Hope

Day 204

Thanks Rach... am struggling today. I felt very tense and stressed first thing at work, but I coped without losing my rag. Thankfully the day went relatively smoothly and I can now relax. No gambling problems. Thanks for listening... S.A

The sun is up, later it will go down.

Day 204 comes to an end.

My emotional state has been all over the place recently. I have times when I get real tired of being alive and feel like am about to have a breakdown and then other times when I feel relaxed and at peace with myself. Today has flip flopped between the two. My state of mind of mind is in flux. I hope it settles down soon. Thanks for listening... S.A

Hey SA....

It's quite weird at the moment as a lot of people on the forum seem to be feeling low and a bit out of sorts...

I know what you mean about tired of being alive but if you say that in regular company ,Folks think you are suicidal or something..

It seems as recoverees we process such a lot in a day that it feels like we are 250...! ...it's also ironic that for years I used to worry about my own mortality and now if anyone talks about reincarnation I think good god ..you mean we have to keep coming back again and again...I'm exhausted...lol...can see the funny side today.

I know your not gonna like this bit hey...you know me ...but another symptom of low blood sugar is a sense of foreboding ...seriously ..

Have you eaten ? .nag nag nag nag nag ...

Self care is the new black

Sun goes up...sun comes down xx

Know just what you mean it's like living on a bloody big dipper some days when you just wish life would balance out.

I know from working in residential the burn out can really hit you unawares so as Rach says do take care nag nag nag

Tis only cos we care

xxx

Day 205... and thanks both.

Yes, my mental health has not been great lately and still isn't but to my credit am just running with it, sometimes literally.

Ive just wrote a load of stuff but now deleted it as the self-pity detector detected self-pity.

Today am over-tired but nothing more. Just eaten an entire box of Weetabix (both columns)... feel a bit sick unsurprisingly.

Gambling isn't on the radar but I am a miserable man today and that's just the way it is. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hey SA,

Your right thats just the way it is somedays, we cant be happy clappy all the time everyday, my god how exhausting would that be.

Yuck to the weetabix, Did you eat them without milk, my how difficult would that be lol.

take care

Blondie

Hey SA ...

In the time ivd known you on the forum I have noticed a pattern in that you seem to get low when you hold in anger about stuff in work....just an observation there and maybe a total coincidence ...

Whatever and whyever ...this too shall pass as they say ....

R and D xxx...ps ...ive just had dry museli ...lol

Hi SA, sorry to hear you're feeling a little down. Hats off to you though, any man who can eat 24 Weetabix in one go goes up in my estimation. Careful on that bike tomorrow cos if you f**t after all that cereal you'll shoot across the canal like Evel Kneviel. I hope things pick up for you soon, I'm sure they will, don't be too hard on yourself, get some rest for tomorrow's another day.

Take care

Steve

My 206th day with not a single penny gambled.

Thanks all and to be honest one of the columns of Weetabix was not a full column, but am sure I polished off approaching 20 bix with milk and sugar of course! It was comfort eating cos I felt like rubbish. Same principle as my gambling, but better to eat too much cereal that put £300 into the slots.

Am more on a level today though I did get f***** off at the end of the day when the ex b**** boss appeared and wanted the seats taken out the minibus..nearly did my back in trying to hoik the f*****s out. But like I say overall ive been on a level and coping well. I took just one client swimming and we just wallowed in the shallows (his choice).

Just reflecting on the past few days and weeks, its true that my depression is worse when ive gone through a period of high stress but its also true that I can get very low when ive got too much idle time and I start to think and dwell. But am not gambling so that's a good thing. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hey! ...just saying hey! ...; ) x

Hi S.A

You have done so well, day 206 wow!

Reading other people's diaries and going on my experiences, it definitely seems the more busy we are the better. It keeps our minds off gambling.

Well done on the last couple of days when you have felt low but you proved to yourself you are able to through difficult times.

Take care

LG

Day 207 and thanks both 🙂

Today has been fine. Am feeling on a level today. Neighbour having an engagement party, so I best go and be social for a few minutes. No gambling problems... S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Sounds like you're getting there.......well done on racking up the days.

Enjoy the party!

Irene

x

Lol ...social for 2 minutes ..that's funny SA...make sure you take an extra large doggy bag for the free food xx

Day 207 comes to an end

Am back lol.. ive done my social neighbour bit. In principle i'd like to have a chat with a stranger, cos I enjoy that sort of thing but the music has been cranked up and I can't hear a thing... and then everyone is getting drunk and if I get drunk I will have a horrible time at work tomorrow and if I did a sickie i'd not get paid nothing and I need the money. Maybe am just a boring old f**t but after standing with a beer for a while I get bored so off I go. The only thing that kept me their longer than a few mins was some girl more than half my age dressed very provocatively. She could have been jail bait for all I knew lol

that's me, another day done... S.A 🙂

The sun has gone down.