Letting go of the Comfort Blanket & facing my Demons!

Have you got the ability to write them in a word document or the likes? I use the notes section in my phone & then cut & paste if I know I'm going for an entire chapter (no grammar except a few triple dots & the very common exclamation mark). Touch wood I've been quite lucky with the Captcha & am up to 7 attempts before I could persuade it I wasn't a robot!

Good to see you back Mari...Don't let this put you off posting.

Thanks ODAAT 🙂

Hello dear diary....It's Monday, the start of a new week gamble free...and believe me my friend the week will end still gamble free!

Stepchange rang on Friday and that's my debt plan all sorted, accepted and payment schedule in place...They have been so helpful, anyone struggling with debt...dont suffer the worry & sleepless nights, ring them...They can help and are totally non judgemental, dont bury your head in the sand....It can be sorted!

Ok so I 'slipped' or 'relapsed' or whatever you want to call it 8 days ago but it's not the end of this journey, I came here mid December broken, depressed & full of guilt and despair....since then I've put blocks in place, told my Son and dragged my head out of the sand...I couldn't (or wouldn't) have done any of the above without the amazing support & help from the good folks here.

I can feel really feel the changes in me....I'm once again calm and in control of my life, I can now brush off situations that would have had me screaming & ranting a few months ago, I can sleep and more importantly wake without that awful morning after despair...my past demons are fading into insignificance slowly but surely...I have money in the bank, not alot but all bills are paid and up to date, I have a little savings tucked away and it's growing.....and most important of all....I'm putting time and effort into my relationships with family & friends.

So yeah...I fell....Just for a moment (actually 30 moments lol) but no serious damage done.....Ive decided to view it as a sharp kick up the jacksie to remind me exactly how much gambling gives me...Nothing!

Onwards & forwards I go.....

Mari x

Mari, that is a really positive post above and I'm really pleased to read the great decisions you've made recently. The debt management plan has helped to give me a lot of peace of mind and the creditors off my back. More importantly, I had to take responsibility for the money I had borrowed to gamble. I'm so pleased that you are back on track and it was great to read such a positive diary entry. Best wishes, Phil.

Hi Mari.

Firstly, I just wanted to say thank you for my lovely post. Also just wanted to add, that there is a big difference between a lapse and a relapse. You have had a lapse and have done exactly the correct thing, by getting straight back on track again! That's the way to do it and well done you.

It's lovely to read how different your every day life is too. Just feeling and doing normal things is great isn't it?!

Take care and enjoy another g.f week ahead.

Our Lady

I've noticed I'm not counting days this time around... strange... I used to really watch them, the day count on here & ticking them off daily on my kitchen calendar, even used an app on my phone.... not doing any of that. My thinking is that it's down to that probably for the first time I can remember...I'm not worrying about tomorrow anymore, today is today. I like this feeling ( cue a content smile). I didn't gamble today and this is what matters.

Went out today...Lovely lunch with a friend who needed a shoulder ...I was happy & pleased I could be there for her.

Purchased my Son & his partner a lovely gift for their new home together.....this gave me so much more 'buzz' than slots ever did.

Came home tired out, took my meds & inhalers made a cuppa and flopped on sofa.....My 2 cats joined me with purrs & snuggles and I just lay there thinking...Yeah I like this....Peace.

Today was a good day..Every day can be a good day without gambling. I'll take calm over chaos any day of the week :).

Onwards & forwards I go.....

Mari x

Good morning from Liverpool Airport (Frankie and Bennys. So pleased to read your diary, makes me feel hopeful for my own journey. Have a great day.Julie x​

​

​

Hey Mari!!

Yes the friggin robots...they have stopped me from posting muchly!! Brush that relapse away n keep going like you are! Oh my days, stepchange are a life saver an that online portal thing they do, how good is that!! They saved me along with my partner. Keep fighting my dear, keep fighting xx

Super posts - great to hear you being so positive - long may they continue x

Hi Mari :)).

Just catching up with a few people tonight after a while away and wanted to thank you for your last couple of posts to me and your kind words which were very welcome , so thank you xx .

Noticed also that you'd not been around as much since your relapse , so I hope your ok and staying out of trouble ? ..

I don't do preaching so all I'll say is sometimes you have to fall a little more before reaching out and holding on tighter to the ladder that's going to allow you to climb out of the pit that tries keep you down , youv'e done the right thing and climbed up again and that's all anyone can ask of therselves:)) .

I sometimes have to pinch myself how much my life's changed since stopping gambling , I don't tend to daycount nowaday's and have just logged on tonight to realise it's nearl 600 day's since I last gambled , at one point not so long ago I would have struggled to have gone 6 hour's without my fix , so after nearly 37 years of gambling if I can do it then you sure as hell can , you just need a but of focus and a bit of faith in yourself Mari , just as I've faith in you :)).

Wishing you well Mari and talk to you soon xx

Hey ...how you doing hun. ..
Whatever's happening. ..don't forget us lot on here are here !
Stay safe...keep pushing xx

Hi Mari. Just wanted to say that I've not forgotten about you. In fact you are very much in my thoughts. I miss your honest uplifting posts and sense of humour. I totally understand if you have stopped visiting the site in order to focus your interests elsewhere - it can become a bit addictive! But personally, I still find it helps me to respond and reflect, whilst re-inforcing my will to abstain. I certainly hope that you are well and remain GF. All the best. Keep smiling!