how did I end up like this?

Thank you for your kind comment James, a few days have passed and my own bank has helped me. My girlfriend wants a joint bank account, I've told a white lie that I'm useless with money, and there's no way I'd take lumps of money out with my girlfriends name on the account as well! I'm scared of her (in a jokingly type way and I'd not get on her wrong side!) I can't face Christmas at the moment, will cross that bridge when I get to it.

It sounds like you feel that telling your girlfriend is out of the question and I respect that. As I said I havent told my wife so I am in no position to judge for that.

What I would advise you to consider is, for whos benefit are you not going to tell her? If it is for her sake to save her the pain and hurt then thats one thing, but if it is to save face or out of fear that she may leave you then maybe you should consider it some more.

The way your situation is at the moment, it doesnt sound like you can trust yourself with money. As long as this is a secret you will always have access to money in one shape or form.

If she loves you she will stand by and help you, and if she leaves you, well that is awful, but at least you will have made it your decision to give her that option. My worry for you is that you will keep gambling every penny until you are absolutely forced to admit it.

Its great that your bank has helped you. Just make sure you put any money you have gained from this somewhere you cant spend it all.

Take care of yourself mate.

James

22 days in and the good news is I'm doing well. I'm finding that if I have my time filled and I'm not spending too much time alone, I keep in control, everything is getting paid and Christmas is going to be on a shoestring BUT it's do-able. I've actually managed to pay a nibble off my credit card which is a start. Everyone above (Jamie) I'm so grateful for your words and help. There's alot of good people out there who don't deserve this illness we go threw but with each other's comments, views and kind words it makes me, especially grateful. best wishes everyone and take care x

POSITIVE panda wrote: 22 days in and the good news is I'm doing well. I'm finding that if I have my time filled and I'm not spending too much time alone, I keep in control, everything is getting paid and Christmas is going to be on a shoestring BUT it's do-able. I've actually managed to pay a nibble off my credit card which is a start. Everyone above (Jamie) I'm so grateful for your words and help. There's alot of good people out there who don't deserve this illness we go threw but with each other's comments, views and kind words it makes me, especially grateful. best wishes everyone and take care x

Keep it up Panda

22 days and counting

Tri x

For f***s sake!! 119 days clear of the slots and i've failed again today, if my iritating 45 year year old brother would go out the house or on holiday from time to time i'd stay in away from temptation!! instead he sits on his a**e picking his nose texting constantly, he's meant to be a Nurse and he's never at work and gets loads of holidays..never known someone to have so much time off, i don't no why he has holidays because he dosent go anywhere.....ARRG!!! anyway, i'm passing the blame to him when its all my own stupid fault for wasting money on a stupid stinking slot machine!! it dosent help though that i stay it as much as i can to avoid my brother who's got f**cking loads of money and wont bloody move out and has his mother running after him.... I had money i'd be out this house like a flash but because of MY STUPID actions, i'm stuck day and night in this bedroom and my only time out this bedroom is when I go to work or out with my girfriend. Im gonna get drunk now, ive failed again.

Did it again today, its gonna be me last. Six months time i'll be on holiday and I'm determained in 6 months time i'll look back at this yet another disaster of a day and no I'll be 6 months free of horrible soul sucking slot machines.

You guessed it, I failed miserably today, I feel sick, feel like crying and my stomach hurts in despair, I had a day to myself today and wish I'd stayed in as ive lost £280 of my savings after a relapse on slot machines. If i'd stayed in and just enjoyed the day relaxing i'd not be back here again. Its the SAME old patten with me, i get past 4/5 months of avoiding these stinking smelly slot machines and I relapse. The pattern starts with a streak of constanst luck THEN it happens as quickly as it started, standing pumping money in a machine, going back and forth to a cash point to lend of my credit card, then raid whats left in me bank and end up in a hole of despair. 6 months time is my holiday - If i get there - I hope and pray I get there and i hope and pray that I can keep this current feeling of despair to make me think twice about having a relapse again. Today all i see id blackness, one day I'll type sumit positive on here. Good luck everyone and fight this awful aditiction.

Oh panda...sorry to hear you are having such a tough time with the slots again....online slots were my downfall...f*****g things
...I'm only 30 something days gamble free so I can't really help with 're lapses because so far I've managed to fight them...however I'm fully aware that I'm one spin away from disaster....my saving grace is blocks on my devices....I hope you can brush yourself off and start again....good luck x

Thanks Loxxie, I've settled down now and having to face up to things. Luckily I've still half me savings left and slot machines are not getting them. Thankgod I've not progressed to online slots - I've never been interested and have always just physically gone to a slot machine. I think it's got to be 10 years on and off with being a idiot. I dred to think what I've lost. Good luck and hope your 30 days turns into 60 days and 6 months and longer. It's always reassurance to me that we are not alone with our addiction.

Thanks panda....and you hang on to those savings....hope you have a clean and happy weekend xx

21-4-16, f##ked up again and I'm £320 this week. Same old patten, I'm so angry at the moment I could scream. It's all my own fault. I've had had luck for 20 years now, this year I wrote off as another c**P year back in February. I can't say anymore as I'm fuming with myself

24-4-16 gods sake, did it again today. NO MORE, thats the lastb time....................i'm gonna promise myself that i'll be slot free and make a entry on this site before i go on holiday in August. I will not be beaten by a stupid machine.

So far so good, 27 days in, 13th of August is my holiday, would love to make it to 13th August slot free, watch this space.

Well done on the 27 days panda ..your doing it...
Keep focusing on that holiday..
You will have more spends if you do !
Gambling only takes ....never gives....good luck love x

Had a minor relapse last weekend (28.5.16) other than that I'm doing ok, drank a bit heavily this weekend but no I have and no it doesn't help my problems. Work on Monday and after 7 years I think this is the last year I'll half there as I have a new manager who is hell bent on making people redundant - schools are not a nice place to work in now, I'm still positive and If I am made redundant I'll have to keep busy, im thinking of going into health care or working with the elderly. My finances are still on the bad side due to gambling but it's stable and I'm paying everything on time.