Hope

Oh it's all about the mighty profit in the directors pocket. I received an email from the chief executive yesterday stating how happy he was that we received some recognition in a letter sent from Matt Hancock!!! When I go in to work tomorrow and I am supporting somebody with symptoms of the virus....my protection is gloves but the thought of that letter will get me through the day no end ??? I don't even think we get double Pay on new year's Day that's how stingy these are. The only time they actually live there a*s into gear is when you threaten them with union action. 

Never mind an actual gamble, it's s gamble going to work these days unfortunately

Packer

Well exactly Packer, well said. Lets not make our situations even worse by gambling, its got to stay stopped.

I am dreading going back to work, even though I am bored and restless staying indoors. Iv'e just read a facebook post from one of my colleagues about her doing 15 hour shifts and how tired she is and here I am sitting at home doing f**k all. It angers me a bit, because all it would take is a phone call and i would come in (it clearly being a crisis situation) but clearly they don't want to do that, for whatever reason. I think am probably out of favour, not in the clique. I think some of it is this persons attention seeking behaviour as well. Look at me, notice me, look what i am doing, aren't i great! It annoys me when people keep going on about how many shifts they are doing, how tired they are etc. I think.... just get on with it or don't do it!... don't go around waving your flagging EGO in everyone's faces.

Clearly I have woken in a bad mood today. My mental health is slowly worsening.

Just for today.

Thanks for listening

Its crazy innit....(ps..i trust you look back ur diary page or two because i do post..but the delay in publishing ?)

Anyway,

Crazy times indeed. Before i went off it went absolutely over the top with jobs and every place we turned up had covid19 warning on top. Its unbelievable...scary..i can't even begin to imagine the poor doctors putting their clogs on for the day knowing what they will be faced with....but again, if you swear in for the nation...you're immediately committed for their needs.

I, same as you, find it difficult with work/home balance. Its just not happening for me. Im worried but i want to be there ....and i believe i will (same as you) be back just in the peak/thick of it for sure. Lets hold on dear friend, lets do our best ❤

Ummm..yeah, floor tiles is something to occupy me recently lol..maybe will start scrubbing each and every one soon..make it shiny!

Well, that's about it really...oh yeah, im officially ginger now!!!! DIY hair dyeing lol..loving it indeed!

Stay safe, stay inside, save lives SA....(whilst we have that comfort...when duties will call...we shall still remain vigilant and careful)

S&B xx

I must be honest I am not a Facebook fan at all. Never been on it but the concept of it seems pretty good however similar to your thoughts before alot seems to be ego driven by want self praise and I'm not into that c**P tbh ?

Received an email from my chief executive today.....his reasoning behind retail bonuses during this pandemic is that they are improving profits while we are just the same as usual so no bonus no raise but it's all worth it because of the smiles!!! 

I feel like sometimes life is more about who you know rather than what you know

Packer

Yes I hear your thoughts folks, much to ponder.

As far as facebook goes I don't actively use it myself but I do glance at my feed and look at peoples photo's and watch the funny clips etc. Lately iv'e read and watched people's experiences of Covid 19, which has really helped me, its made it real, proper real and got me taking my social distancing really seriously to the extent that yesterday I actually jogged down the middle of the road to avoid the person with the dog on one pavement and the mum with the child on the opposite pavement. People really are suffering and although 99% of young people don't die from it some do get really sick, really ill and really quick.

When I watch the news and see the updated stats on deaths or see these news clips of these Nightingale hospitals or politicians saying stuff, its just numbers, its just news clips, its just words, but its only when I see the reality of real people getting sick that you/I start to see the real crisis. My heart goes out to them. When your sitting on your own in isolation its hard to get a sense of how difficult and challenging the situation really is.

Anyway back to me. Am stressed about going back to work tomorrow. Am stressed about having very little money for transport to get to work though I do have enough food. Am reminded that actually a lot of my current stress is still to do with the aftermath of my gambling rather than corona virus, though I would imagine that as more gamble free time passes, that will change. I hope I hold it together at work. I hope I don't break down or have a row with a collegue over something stupid. I hope I don't get the virus in the next week, cos i need a full pay packet to start getting back on track. last month I paid for my internet connection but didn't pay any council tax. The progressive nature of gambling addiction.

Spoke to my mum yesterday. had a nice chat and it was a nice chat. I really struggle to pick up the phone. I still have a landline and for the most part it just sits here and gathers dust. Am glad my mum is fine. She is in a big 5 bedroom house with her husband and a garden. They continue to pootle around quite happily as young people arrive with food and to check on them. Same goes with my dad in a village in the countryside. Life largely goes on as normal... relatively speaking anyway. So that's good.

Just for today.

Thanks for listening

Ive just been watching the police parked up within easy sight of my kitchen window. One officer in the car another outside waiting. Waiting for what I don't know. Maybe they were just waiting for anybody to walk past, to ask them why they are out... this is going to be the new normal I think. Am just happy to have my work ID with me. Is this our new brave society?? Identity cards, downloading apps so our every movement can be monitored?? Colour coded citizens. Red for bad citizen. Green for good.

Off to work today via my mate's block of flats. i will leave him what he wants outside and then am done with him. He's not a mate really, just somebody who uses me to get what he wants. Am done with him now. he's one of these people that likes to be in control and will never admit to any character flaws. never says thank you or sorry. Ego the size of Jupiter

Am nervous about going to work. We shall see how it goes.

Thanks for listening

Hope everything went ok for you today mate

Packer

Well its been kind of a mixed bag Packer.

On a positive it seems I can now use my work ID as a bus pass. Which means i have spent no money today, which means i have more money to spend on food, which is always a good thing.

Am actually quite excited about the whole not gambling thing, because I can't imagine a scenario in which i might be tempted to gamble, because practically it isn't possible for me to gamble anyway. Iv'e also been reading some very well thought out posts about "why we do what we do" and the processes that goes on in our brain and in our thinking and what we crave. It is good for me to be reminded of what is really going on and it aint to do with money.

On a negative, it seems inevitable that i will get the virus if I haven't actually got it already. Today we had a woman returned from hospital by ambulance, whom supposed didn't have the virus, but was on a ward where other people did have the virus. Its just a matter of time. We don't have the PPE or the skills to be supporting people in there own flats whom have the virus. The women concerned has outside carers who didn't even know that she may have the virus and appeared at the office door clearly distressed that they had been in close contact with her. They called an ambulance and left. The woman concerned has a husband whom is not the brightest of people and a dog. I predict that instead of isolating with his wife he will continue to take the dog for a walk and then it will game over... the virus will be lose in the project.

Iv'e been watching more over those video's of people whom have had the virus. Young fit people whom don't die but nether the less still get very ill. Am gearing up psychologically for my turn.

On a different negative. I took clippers, tea bags, milk and sugar over to my supposed mate, after days of him bugging me to do it. I left it outside his flat and text him to say the things were there. Did I get a text to say "thanks mate", nope, silence. Selfish w****r.. I won't do it again.

No gambling

Thanks for listening

Sorry you had that experience. Maybe he's part of an old, addict life that you don't resonate with anymore.

I relate to your chaotic, unsafe key worker experiences. I work for a major supermarket, as you know and as yet, we still aren't allowed to refuse cash. I found myself in the position of saying to management "fire me, then because that's where I draw my line" when they were saying I can't refuse cash that has been in someone's mouth, or that has been handled by licking their fingers. I wouldn't stick my fingers in a power socket, just cos they told me to, either. It is not the time for blindly following orders. I mean, when it comes to care work, bums still need to be wiped but nonsense like that is about appeasing unreasonable customers and I won't have it.

Take care.

Hi Freda.. I can appreciate your anxieties around cash and the virus, trouble is people on the margins of society still operate in cash, even though we are of course being led towards a cashless society. For me I can't get a contact less card because I can only get a basic bank account and they don't allow it. Another reason not to gamble eh. Wear gloves.

Am feeling tired today but my body clock still wakes me up at stupid o'clock. I walked to work yesterday for the 7 a.m start which was a nice walk but because I new I had to wake early, my anxieties actually woke me at 3 a.m. I was playing online scrabble with someone from the far east at 3.30 a.m, they won, i lost.

Work was ok... sort of. I still haven't been asked to do extra even though some folk have gone off into isolation, but I know its coming. Its a job of work just to get into work. So much easier when you can just climb into a car. Another reason not to gamble eh. I can't even afford to get a bicycle. I can barely afford to feed myself

My hot water died again the other day. God only knows when the council will be in a position to replace the hot water tank. They are aware but given the circumstances, it might be quite await. O well never mind. I will survive.. hopefully. I still have my physical health.

Gambling feels like such a non-issue now. It is such a wasteful activity born of a wasteful, decadent, feckless society that is going going ... gone! We are returning a time when our priorities are simply keeping a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs.

Thanks for listening

Morning world,

Feeling tired this morning. Was asked to work a few hours at a different project yesterday. Its just down the road so i agreed, doing my bit and all that. The culture there is to wear masks on calls (which is good), so i did. It doesn't arf make it tough going though. I sweat alot anyway but with a mask on iv'e got beads of sweat on my forehead all the time. I can understand how hospital staff wearing the full kit can only do it for so long.

As for gambling, no thoughts, no urges, no opportunties, but the consequences of my last gamble are still apparent. Nephews birthday at end of week and I got no money till next week. My mum emailed me to remind me not to forget. I feel ashamed. It was the same last year. How we don't give these things a second thought when gambling. Its sad.

Anyway, onwards to better times. Thoughts are with Boris Johnson.

Just for today.

Thanks for listening

Masks do feel sweaty, don't they? it's what you feel safest with. Interestingly, loads of qualified medical professionals, have been at my checkout over the past few days telling me the mask doesn't "work" . For some reason, they seem qualified to speak about it, but don't seem to be practising medicine at the moment. One of them is working in Iceland foods instead! .... 😉 It's the strangest of times.

You can tell a poor opinion, it comes from someone clearly not qualified to give it, but will insist they know better than you. Classic sign!

You're doing just great.

Hey sa

Hope things are good on the work and gambling front.

Mad coincidence but since I've worn a mask I had a small rash around my nose!! Coincidence or am just dirty haha, I truly believe masks only work if the whole face is covered since it can infect you on the skin and the eyes!!

When you get back on your feet you can treat your nephew anytime then ☺️ it's horrible though what we do the impact it has on the innocent ones, glad you stood up to your do called friend too. I'd rather have nobody in life than someone who just used you and clearly doesn't have true respect for you.

Packer

SA,

Hey buddy. Just sending you my best wishes during a stressful time for you at work.

I hope you’re coping ok and doing well.

RR

Hey SA,

Just dropping in with best wishes, a cup of coffee/tea and some biscuits...so i can virtually sit next to you and take deep breaths whilst we go through these worrying times.

You are never alone...and more to that - im only a message away if anything!

Take a good care of yourself and stay safe

P.s. - loved the picture you recently posted ?..made me smile ??❤

S...... xx