I lost over £8,000 in the space of a week, and rather than dwelling on the past, in the past 48 hours I have decided to take action and hold my hands up to the fact that I am a compulsive gambler. I didn't have the guts at first to call the helpline however after speaking to Samaritans I finally plucked up the courage to admit my problems and I am hoping that in taking these steps I can look towards a brighter future.
I don't have a lot of money in the bank at the moment due to loosing most of it to my gambling addiction however what I can say is I have never felt so much relief in my life after finally grabbing the bull by the horns and taking the powerful decision to apply GamStop limits to all of my online accounts and then furthering this by blocking all gambling transactions on my bank card.
I have decided to take up the offer of CBT and I hope this will help me in my recovery and take me further onto the next stage I want to be in life. It's very easy for me to sit here at this small hour of the morning and dwell on the past but as Only Phil on YouTube stated in one of his latest videos, it's not me, it's not myself lying, deceiving other people to fund my addiction, loosing all of my money, it's the gambling addiction doing it. Only Phil has helped me so much and he has given me the courage to admit this problem.
The best thing I have done is talk to people. I really want to be on here a week from now, a month from now three months from now, six months from now, a year from now without a single flutter or gamble. I know the journey is going to be a tough one but I hope this community will be able to support me when I am feeling most venerable to the temptation.
Welcome!
You sound like you have a plan and a plan is a good first step. The people here are into CBT and that will help you sort some confusing things out. You have people here who are and have been in the same situation as you and they are good to talk to in the forums.
From here focus on the quality of your thinking. Use CBT or as I do NLP as a type of enhancer to your decision-making process. We base our decision-making on the experiences and history of our pasts. So to make a new and better decision, we will need to understand that process of making sense of our history to create a new and better one for the future.
Best
C
Welcome to the diaries Will.
Wishing you every success in stopping gambling and getting your life back on track.
Aum.
Thank you c43h and Aum for your kind words.
In the end I didn't feel CBT was for me and I didn't feel comfortable with idea of sharing my gambling addiction with a therapist. That being the Samaritans have helped me hugely, I have had to call them a few times in the middle of the night when I get that sudden rush of anxiety and stress when I think about how money I lost in such a short amount of time.
The good news is, I think the worst is over for me - I haven't needed to call the Samaritans for two weeks and I have been gamble free for 3 weeks. That being said if I need to call them again I will.
I really do feel as though time is the best healer. I am not proud of the money I have wasted gambling however I have come to realise how insignificant the sum really is when I compare it to the money I will now be saving by not gambling - Money I would never have kept hold of if I was still in the middle of a crippling gambling addiction. I am starting to think about life beyond the next year and even few years, I can see my future so much clearly now, yet when in the midst of my gambling addiction I was so focused on just the immediate present.
Hi @LondonWill
Welcome to the GamCare forum. Thank you for sharing your story. Sounds like you've made huge progress in the last few days. Well done on signing up to Gamstop and getting your bank to block gambling transactions. You might also find it helpful to look into blocking software. We have more information on this at the following page of our site:
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/blocking-software/
If you'd like a link that will get you free access to Gamban blocking software, just give us a call on the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or contact us on Livechat. We're here 24/7 and you're also welcome to call us if you're struggling with gambling urges.
Looking forward to your updates,
Keep posting,
Deirdre
Forum Admin
It's amazing isn't it, last week I spoke about how time is such a huge healer. It really is. I have not needed to phone the Samaritans for two weeks and I think I have fully come to terms with my financial losses. I am starting to treat money properly again. I do think about my losses and consider from time to time what I could have purchased or done with the money I lost but I keep reminding myself that this money can't come back. Instead I am focusing my attention on saving up money, setting little goals and at least now, I am safe in the knowledge knowing that money isn't going to be wasted or go back on gambling.
I was reading another forum post regarding re-valuing money again once in recovery and I agree with a lot of the advise I found in this forum. Actually spending our money on little treats is a great way of doing this. One of my methods that I have practised is creating a list of items I fancy buying on pay day. This has helped me greatly particularly as I then spend the next few days looking forward to something in the post arriving. The next step is scrap booking. I have wanted to start scrap booking for a long time and so I have decided once I get paid this is going to be something I focus my attention on.
For too long as gambling addicts we focus our attention on the short term and throw away any long term ambition. I can say at least for now I feel my long term motivation is slowly coming back. And although it's a hard journey that I have been on I really feel like I can start picking up the rest of those shattered shards of glass and gluing back together/reversing the damage that gambling caused.
Gambling has such a huge impact on our lives and it smashes through everything like an aggressive wrecking ball. I understand that there is a long way to go before I completely recover from the damage this crippling addiction causes and has caused but as long as I am continuously aware of the positive impact not gambling has had on my life then I see no reason why I can't continue to feel this enormous weight being lifted off my shoulders.
It may help that I have a faith, but I don't think it's ever an understatement for us, as recovering compulsive gamblers to remember and realise that life is so generous and rewarding. I went far into the countryside a few days ago and surrounded myself with nature, listening to the birds tweeting and soaking up those sun rays, something I would never have fully appreciated had I been stuck in that gambling rut still.
Until the next post.
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