Hope

Day 56 gambling free. Thanks for your wisdom folks.

As for me, well... bla bla bla ... nothing I haven't said before. Life goes on.

Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi SA,

I am back here again, just starting out

See you may have had a slip a few months back, but it's good to see you are still battling away with it and doing you best to beat it!

Weldy

Day 57 gambling free.

Thanks Weldy and yes still battling away in my own way. I thought I'd write today as I feel fairly upbeat and positive. Strange for a wet and windy Monday.

Am feeling a sense of achievement at work. Others are starting to acknowledge my commitment. Its like I don't especially need other peoples positive comments, but its always nice when it comes. I work with some very difficult and challenging kids but for the last few weeks I have been one of a number of people who have provided that consistency and continuity of care. I am pretty tired and at times emotionally drained but thus far I have been pretty resilient... more so than I'd imagined. I will persevere until half term and maybe beyond if am asked to. I guess tomorrow I might have a really s**t day and change my mind and thoughts but today this is how I feel.

I am also resilient is that I am able to cycle all that way and back and in all weathers. I cope with it and today I even enjoyed cycling home in the rain and the wind. Now that ive invested in my bike with winter tyres and rust proof chain and decent mud guards and proper wet weather gear, its become ok. I am physically tired much of the time but I am ok, I am resilient.

I am making a difference, albeit a small one, to other peoples lives and that feels good. I have a sense of purpose. I need a sense of purpose especially when not having chidren. I need a reason to get out of bed and at the moment the above is it, combined with some running races coming up.

Its all a bit tenuous of course. My whole life has always been a bit tenuous. Living on the edge as I often call it. Sometimes I get scared and alone and see nothing for my future, but these feelings do pass. I know I have potential to enjoy life more.... I just need to embrace opportunities a bit more.

Anyway like I say. I feel positive today and felt the need to write.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Yo,

That was a pleasure to read.

That you were recognised for the good work you do.

A deserved pat on the back.

I hope you get more of the today or that the upbeatness continues as it shows it's possible that everyday does not feel like walking through mud wearing concereat boots.

Take care my friend 😃

Shiny xx

SA

my honorable friend,glad to see you are embracing life and in return it gives back fella.

I too love to cycle in the rain,funny because I guess by how quiet the roads have been the rest of the world doesn't lol.

As shiny said great to see your effort recognised

Keep making the right choice fella.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Pleased you are feeling so positive. You do have amazing resilience, there is no denying that.

I'm sure working with such challenging kids is not something many people could do at all, never mind do well.

Patience is a virtue, and you have it in buckets!

Just read through your last number of entries in the diary SA, well done on pulling yourself away from it...keep up the good work mate

Hi SA

Thank you for your posts my friend. Those ups and lows eh? I suppose the healthy balance is on the way. Anything is possible, and even more so if we keep making the right choice.

I'm in this fight with you, we can do it 🙂

Have a nice weekend (or what's left of it lol)

S x

Hi SA,

I like the word resilience, I see you picked it out a few times in the last post. Cycling to work in this weather certainly does require a resilience, but it is the mental resilience that is most important I guess. That resilience to temptation and the whispers of victory that gambling sends our way. Being resilient enough to do that means you can endure, even if everything else in life doesn't always fall into place.

Hope you had a decent week,

Ryan

I just wanted to say that I really admire your patience. It is something that doesn't come easily to me, and watching someone else dealing with something patiently, is like watching a magic trick. It completely escapes me as to how it is done, but I want to be able to do it too.

I am working on it. I was reading back through my diary for some reason the other day, and I came across some posts from someone who was sort of saying "you're wrong, don't say that! you have no right to say that! it's not that way, it's this way". I re-read the response I gave, and in hindsight I could see that I could have been more patient than I was - HOWEVER, I also noticed that I was fairly patient in my response, if a little bristly. I was certainly respectful, and didn't lose my temper or resort to insults. That deserves recognition too I reckon. I am a work in progress - and the progress deserves celebrating too! wahey!

As does yours.

We're great, aren't we? lol

take care,

f x

HI SA,

Just dropping by to wish you a calm week. I know we are half way through it already lol, but hope your taking it steady with work, abstinence and exercise.

Proud to walk beside you and let's keep smashing through those days..life will get so much better with every day we abstain.

Hugs your way

S x a

Day 66 gambling free and thanks all.

Tough day today, struggling I was. Work I mean not gambling. Am too mentally and physically f****d to even contemplate the big escape. I just get home, eat rubbish, watch cr** on tv and go to bed. Not a life at all but as I said in my last post I make a difference to the lives of others much less fortunate than myself.... that's got to be a good thing eh.

I did the Birmingham half marathon once more last weekend... 1 hour 54 mins. Same as last year. They played chariots of fire on loud speakers in this underpass as ya got close to the finish. Just for a few seconds I felt like a hero of modern times. All good fun if ya like that sort of thing

Life continues. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi SA,

well done on the half-marathon! wonderful that you managed to match last years time, considering you are feeling quite run down.

Sorry that work continues to be hard. Sounds like it also comes with a sense of achievement too, though! That is an important factor in maintaining wellbeing apparently - so it's not all bad.

Have you got any holiday you can take, to give yourself a rest? It is good to recharge your batteries.

Take care,

f x

Day 68 gambling free.

Thanks Freda and yeah I feel chuffed to bits that I have got to half-term with no sickness, no cancelled shifts and "done my bit" for the disabled kids that I work with. I might see if I can actually go to bed later than 9 pm tonight and get up later than 5 a.m tomorrow morning.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi SA,

Good strong post, be proud, because it's not an easy journey,

Best wishes,

Suzanne xx