email had been compromised.. catastrophising again!

And Lb I totally relate to the hyper freak comment. When I am anticipating gambling or actually gambling my head is buzzing.. my thoughts are flying along at a million miles an hour. All logic or rational thinking, in fact the ability to think at all.. just flys out the window. Its tunnel vision all the way. gamble gamble or rushing to cash point to get more funds to gamble with.

Its not crazy though ya know.. its addiction, its compulsion.. its the euphoric feelings that any addict of anything gets when they are in the grips of their addiction. Fight it day by day we must. Fight it day by day i am.

Anyway thats me.. am on a family visit soon so prob not posting for a few days.. which is no bad thing really.. have a break from my diary, have a kit kat. I shall of course continue to work my recovery. Am gonna leave my card at home i think. I will take a bit of extra cash for any unforseen expenses but don't need cards with me. Sanwiches for the train to.. planning ahead.. i can't do ther expensive buying food on the go anymore... time to forgo the £3 sandwich and £2.75 cup of cofee (x2) and the £1.50 packet of crips and the £1 mars bar.. you get the drift lol

happy days everyone.. keep safe. I know for many this time of year is tough to stay clean.. xmas appraoching with all the expense.. cold and dank and dark affecting ones mood. Its tough for me even if i was working but i am sttaying focussed. Life may not be a bowl of cheerries for me at the moment.. but it could be a whole lot worse. tahnks for listtening.. S.A 🙂

Yes, like you, I now refuse to pay over the odds for takeaway food. Why pay £3 for a sandwich when you can make one for much less? And it will be fresher than theirs! What about a flask of coffee too?

I'm not saying that I am cutting down on everything as there is nothing wrong with the odd treat or two. But there has to be a limit on to how much you spend on over the odds stuff.

Enjoy the time with your family and hope that you will come back fresh and raring to go!

Getting There

SA,

it's good to hear that you're trying to live life on life's terms which can be extremely difficult for a compulsive gambler but not as difficult as a return to the wilderness would be. The thing is you're doing it bet free and are aware of all the potential pitfalls.

Sounds like you're remaining patient with regards the job and it's nice to hear you're having a break with a kit kat (!) and filling the gambling shaped gap with something positive.

Agree with what you say re the cost of food on trains etc but remember when all money was only for gambling and nothing else despite what we had in reserve. The next minute there was no money for food. The feast or the famine. I prefer homemade sandwiches but for someonelse to make them for me. Enjoy your time away.

Best Wishes

Thanks Guys.

Well day 52 since my last gamble and gambling free it shall remain.

Am back from family visit and half-marathon run. No gambling problems really.. a few thoughts on the way there and on the way back but I easially dismissed them. The run itself wasn't a Pb.. I hour 55 mins in the end but am happy enough with that. Another commemorative medal to add to the collection. Next year will be my year for faster times I think and also my first full marathon.

Anyway back to the hear and now.. some job search today for sure and still waiting to hear from a couple of jobs outstanding.

Am working recovery as best I can.. and one day at a time. It takes time to re-build ones life. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Yee ha! I am still ahead of you with my 1h 51m!

But seriously though, well done on 1h 55m, I certainly am a long way from that at the moment!

All the very best with the job search - you will find one that really suits you.

And 52 days, wow! Keep it up mate!

Getting There

Thanks Gt.. day 53 gambling free and gambling free it shall remain.

I came close to gambling yesterday but I didn't gambling. I was in a different part of town standing at a bus stop in the cold and dark and suddenly it felt like a good idea to have a little gamble. My gambling head was saying why not win back the money i'd just spent on a winter running top. I got as far as having a little wonder around to see what gambling hell holes were about.. of which their were plenty of course... with their bright lights calling me in. I managed to pull myself back from the brink but to be honest it was close run thing.

I didn't have my card with me.. but thats not the point. Its what the gamble could have done to me psychologically. I went to Ga in the evening but somehow wasn't able to say how close i'd come to gambling. Everyone seemingly doing so well. I know I am vulnerable at the moment... taking things a day at a time.. thats all I have to do. I do not want to gamble. I have choices. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Day 54 dawns gambling free and gambling free it shall remain.

Am feeling stronger today. Happy to have got through the last 48 hours having made the right choices. My mood had taken a big dip but am feeling ok again now.

Had a great run at club last night. I do enjoy running in the cold. A few of us going for a long run at the weekend. Thanks for listening.. S.A