It's slot to stop

Thank you for posting Sandra and thank you for your comments, I have put K9 on my laptop now. I really don't know why I relapsed it was so stupid, it was Mr Gamble saying 'just one bet won't hurt' oh yes it did. I will learn from it - this addiction is nasty and I won't get complacent again and think I can control it! Really appreciated your post Sandra, thank you x Day 3 for me x

Hi Liason,

Well done on achieving 239 days! I know you would have liked to continue but don't be too hard on your self, this is a massive result and has no doubt had a positive impact on your life and those reading your story. It's almost more difficult as the weeks and months pass as we can forget how distructive and negative a lapse can be. Just make a mental note of the things you hate most about the affects of gambling and think of these things when you are if you ever feel the urge. 239 steps forward and 1 step back is better than 1 step forward 2 steps back!

Good luck and all the best,

Gyp

Thanks gyp68 for your kind words, you are absolutely right about everything, I am going to make sure that I am going to stay closer to this lovely and supportive site this time xxx day 4 for me

Just re-set my counter!!! So disappointed with myself for letting Mr Gamble persuade me it would be a good idea to remove my block on the laptop! When I installed K9 it said don't lose your password in case you need to uninstall it at any point, I can't get anyone to put a password for me, is it really necessary to keep the password? Could I just pick out a random word and for it to be never remembered again? Didn't do too much damage financially but if I keep doing this I am going to, plus I like myself even less than I already do! Today is a new beginning, got a busy day ahead so I will be safe! Have a good day everyone xxx

Hi liason. I too have had many relapses (although I never got as far as 239 days so well done you). I too thought I would self install K9 with a random password but the thing is if you link it to your e-mail account then you will always be able to get round it when the urge overtakes you. The only way to avoid it is to self exclude from the sites and ask someone else (a relative, friend or even a stranger) to set up K9 on your computer but linked to their e-mail that way you would have to ask them for the password if and when the urges come. Please be aware of other methods though - my husband installed K9 on my laptops many years ago but then I got a smart phone and started gambling on there... gambling will get you to do crazy things - I have been doing that knowing that if my husband found out he would be crushed and my 16 year marriage would be over. I always ended a binge session (eventually) thinking I don't need to self exclude because I won't do it again or next time I'll have control... I now see that I will never win unless I don't gamble so I have self excluded and my credit cards are destroyed. Please take serious steps to protect yourself from further harm.

You are obviously a strong person - you are sober from alcohol and managed to do so well not gambling for all those months. Don't let one slip up make you believe that you can't beat this because we all can we just need to make the right changes, help each other out and stay strong. I wish you well and look forward to following your journey x

Thanks Duckling for such kind and inspiring words, you are right about when that urge takes over and finding ways around blocks etc, when I was gambling before I had two favourite sites which I self excluded from when I started on my gamble free journey and stupidly thought that's it no more for me but about 3 to 4 weeks ago that urge got so strong that I opened up several new accounts then after realising how stupid it was and after losing I installed K9 only to uninstall it again a few days later! I will re-install it again and find someone to put in the password as I found it too easy to open new accounts, my tablet thankfully is fairly rubbish and difficult to play on! I am feeling ok today and don't want to gamble and am going to read your story and others to keep me strong on my new journey, thanks once again Duckling x

Dear diary it's day 6 for me, it's been a couple of busy days for me so not been that pre-occupied with gambling thoughts, just had to log into my bank account and it did occur to me that while on laptop should I just have a few spins but actually looking at the number of betting transactions on my bank statement was enough to put me off! I am working this weekend, hope all of you have a good gamble free weekend x

One week free of mr Gamble!!! That is awesome dear Liaison!

We learn from our mistakes so we don't repeat them again..might take few goes..don't beat urself over it - it's work in progress! ..you are doing just fine..keep on trucking ☺

S x

Thank you, Day 8 for me, pleased with myself yesterday, had a window of opportunity yesterday and that voice was niggling away in my head 'just a little go' but I didn't let that voice get to me so I kept busy and I kept thinking one day at a time and I will rack those days up again on my counter! Off to work in a bit :(, have a good day everyone x

Day 0 again, finding it so hard this time around, today I was meant to be studying but instead I have wasted most of the day gambling! So disappointed in myself, I hate myself as a person when I am gambling because that's all I can focus on, if someone is talking to me I am thinking please leave me be so I can get back to gambling! Just re-installed K9 again! I am going to be a grandmother this year twice! Two of my three daughters are expecting and the little ones will be 3 months apart, I don't want to be a gambling nanna, I don't have much money but I want to be able to spoil them as much as I can and not wasting my money on gambling. My stomach is turning, I hate this addiction! Start again and take one day at a time, at least I am at work for the next 4 days so that will keep me busy and then make sure I keep busy when I get home by knitting baby things and catch up with the studying I should have done today, oh dear, going to beat myself up now! Why didn't I come here first thing this morning or phone GamCare and explain how I was feeling? X

You didn't come here or phone GamCare coz that little f****r Mr Gamble turned your brain to mush promising you great wealth if you didn't tell a soul!

People say it's very hard to get back up after a relapse & you are proving that but it can be done with new measures. Have you looked @ the counselling? Can you get to GA? You need to do something to re-train your brain so the little weasel can't crawl back in!

What about a new card & scratching off the security number as another barrier? Maybe give your laptop a flying lesson off of a very high bridge (no diving in to save it now) or if that's a bit extreme, I think it's Loxxie (apols if it's a misquote) that has used parental controls to block sites.

You have to focus all your strength on moving forwards, leave gambling in your past - ODAAT

Yes...I'm with bt broadband...just added the 'block gambling sites " using the parental controls...works a treat...so much so when I done a quiz in the bar...someone tried to cheat...used WiFi to get on a site about grand national and it blocked it....lol....
I also have my laptop to my daughter....have never used phone to play slots....only associated laptop with playing slots....x

Thanks ODAAT and Loxxie for your comments, I am with BT so will try that as well, two barriers in place on the laptop would be good! As for my 3 digit number on the back of my card it's memorised so time for a new card! GA meetings are too far away for me, perhaps I should go back to my AA meetings and apply the same principles to the gambling, in fact I have the AA 12 steps book so I am going to start reading that again, thanks xx

Great that your with bt....it works a treat.....

Dear diary, day 4 for me, blocks in place and making lists in my head of things/chores to do when I get in from work so that Mr Gamble doesn't keep talking to me! Feeling ok, better than I did a few days ago! X