Hope

Day 185

People can be so self-centred its untrue. But that's them and i'd like to think that am not like that. Sorry if am speaking in riddles, its just folk at work not pulling together for the greater good does my head in.

Also I rushed home from work cos my mate needed/wanted to use the internet/phone in business work hours and he's not shown up. With my pessimistic hat on I think to myself, he's got his fortnightly benefits today and he's either gambled them away and gone to ground or he's still gambling. I hope am wrong but at the same time I realise I need to keep him at arms length.

No gambling issues with me. In truth am glad he's not shown am well tired today it. Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Day 186

Another day passing gambling free. Came home from work packed my gym bag and then thought nah not today. Am too tired I wouldn't enjoy it.

Yesterday I bought myself a mountain bike, I pick it up Friday ie just in time for the bank holiday weekend and a nice bike ride. It means am pretty much skint till pay day as ive shelled out quite a lot this month. But if I was gambling I would of had no money to shell out on anything. In a few weeks it will have paid for itself in money saved on bus fares.. so that's good.

My gambling mate texted me to invite me over for food and snooker at the weekend so I guess he's not blown all his money.. so that's a good thing too.

Roll on the weekend. Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

187 days in a row with not a single penny gambled.

Just been to collect my mountain bike at Tesco's and was presented with a box and I says to the lady: "how am I supposed to cycle that home?"... she wasn't very impressed with my comment, even though I said it half jokingly. Of course she was expecting me to say "can you put it together?" and of course she wasn't going to do that cos her customer service ethos didn't stretch that far.

So off I dragged my flat pack mountain bike to some far flung corner of the store to do battle with what was described on the internet as "minimal assembly", which of course was not the case.

First off I had to fight my way into the box wrestling with plastic restraints (no scissors, walk across the store to borrow them) and then some instructions written in small print, that I never read anyway, cos it should be straight forward shouldn't it?

Anyway after getting in a sweaty strop, a very decent young man by the name of Matt helped me put the d**n thing together. Thank you matt your a star!

So I cycled it home.. and yeah its fine. My little treat to myself for not having gambled for more than 6 months.

Am off to bed now, cos for some reason am ridiculously tired. Work has really taken it out of me this week. Good night all, stay gamble free, life gets better when we don't gamble... thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Reading your story I was dreading getting to the bit when the wheel fell off as you cycled home as I am sure it would have done if I had assembled it. I usually find one bolt left over when I do kit things and wonder for ever where it should have gone.

Just wondering if the geese will chase you, the swans chase the rowers in the river and hiss at them, really funny

xxx

Day 188

Thanks Rainbow, no disasters on the bike so far. I enjoyed cycling to the gym and back. Later am gonna cycle along the canals to my mates in the warm spring sunshine. Make the most of it while it lasts eh.

Stress levels finally starting to go down. Am just beginning to see how stressed out ive been at work this week. Its too much stress really, but I have coped with it. No sickness since 2011 and no gambling since 18th Nov 2012, onwards a day at a time. Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Day 189

Am loving the bike. Cycled down the gym again. On the way back there's a nice down hill section absolutely invigorating in the breeze, wind on the face and all that. I feel absolutely refreshed. Much better than spending £3.90 day saver for the smelly old bus.

Cycled over to mates yesterday, arrived 4pm as planned. Mate not in so I waited 5 minutes and then cycled home. I thought to myself he's probably in the bookies, now he's got his pension lump sum so I wasn't going to hang around.

Truth is I didn't really want to be there anyway am not sure he's a mate really, just someone who takes advantage of my kind nature when he wants something i.e. when he's run out of money or he's got a problem that involves use of a phone or internet.

On another level though he is good medicine for me to stay away from the big G. I don't want to be dependant upon others for basic day to day living. My self-esteem gets better in living an ordinary life day by day. Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

190 days in a row with not a penny gambled.

I still need this place though. I learn from bitter experience that a decent stretch gambling free does not mean that I am out of the woods.

Its like yesterday my mood dropped like a stone. By the evening I was feeling deeply miserable and was just idling away time online. After the high of a good gym session and bike ride I just didn't know what to do with myself and that's when the thoughts of gambling came along. Boredom was the trigger.

I didn't gamble and I wasn't going to gamble but the fact remains that am still feeling stuck in life. I have not fundamentally changed anything. Am too self-contained as always which I don't really want to be like if truth be known and yet at the same time I'd prefer to be alone than around the wrong people. Associating with other people with addiction problems (which I have been doing) is not good for me. Am also in a job that's too stressful and pays too little.

Anyhow at this moment in time am feeling fine. Ive decided not to go on a long Sunday run. I need a break from all that. Gym and cycle is my exercise for now. Thanks for listening folks 🙂

Hi SA 190 days is great. One day a time. Dont forget its a terrible thing to go back to and just aint worth slipping for. Glad your enjoying the bike although sorry to here the job is still stressful as ever. Hope you enjoyed the break yesterday. Take care and easy said than done but keep ya chin up!

Day 190 continues...

hey thanks Dave, your right, it just ain't worth slipping. Ive been around that merry go round far to many times and its s**t every time. Ive just gotta keep a check on my moods. My biggest trigger really is when I start to feel sorry for myself and get all depressed and woe is me. I remind myself that I seldom feel that way for long and I get back to positive headspace soon enough.

I also remind myself that if I was gambling I would not have bought my mountain bike and I would not have enjoyed a lovely cycle to the gym and back and neither would I have enjoyed a grande mocha frappacino after my workout.

With not gambling it brings me options and possibilities. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Well done passing the six month mark! I'm pleased to read you treated yourself and are now enjoying the rewards of that treat.

Take care and happy cycling!

Irene

x

Have nine baby ducks in my garden today, wonder how many will survive this year.

Six months is ages so well done and hope the weather improves so no more soggy cycling.

xxx

Day 192

Thanks both 🙂

Not much to say today. Just living life on life's terms and without gambling. Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Hi S.A,

I am so inspired by your progress, very well done on your long journey. Keep looking forward, and enjoy all positive things life offers to you.

Sandra

Hi S.A, thank you for the support you gave me on my diary.

Onwards and upwards.

Take care LG.

Day 195, thanks all

Can't sleep, so ive got up. Had a couple of beers with collegues after work. Only 2 but that seems to have been enough to throw me out of sorts. I really am a right wuss when it comes to drinking nowadays. I have all these "feeling insecure" thoughts swimming around my head space but I guess they will pass and I will sleep when it happens.

Not able to put down my thoughts so that they make much sense, just writing for the sake of writing and something to do I reckon.

Anyhow no desire to gamble. I Just carry on day by day. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Thanks for listening... S.A