Fear of my own fear
Is it possible to have one fear?
Can you be afraid of fear?
Am I hidding in the shadow of fear?
I can stand up for myself but can't stand up to me
I'm scared of being scared
I want to find myself facing my fears
Diving head first into danger
But don't want to hesitate knowing,
fear itself might hold me back.
Grasping me tightly until I fear all that is known
Scared of dark corners, creaking noises.
All together I still fear, fear the most.
This Journey
The bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless u refuse 2 take the turn!
I posted a few things that sum up this journey 2nite, the ups and the downs!
I am still gamble free, but I am really, really struggling atm I know this is all part of the journey and I don't know y I feel so tempted 2 destroy all my hard work 2nite but I do!!!!!!!!!
Thought I would post on here read abit see if it helps!!!!
I really don't know wot is wrong with me 2nite!!
Sorry I have not posted 2 others 2nite, don't feel strong enough!
I hope everyone else is ok x
hey charlotte...
Just popping in to say great posts ..xx
Fear of fear...yes..I know it well...the fear being worse than the actual "thing" we are afraid of itself..it takes on a life of its own.
Im not sure if this is the same for you hun..but when things are going well in my life and i dont feel deserving of them..the old self sabotage thoughts kick in that tries to knock me back down...
Trust me on this Charl....(cos i will be posting the same things in a week)...all it is is that you're out of your comfort zone...this soon will pass.
I believe in you and you will get through as this period will be unsettling in your new job but your confidence will keep coming up and up.
hugs
BELIEVE!!..YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH
R and D xx.
Charlotte.
"BELIEVE"
Duncs stepping forward never back
Gonna start running,
Not going to look back.
Gonna show the world my strength,
Gonna get my life back on track.
Never giving up,
Never giving in.
to the pain in my heart,
or the cuts deep within.
Staying strong,
even though it stings.
And though unstable,
I’m still able,
To make a new beginning.
Managed 2 stay strong 2nite and get thru some really bad urges when my bf got in from work, we had a really long chat about things. I have lots going on atm but I have 2 stay strong!
Gambling is not the answer to ne of my problems, I have 2 keep remembering this!
Nite x
Charl soz you had a bad night. I am here for you if you need me just write on my wall. I am not sure how to cheer you up. But you are a little fighter Charl and a true inspiration to me and many others. Onwards and upwards x
Gambling is certainly not the answer Char. You don't need to gamble. Your much happier when you are not gambling. You might not know it but you are a star. Your a legend in the making. Some of your poems on here are amazing. Your are true artist. They inspire us all and make us smile. 🙂
Lovely poem!! Well done Charlotte. Very inspiring. Don't give in to the urges. We only spoke a couple of times but you seemed such a bubbly person, full of life. Don't let a bad day ruin your attitude. Hope u'll feel better tomorrow . Big hug!!!
..youre right hun...gambling isnt the answer to your problems...but posting on here and saying how you feel is much better...
hugs
R and D xx
ps..even strong people need to cry sometimes Charlotte...I look at it like a detox... xxxx : )
Hi Charlotte,
"gonna show the world my strength" Yes, you are -- and you do every day my friend. You are soooo wise beyond your years my dear. You should be sooo proud of yourself. Here's a great big hug for ya. -joanxxxxxxxx
Hello Char,
Firstly am sending you a huge virtual hug ((((((((C)))))))))
Thank you for being there .,........I slipped but yes I am getting back on track...with each diary I read and post on I get a little stronger!
Am soooo happy that you passed....knew you would....clever girl!
The bad feelings will pass my friend....just cuddle your beautiful madisson and b/f
Good times are a comin'
Hugs Sue xxxxxx
Thanks all 4 ur kind words 🙂
2day as been another tough day..... Never thought this job thing thru really got paid yest lots of spare cash and so tempting!!
I have stayed strong so far and managed 2 resist!
I have been thinking 2day alot and something worries me reading diaries on here... I know as time goes by ppl find it gets easier.... I find it gets tougher... This scares me abit!!
This diary is about me being honest and this is how I feel!
I need 2 stay strong, I am really fighting with my own thoughts atm.... I have made a promise 2 myself if I mess up and slip this time.... I am not gonna continue on this journey and this is 1 thing that I am 100 % sure about!!
This journey is a real rollercoaster ride, I need to stay strong and keep going!!
I hope everyone is ok x
hi charlotte,
im sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. i hope its just been urges cos trust me you can deal with them, you have nearly got to the end of flaggs 90 days so if you you dont believe me then believe the stats.i have said this before and will prob say it again but when i joined this roller coaster ride the two people who got me too day 2 was ricky and you and i am eternally grateful for that so if in your hours of need there is a way i can repay the faith then you only have to ask.
you are strong, and you are doing it for you , for maddie, your boyfriend and a nice cosy life.
take care
gamble frees the way forward
carl
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