Hello all,
As you can see I did have a thread on here 3 years ago which for me is a tough read as I never really got there. here i am 3 years down the line and of course still battling the curse that is compulsive gambling. I can only call it a curse as no matter how good life is it is always waiting in the background to attack you when you have an off day.
but for me ive worked hard to get my life to a point of stability and there is some amazing things around the corner that i cannot afford to lose, so this will be my biggest and most active attempt to finally kill this awful addiction.
I have a good job which pays well, a solid relationship and a lovely home which we are renting. So stability is the key to start the fightback! To ensure that this is the time I have joined a gym (which has helped alot in the past, arranged to see a counceller on a weekly basis and the biggest move of all was to install blocking software on both my laptop and mobile where most of the damage has been done.
my partner now has the passwords for both gambling avenues and of course its a weight off my shoulders as i know that even if that gambling part of my brain triggers i will be in a safe place.
this diary is part 4 of my biggest recovery attempt, i will post daily on this so please come and say hi and we can all do this together. ive been gambling for 15 years and im finally mature enough to finally admit enough is enough!!!!!
Hi Edmundo,
Your story sounds so familiar to mine and many others welcome back, Like wine you have good years which are sweet and bad years that you just want to pour away, the good news is 2017 is the best year on record for quitting gambling enjoy it and live life,
All the best
Hi screw ball,
thanks for the message, for most gambers countless attempts just dont work out but still have to try and be truly ready to quit.
I think our story is very similar i can see you were on my last thread 🙂
how far are you along your recovery now?
sam
Day 2
had a full lengthy day of work, so nothing to note there but more importantly i cleared off a pay day loan as the interest was pretty high. unfortunalely it was the only way i could cover up a relapse as i maxed out borrowing from my bank. but anyways im going to be paying of loans in big chunks now. because theres nothing i really want or need and if it helps me feel better then it is by far the best way i could spend my money 🙂
thanks
Sam
Day 18
sorry for the jump in days but technically im on day 18 but day 3 of this thread so i wont confuse things 🙂
im doing ok with everything, just monitoring my moods but i appreciate it will take time to heal and my debt isnt going to go away fast.
im making all the right moves so just have to keep things up
Sam
Day 19
So things are still good, going to my councelling at 8.30 on thursday so that i can keep the ball rolling.
works going ok, if i get paid my overtime i just need to work out what loan i need to pay out first.
im no good with money but i just wanna throw all my money the ones with the biggest interest. but as a whole i have a great sense if security that i cant gamble even if i get urges. so i feel really safe which is nice and its only a matter of time before things come together financially
thanks for reading
Sam
Day 21
Things are going quick and its tough to keep up. I have had a couple of feelings/urges but at silly times of the day and they were repelled straight away.
Its pretty easy to manage at the moment but i still cant take anything for granted. If i think about my debt and im in a bad mood then thats when ill usually gamble.
All in all things are good, but i wont consider myself out of the water till im 18 months in as thats my "record". but one small step at a time hey 🙂
Sam
Hi Edmundo1337,
Welcome back to the Forum, and thanks for your post.
I’m glad that you’re now taking the necessary precaution to prevent you from gambling. It’s also a big relief to you that your wife is being supportive, and is the one with the password, so you won’t have access to any of your gambling sites. Well done also for arranging to have 1 to 1 counselling support to overcome your problematic gambling.
With all the above arrangements to aid you to stop gambling, it seems to me you’re leaving no stone unturned to achieve your aim.
You’ve done it before, and you can do it again if you put your mind to it, and as you’ve arranged to do now. 15 years of gambling is more than enough time to hang up your gloves. Thus, I do agree with you and also join you in saying: “enough is enough!”
I’m additionally pleased to learn that you intend to post daily into the forum to help with your recovery. That is a good strategy too.
I wish you the best in your recovery, and please keep posting!
Kind regards,
Beatrice
Day 26 Thank you beatrice for your kind words! I appreciate there is no half assed approach when dealing something so dangerous as gambling so as you can see ive put a few tough measures in and stuck to them. Though i am feeling the emotional benefits of quitting already. as a whole i feel gambling has damaged me so much i feel that i have lost alot of the normal "me" but then again if i stay strong time will pass by and i will get further into the safety zone. I have my 4th councelling appointment on thursday and they are going well. I really do appreciate gamcare as they are a charity that funded these sessions. the blocks i have in place have really worked and i think it was the key ingredient to gaining control. i know its only 26 days but then again i made it past the pay day struggle and i have to take the small wins as they come. =)
Day 29
Things are going good, just had my 4th councelling session and they are going great. i appreciated that i wasnt going to do this alone so proffesional help was definately needed. i have many sessions left and i find them incredibly useful. I have a gym programme session later as being healthy does help my state of mind alot. So nearly at 1 month, i know its early days but its a long road to recovery so i will keep doing what works 🙂
Sam
Day 33,
Still going strong, had the 1 month badge come up on my app and im feeling good. got a bigger payday at the end of this month, but theres little worry attached to it as the gamblig software blocks are a godsend. the counselling is in its 4 session and is working wonders, were covering mindfulness which is payig attention to thoughts. Im in the phase where i cant be complacent and i just try not to look at debt. but im in a good place and still fighting
Day 40,
Starting to get pretty far from gambling which is great, 40 days is such a substantial number especially to a gambler when a pay day poses the biggest threat. im starting to feel pretty good about everything. I get paid on friday and i get the chance to enjoy it with my girlfriend who i have the week off with. I have no doubts of where the money is going because i still have the blocks in place and they are working wonders so far. Im just working really hard at the minute so the 40 days has really flown by and im so proud of myself. quitting gambling is probably the biggest challenge ill ever have in my life and im giving it my biggest go yet! i know it will always be with me but i can never do it again purely because it damages everything that is good in my life.
thanks for reading
Sam
Day 50, a nice little milestone to reach and just goes to show that all the hard work pays off. I rarely get any urges as i know that gambling sites are blocked even if i went to go on them. ive just had an amazing weekend away with my girlfriend and its cleared my mind. although its tough being clear minded as i can really start to realise the damage it has caused. the counselling is very helpful and im 7 sessions in now, which to myself shows dedication and i will keep going with it. moneys going to take time to mend though there is alot more money available to me now that im not wasting it. so as things are going so well im going to carry on exactly like i am now.
thanks
Sam
Day 60,
So still going strong and im 8 sessions into counselling. I have 12 in total to attend so im very grateful that gamcare as a charity has made this possible. im starting to feel like im getting out of the danger zone though im never in the clear as gambling can come back to bite you even a year down the line! the thing im struggling with now is work. i really dont enjoy it anymore though gambling has forced me into a corner and its going to be tough to try new things. but im still fighting and im proud of the 61 days ive managed so far!
Day 75
Apologies in advance for anyone following this thread but i have been majorly inconsistent with posting. but the main thing is im still not gambling! I dont think ive gambling free for this long in a very long time, maybe 2 years. Im starting to feel alot more normal now and its been an emotional rollercoaster right up until this point! ive felt more lows than highs though. i feel like it was a depression linked to not feeding the need to gamble but im guessing my mind is getting used to the fact and is settling down now. work is stable but i still need to work on a bit more of a work life balance. the best thing coming up is that the fact my partner and i have nearly reached our 2 year anniversary of being together which is a great achievement for me as ive never had much luck with relationships. she has been an incredible girlfriend and supports me to no end, its just sickening to think i could have lost her because of my gambling
thats it for now,
thanks for reading
Sam
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