Hope

Hi S.A.

Thanks for your reassurance. I used to love those puzzles, might get one for myself actually. Best wishes S.A.

Dee

Ive just been watching this programme about food addiction.. about the addictive process.. about the dopamine high.. and the dopamine crash. It was something I have been aware of for a long time and can relate it to me, but it was nice that in the closing part of the programme (when talking of other addictions).. they actually mentioned gambling addiction.. and not just the usual suspects.. ie drugs and alcohol.

I am a gambling addict. Gambling was my anti-depressant. The key to my recovery is hard work, one day at a time for the rest of my life.

With food they made this analogy that once a pickle you cant go back to being a cucumber, same with my gambling.. once I crossed that line into irresponsible gambling there is no going back to responsible gambling.. I would fall back into my old patterns.. my dopamine craving very quickly.

I think the one thing about gambling addiction is that you can stop the activity altogether (albeit with hard work).. but you cant stop eating. But then i also think that you can go for long periods of time without gambling only to then do alot of damage in a single gambling session. I must be vigilant at all times. I do not want to be a gambling addict but I am. I am learning to live with it.. one day at a time.

Regards to all who read this .. S.A 🙂

hi starting again,

thanks for the post,I'm now on day 5 and feel quite good about thing's.....just got to find thing's to fill the time will take your advice and get my self to the gym,i am a member but ain't been for a few months as i always make some excuse that I'm to busy..lol...funny how i was never to busy to spend 10 hours in the arcade......the best thing i have done so far is my self exclusion.....as i said i only really gambled in a particular chain of arcades....my worry when pay day comes is that i go somewhere else!!!.....at this point in time though i feel quite focused I'm very aware of the feeling that comes over me when i have money in my pocket spare time,and an overwhelming wish to play the machines....i'm thinking of going away for the weekend when i get paid to give me somthing to look forward to,but i can't keep going away every time i get paid......just hope in time my life will be full of thing's to do without thinking about the bloody machines....

thank's for leanding an ear.

reguards.

green x

Hi SA, cheese on toast, pringles and grapes. Hold your cyber plate out my friend, how does lamb stew with vegtables sound, followed by apple blackberry and custard strudel? In the middle of a cook up. So darting to laptop between chopping, stirring and the like. Making lots of stick to the ribs food today, we've got snow here and its very cold. Brrr.

Also crying lots today, big release. Never cried in the begining as I was so shocked, then angry. AH is doing his best to comfort me, but men hate tears. Kinda shaken him up, I never cry. Ah well, he'll cope, I feel good about them so no worries. His turn to deal with something that makes him uncomfortable. Take care, love Ostrich x

Hi SA

No ramblings here either. There's a first!!

Take care

Steve E

Hi SA

Thanks for posting on my diary and thanks for your honest advice.

I hope its ok for me to ask you about bankruptcy....DO they always take the house? There is no equity in my bros house. Also it is the family home. DO they take your partners belongingsassets etc into cosideration? Is a gambling debt treat different to other debt?

Just questions whizzing round my head.

My bro goes to CAB again on Tues.

After all that, how are you doing?

Y

I am doing good today thanks Yvonne (comments re bankruptcy in your diary).

Today I had a long session down the gym.. 10.26km's in 1 hour. Not quite my best but am certainly getting back on the fitness after the xmas lull. Am also eating healthier for the most part...breakfast anyway. Ive got into the habit of meusili (dodgy speeling) with fruit juice.. mango and papaya is my favourite. I feel better for having a healthy breakfast. I may have rambled on about this before, i cant remember now lol

This afternoon i bought myself a sensible waterproof, with a hint of style. Its red.. am trying to get away from the black and navy blue that i have worn since birth. Red suits me i think. I certainly have more style now i am not gambling.. when i was gambling I had no style I was a dishevelled wreck at all times.

I havent done any socialising this weekend, unless you include a brief chat with some bloke in the sauna about larger ladies doing the aqua-aerobics.. the details of which I will not talk about here lol By the way I would never in a million years do aerobics.

Anyway, as i say.. not been out socialising but feel fine about it.. it was too dam cold to go out last night anyway.

No thoughts or urges to gamble. I have some lingering stress about work.. which may get worse as the evening progresses.. this being sunday evening. But I wil cope with it. Takeing my life one day at a time as always.. thats all I can do.

I no longer live my life at a million miles an hour.. calm, relaxed life as much as i can make it.. in tune with the elephants and tortoises rather than the rats. regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Wow!!! Good on you. Sounds like you are in a very healthy place. WIsh I could get there...love feeling healthy and fit. Not been to the gym in weeks but have been eating healthy. The gym is great for you mental state I think, the stress relief is great. THink I was addicted to it once - couldnt do anything before I went to the gym....these days after work I feel so tired.

Heres to a good sleep tonight and less stressful work day tomorrow.

Keep up the good work and thank you for replying on my diary.

Y

thanks for the post s.a

just read your last post,and like you a got to start living my life at a slower pace...when i was gambling it consumed so much of my time i found it hard to fit a "life" in around it...i would either be thinking about gambling,gambling or rushing around like a mad man......I'm sure you are right and in time my thoughts about gambling will become less.....it's just early days.....

sounds though you are doing well...keep up the good work and thank's for your support.

reguards.

green x

A fairly good day today. I was feeling a bit angry and wound up at the start of the day but that soon dissipated. No thoughts or urges to gamble. Steady as it goes today. Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA

Do you not wander into chat at any time. All's well this end. Glad your day got going.

Regards

Steve E

Hi steve.. I don't use the chat.. but can't do any harm to drop in from time to time.. I will do that.

Am just back from a GA meeting. I have mixed feelings about GA but I perservere and go once or twice a month.

It was a good meeting this week..some powerful therapies. There was a member who had been off it for many years and a new member who had gambled today. What really got me thinking though was in the pub afterwards.

A few of us went for a couple of beers and I do mean a couple.. not 6 and a whisky chaser. The contrast between us all was stark. The new member was present but not present if you know what i mean.. there was the wild anxious eyes of a man who's thoughts were eleswhere.. unable to really listen or engage with others. Then there was the member who had been gambling free for years.. who was generous in getting the beers in, engaging in conversation whilst also able to listen to what others had to say.

The conversation got on to gambling war stories... the things we had done to fund our addiction. But whereas for some us these events were somewhere in the past.. like a distant memory.. for others especially the new member they were current and very real and very fightening.

Sometimes I can just look into someones eyes and know that all is not well. I have been there, trapped in my own thoughts.. full of regret and self-loathing.

Not anymore though.. not me. I bought a round, enjoyed the company and made my way home, without having to fight off intense urges to gamble, which usually happened after beer. All i could think of was a bag of chips and wanting to get here to write in my diary before my thoughts faded into history.

Sometimes I don't fully recognise how far i have come but today i do. With time and patience and living my life just one day at a time I am becoming stronger in myself, more confident and more able to cope with what life has to throw at me.

Regards to all who read this.. S.A 🙂

Hi SA,

You are a great inspiration to all of us. I admire anyone who is not currently having urges.

I never thought I would like GA at all. In fact, I have little interest in hearing people whine about their problems........until it was me and I realized it was not whining, but an honest expression of pain.

War stories are such a therapeutic tool. We all have them and no matter how bad we feel, someone in our presence has one which is worse.

Thanks for your words.

Hi SA

A thoughtful last post. Not heard the term "War stories" before. As yu state you could see in the person's eyes that the pain was still fresh. Let's hope he got enough from the meeting to want to go back.

It's great you are working your recovery to its fullest potential. I find low levl maintenance keeps things ticking along. I can get myself highly strung if I go to deep. Been overdoing the diary of late (if there is such a thing). May have to ease off a little. Being aroung gambling stories sometimes gets me thinking!

Regards

Steve E

I think its just one of those days where am feeling over tired. Its been fine dont get me wrong.. not struggled with anything gambling related. Have just used my brain at work today and now its shutting down. Should have gone to bed and to sleep a while back but instead tucked into jam sandwiches and talked rubbish on phone to mate.. which i guess is positive for me..with my hermit tendencies. Anyway am rambling. another day passes gambling free. yeee haaa 🙂