Life begins again

thanks suzanne as ever

every night i look up and i see stars. your one of them on here. thanks tri

Thanks for your comments on my diary, it was very kind of you. I have read through your own diary and you come across as very kind and caring. Your posts are open, honest and insightful and I can relate to most of your experiences of pain, shame and compulsion. You are a star helping those of us who have just started this journey and those who continue to struggle. Congratulations of your 588 days; wishing you many, many more xx

Thanks folks for your kind supportive messages:)) and annie thanks for reading my diary, I hope it helped a little:))

Good morning diary,

Day 589, in some ways it seems longer and yet Ihis addiction stills feels raw st times, especially when I dream about slots, Infact I

Seem to dream more now than earlier on in my recovery.

My last dream was Sunday night, not sure if I was in a pub or arcade, ( and real life slots was never my thing) but I was suddenly standing next to a machine, OH was talking to LM and suddenly started shouting at me, the machine was playing on its own, but my OH did not believe me, I had not touched it, while he was shouting at me, all these 50 yes 50 notes came tumbling out of the bottom of the machine and underneath them was a linen bank money bag, I even remember the colour of it, sandy brown, WHAT, and neither of us could bend down to pick the money up, we were stuck standing up, (as you do in dreams) lol, but I can still feel the excitement and joy of the money pouring out in notes, weird dream, I think it was my subconscious addiction, telling me something.

My OH never mentions my debt, but he does have a dig about the adverts on the telly, and sometimes calls me Mrs bingo addict, not as much now, I know he will never trust me again as far as gambling goes, but that's ok, as I know I can't trust myself again :))

Keeping strong, focused and busy as the Xmas period draws nearer, thoughts of gambling be it in dreams, or in my every day life can take a running jump, I am keeping my rational head firmly on :))

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free day.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne xxx

Hi Suzanne and thanks for dropping bye , I think as you say , we focus on abstaining from gambling so much and yet when I come on here I'm still living and breathing it through the posts of others , I believe thats whats draining for me sometimes , just all that concentration and focus on becoming well again ?.

Thanks again Suzanne , had some great positive responses from others and yours as always is right up there !

Take care for now ............................Alan

I wished wrote:

Thanks folks for your kind supportive messages:)) and annie thanks for reading my diary, I hope it helped a little:))

Good morning diary,

Day 589, in some ways it seems longer and yet Ihis addiction stills feels raw st times, especially when I dream about slots, Infact I

Seem to dream more now than earlier on in my recovery.

My last dream was Sunday night, not sure if I was in a pub or arcade, ( and real life slots was never my thing) but I was suddenly standing next to a machine, OH was talking to LM and suddenly started shouting at me, the machine was playing on its own, but my OH did not believe me, I had not touched it, while he was shouting at me, all these 50 yes 50 notes came tumbling out of the bottom of the machine and underneath them was a linen bank money bag, I even remember the colour of it, sandy brown, WHAT, and neither of us could bend down to pick the money up, we were stuck standing up, (as you do in dreams) lol, but I can still feel the excitement and joy of the money pouring out in notes, weird dream, I think it was my subconscious addiction, telling me something.

My OH never mentions my debt, but he does have a dig about the adverts on the telly, and sometimes calls me Mrs bingo addict, not as much now, I know he will never trust me again as far as gambling goes, but that's ok, as I know I can't trust myself again :))

Keeping strong, focused and busy as the Xmas period draws nearer, thoughts of gambling be it in dreams, or in my every day life can take a running jump, I am keeping my rational head firmly on :))

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free day.

Suzanne xxx

so so proud of you Suzanne. Amazing reflection!

tri x

Hi,.

Thanks for popping by and.posting on my diary. You always say the right things at the right time so thank you.

Keep up the good work and remember Mrs Brown!!!!!!!!

Best wishes xxx

Hi S,

Thanks for your supportive post ☺ not gonna lie, i did want to rage/shout and get my nails in ur hair lol lol..kidding of course, but ya know - truth hurts and hell..recently i heard so so many home truths i don't even know where to start.
Am i ready?
I don't know... 🙁
Do i want to gamble? - Hell no! I feel sick of the thought but as ya say, i have funds...funds = no blocks = plenty of time = disaster!.
I accept this thruth, i will keep working on it ok...i am not perfect and please forgive me if i make wrong choices..i know you do...i am just working of doing so myself.

I'm sorry I'm not talkative..it's honestly very hard...self inflicted, but I'm trying to stand bk up and fight ok...always will, you will see the scars when we finally meet 🙂 ( don't get scared..it's mainly mental scars)...lol.. and now i made ya run for the hills lol..ya know what i mean!

Catch ya soon....stay brave and strong for your lovely son, he counts on you ☺

S x

Hi Suzanne... still going strong I see, well done.

I have gambling dreams as well. They are usually quite bizarre (aren't most) and involve me not being able to get to the machine to play, even though i want to. Lots of subliminal messages there. Anyway dreams are just dreams. We wake up still with money in our bank accounts. Now thats a good thing!

Thanks for your support as always.

warm regards... S.A 🙂

Hi Suzanne, i'm back, you can guess why. It's a pretty desperate day to-day. I posted a new post in the new to gambling forum, so you can see what happened to me. You were strong for me last time, this time ................. i really don't deserve you support, but they say you have to reach rock bottom before you stop, I guess I have.

Shoot - is it Friday already? d**n those nightshifts cause I'm lost lol.

Sorry for scratches yesterday 😀 didnt mean to sound like I'm in a fighting mood. At the minute it's just a daze and i guess even mr G beating me up is not painful cause i feel f***l! (Self inflicted).

Anyway, thanks for dropping by ☺ ya know where i am anyway so don't b scared to type a text now and again (or even Whatsapp if you have one)..or FB lol..still don't know how to navigate that piece of work but...since i prob will go bk to stone age with no phone again, we can start writing letters to each other ☺

Ok, that's where my mind is at. Not crying but laughing out of my stupidity really. Gonna try and change into more decent clothes shortly, go to supermarket (o*g!!! social place...brrrrr..deterrent lol), drop by to fill my tank at the garage (that will take me to emergency overdraft...shoot :-/) go bk home, have a bath, something to chomp on since appetite been zero emotions last few weeks and get bk to my pit ☺..and that's the plan hooligan huh 😉

Take it easy yourself ok...keep writing, reading, go clean few windows or perform a cooking session ☺..anything to help you to pass through today...and tommorow is just another day to tackle which we don't have to worry about today..

Blah blah..I'm full of bull here :-))))))

But ya get me girl

Later gator

S x

Hey nutter:)) you are not full of bull,I know where you are coming from,,just wanted to distract you for a minute:)).

and hey, I received those scratches not long after I wrote that post, :)))lol,

A dear diarist Paul wrote this morning about a huge loss, and I mean huge, but it was winnings that were won after losing that amount, but of course then lost as we know we can't stop.

This addiction keeps us feeding it in different ways for every soul on here. Some folks to zoom out, some folks for greed, and some folks because they think they enjoy losing money, time and health, this is the addiction lying through its teeth and it is better at lying than CGs, Infact its better at everything that an active CG does.

I get you dear S, hope you have got some alcoholic beverage to unwind with tonight, it will help you sleep, even cats have to sleep lol.(but don't tell juniee about me suggesting alcohol,) lol.

Take care dear little friend and thank you for caring,

Laters

Sxxxxxx

Whoops lol, that post should have been on Sandra's thread :)))

Good morning diary,

592 days of winning, my addiction hate me writing that down:))

My Xmas budget is going to plan nicely, not much more to get, have been buying pressies since October at a nice slow pace, not spending too much in one go, and my addiction hates that too lol.

Don't have to worry about getting too much food in as we are going down to my sons in Essex for Xmas, for 3 days.

This Xmas feels and is so different to the miserable ones I had before my recovery started, I am focused on everything around at this time, except for one thing online slots lol:)), yes I am having some weird dreams lately, and gambling seems to be everywhere at this time, but am stronger than Mr G at this time, and apart from anything else, I simply do not want to go back down that road, it would be utter madness for me, I have come too far now lol:)) my addiction hates that too:))

Busy day ahead with family popping round and a bit more Xmas shopping, yes life is ticking along nicely at this time, because I am making right choices in lots of areas and that can only be positive for me and therefore positive for OH and family.

Wishing everyone a strong, calm and positive gambling free Saturday.

Suzanne xx

So good to see you doing so well. It must feel great to be rubbing Mr. G's nose in it. Christmas can be a hard time for lots of people as its often stressful and brings up unwanted memories from the past. Seems like you're coping with it though, so good for you. As you've said to me many a time you're doing just fine 🙂

Enjoy you're gamble free weekend and I'll be thinking of you and your son next week.

As ever, OAU.

LB x

Hi Suzanne, well done on your 592 days of winning! Thank you for dropping by my diary and offering your wise words, which are truly welcome. Day 21 for me, so watch your back, I'm chasing your tail 🙂