Hope

SA

Thank you so much more for your lovely words

I will try my very hardest to learn from you but I do know underneath It will always be there

Supporting you all the way

Suzanne xx

Hi SA,

I've been thinking bout you over recent weeks and not seeing you post so often mate, I'm sorry to hear that the gambling gathered pace again. I think we've spoken about balance before, and how everything is easier when the work is enough but not too stressful, but once there is a push in that stress, the pull is felt in other parts of life. If gambling becomes the release valve, that is often when we are most vulnerable.

Suzanne is right, this isn't a case of finally stopping for good, its a journey. Since I started gambling, and since I've been trying to stop gambling I too have had several longer periods, and lots of 3-6 months stretches without gambling. But when it comes to relapsing, in the past it has been big relapses, like the ones you've mentioned.

I can only agree that finding other things that you enjoy would be a good plan, I've dedicated myself to work for so long, I occasionally forget there is actually a life to live too!

Thoughts are with you mate, you've had so much success in not gambling, I know you can make this another long period of success.

Ryan

Hi SA,

Good to see you coming back and in much positive mindset. I read your earlier post and it truly gripped my heart...just how strong this addiction is and how it can take over our mindset...

Anyway, enough about that disgusting habit, you are back and fighting away. So am i...next to you...we can do it.

Keep being busy and be kind to yourself. A lesson i am learning myself, start liking yourself...time to make friends with ourselves 🙂

Take a good care of yourself

S x

Hi SA,

I can really relate to your post.

I truly believe I created my own chaos either consciously or sub consciously when things seemed dull I created the chaos to make me feel alive again and we all know that the rush of gambling does that even though it's a negative rush.

When we are in action we are on a high and then when we have sufficiently done our brains in we have to deal with the aftermath, Worry, anxiety, guilt, regret, hatred, all negative emotions but I believe for me I did it because it was better than feeling bored or tired or un content with my lot.

I had to get back to basics and I think in your last post you said you were thankful to be alive .... Finding new things to do, challenging yourself in situations you might feel a little un comfortable in, steeping outside of your comfort zone for me are all positive things I now push myself to do....

The rush of achievement and pride and happiness are the emotions I want to feel now.....

It's always little baby steps but each day you are getting closer , You may never know the why ? But you can certainly change the how ?

Take care SA

Blondie x

Thanks all and No gambling since my last post.

In truth whilst I maybe doing positive things to get myself back on track (keeping busy, getting some work, going for a pint and a chat, having a mate round for lunch)...inside I just feel awful. Am just going through the motions of being alive. Sounds a bit melodramatic, but that's how I feel as I sit here and type. I acknowledge that I may feel different as time passes.

I am stealing myself for an intense period of work that will put me back on an even keel financially, but as always it will be draining and tiring and emotionally a real head f***... but it must be done to keep my roof over my head, bills paid, food in my stomach and so on... I hope I can hold myself together.

My three weeks of madness has put me back to living on the edge... chaos of my own making that only effects me... I feel so alone with it all and that hurts. Will I ever learn?

Been for a run this morning... marathon 2 weeks away... lets see what I can do this time.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi SA

It's time to live for today we don't know what tomorrow has for us but today we are living

Gambling is a sad self destructive illusion that we get through becoming addicted to it

Break the chain only you can change the outcome when life gets boring or tough break a window,

scream, do something really naughty just don't gamble your life will just get worse and worse

You have done it do it again simply because you can

You owe it to yourself you owe it to your future

Over 600 days is awesome and very hard to achieve

Take care

Suzanne xx

Morning S.A,

The honesty and humility comes through in your posts dear S.A. It aint easy doing the work under the surface. I know all too well. Sometimes, we have to fake it til we make it. Other times it gets to be all too much and we screw up. Identifying some issues, taking a stance, and fighting them head on tells me that you are a brave, honest, humble, soul bound and determined to get through this thing with your head held high come hell or high water. I am proud to be walking along side of you S.A P.s. even on the days when it seems we are both wading in the deep.. -joanxxxx

Hi SA,

One of the strengths of a gambler is that we have worked our socks off to support out gambling habits in the past, so I know you're going to be tough enough to get through that period of hard work to get back on track. Head down, plough through just as you've done when you had the tough stretches of work before. It's not easy, but it is what it is.

Two weeks away from a marathon, I imagine that is in your mind pretty large right now. If I remember from my dad's training do you have a last big run coming up pretty soon?

Hope you're okay mate,

Ryan

No gambling since my last post.

Well yes Ryan I think you have it spot on in what you say. I had 2 days of really intense work. Up at 5 a.m, cycling 8 miles in the rain, worked 7 a.m till 9 P.m then an 8 mille cycle home and then up again at 5 to do it all again. It nearly bloody killed me but I suppose I was lucky to have the work so I could work my way out of the gambling financial trouble I'd got myself into. I also had a few hours on the bank holiday which was double time... so that was helpful.

Now that the new term is about to start I will be working Monday to Friday and if (and it is IF) I can hack it I will return to being financially ok once more. They've put me with 2 of the most challenging kids which is really gonna test me to the limit... but like you say Ryan... you plough on through, cos the alternative is "lying in bed in the foetal position feeling depressed" which is how I feel. It is what it is.

In an attempt to lift my mood I went out and bought some bright and colourful socks. Plain blue, black and white socks are history. I shall have colourful feet from now on.. so colourful that people will comment and then we will laugh... that's the plan anyway.

Gambling has been on my mind but I haven't acted on them devilish thoughts. From a selfish point of view it helps to read about old timers who have gone for long stretches gamble free (like myself) and then come unstuck. It reminds me that it never goes away, not fully.

That's me folks. Not in a great way but carrying on carrying on. Thanks for listening... S.A

Morning S.A

Well, it's morning here, anyway. Yes, work continues to be cr** at the moment but, nobody that I know loves their job every moment of every waking day. On a good day I try to remind myself how lucky I am to have a job that covers the bills and the little extras.

I agree that the boy that screams at night is unwell. There is more unrest around the neighborhood lately. I think people are struggling financially mostly and getting plain sick of it. I hate having to lock the door during the daytime but, have resorted to doing so out of self preservation...

I don't want to be depressing here so will just close by saying yeah, the beat goes on. Things tend to get worse before they get better and they always get better eventually. I'm a curious old lady that hangs around mostly because I want to see just what's coming up around the bend.

I am proud to walk side by side with you friend. You deserve some peace and happiness pal. Here's hoping that something wonderful and spectacular comes out of the nowhere knocks your colorful socks off! :0) (((S.A))) -joanxxx

Hi SA

Thanks for your supportive post

I am really pleased to read that you are carrying on carrying on

Am proud to be walking along side with you on this journey

Stay strong positive and safe

Take care Suzanne xx

SA

Fella glad to read you have taken your head from the old Lion's mouth so to speak!!

Fella I do get it what you write about folk who go back at it after lengths of time living in abstinence,something I did myself,over two years gamble free and boom,back I ran,throwing all I had at my disposal addictions way.

For me without it I would not be where I am today.

The truth is I have one documented episode of gambling since I started recovery but behind that I have twenty years relentless progressive addiction to get over,like you fella that will take a lifetimes work.

There are days when I open the cupboard and it looks like the best option to get in there and hide,those days where always more frequent when I was in action.

Life is hard fella,don't make it harder!!

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi SA,

I am a fellow funky sock fan! A psychotherapist once told me that people who can get a buzz out of the little things, are the statistically happier ones! Me, well I definitely experience more joy than most around me, but I also experience more pain too. I have such extremes of emotion in my experiences. I guess it's better than never really feeling any spontaneous joy at all. Gradually, bit by bit, the joy is starting to become more prevalent than the pain.

Hope this is happening for you too.

Take care,

f x

Hey SA,

Keep on keeping on. Every day is a new start and with colourful socks on it can only be a good start of the day 🙂

Take care and be kind to you

S x

Hi SA,

Well done on pushing through those long shifts....in the past I've worked 10 days in a row with a minimum 12 hours in the office per day, all so I could have gambling money when payday came in. Now that seems a totally stupid thing to do, but back then it made perfect sense. Putting those reserves of strength towards getting back on an even keel is a much better use than putting it towards gambling.

As Duncan said, bouncing back from the slip is something we've all had to do, for me I went nearly eighteen months, paid off all of my debts, before reaching a balanced situation, and then gambling so I had to do it all again. It's a recovery process, and while I hope I don't have to do it again, I know that's a possibility.

Your idea for colourful socks sounds like a good one, especially in the line of work you are in. Keep on the right track, and hope the work gets easier as you get back into the school term again.

All the best

Ryan