Life begins again

Just dropping in to wish you a happy new year, you know where I am x

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Wot no cleaning stuff...Want me to have a word with Santa?

Hope the voddy knew when to stop drowning you so that you have been on your best behaviour all night as planned 😉

I for one am glad you have decided to stick with the forum...It's always lovely to know you are around looking out for us & grabbing us when we stumble!

HAPPY NEW YEAR Blondie!

Happy New Year Suzanne
lovely post from you on 31st and like you I have made no resolutions.
Take care and I am so very proud of you
Cheryl xxx

Happy 614 days Suzanne! Thank you also for the sponsorship!
Have a great 2016 my friend!
Luv Steve! Xxx

I wished wrote:

Good morning diary,

It's New Year's Eve, and folks will be making alsorts of resolutions, and most of them will sadly not be kept.

It reminds me of this ridiculous addiction, that is gambling, I have not made any New Years resolutions lol, I am going to carry on just plodding through, slow though it is, it is the way I have always approached my recovery, and it is working, I don't want/expect too much for me, I just want to keep my recovery tightly around me, so this addiction won't harm me anymore.

Sadly (well for me anyway) I think most CGs do have to reach their rock bottom in order to start recovery, I think that the main reason CGs have a dabble is because they have available money, because they have the cash and they have not broken their triangle, it really is true, if you take one of the triangle away, it is impossible to play, and if CGs don't do this, I believe they i are not 100% ready to stop.

There is no way a CG can play responsibly, once we win and start chasing that win, (why we chase a win Is ridiculous but we do)

We are hooked and with me, I really did have to reach rock bottom, I stole from my OH, I took PD loans out in his name, I was a total wreck at the end, I sold all my gold, my car, I was in huge debt, (still am but I am in charge of how much I pay. Back) gambling broke my heart at the end, because I had nothing left to give it, I felt suicidal with shame, and yet it was sooo very hard to actually let go. but I did, and I have not once returned, my triangle is permantly kept broken, because obviously Mr G does try it on, and that is why I guess I will always keep it broken. But that is ok.:))

One of my favourite words on here is positivity, that has kept me going, there is always a positive to find from a negative ;)) if we look deep enough, and recovery is about looking deep enough at the bigger picture.

Addiction thrives on negativity, more than any other emotion in my experience, it wants us to feel negative, Infact it will try any thought/emotion going, and that is why we can never underestimate this addiction.

I was thinking about not doing the 2016 challenge, but why stop something that has been a fantastic tool for me, I have already joined Scottys once a month one, I do believe my addiction, thought good she is moving away from this forum, well Mr G I have baffled you today, by signing up to the 2016 challenge, 🙂

Looking soooo forward to seeing the New Year in, and putting this one behind, going to sons girlfriends Dads house to celebrate, jeez must be on my good behaviour lol.:)))

No New Years resolutions, because I know I would break them lol, and my recovery rollercoaster ride does mean itotally honest with myself.

Wishing everyone on this forum, from both sides of the fence, a very happy (gambling thought free) New Year.

Suzanne xx

Well done on still doing the challenge. Keep strong

Hi Suzanne, Happy new year, i am back from my Christmas sojurn, I guess I have to say it was a nice break from the anguish i have been suffering lately. I hope you enjoyed your Christmas at your son's. Just read your new years eve post, amazing. I am hoping I can take the positivity from that post and move forward with my life in 2016. I know my mental state is not great at the moment (having hit rock bottom), I have to repair that to allow my life to have any enjoyment, back to work tomorrow, a day at a time. Happy new year, catch u soon - Paul

Hi Suzanne

Missed you bubbling enthusism and support of late. Suppose with christmas around lots of reasons to be doing other things. Hope your well. Your partner in crime in gamcare forums tri x

Good evening diary,

Well that's Xmas and new year over for another year lol.

Mixed feelings since the new year, Infact I am feeling flat, and not very motivated, no not too much alcohol or food lol, think I had some sort of virus, since new year, and I feel some what shattered, the build up and hectic time up to Christmas can take it out on us, and it doesn't help with Mr G quietly stalking lol, behind,lol, but I knew my triggers and just pushed through, I never get to see all my family at Christmas, because they live in all different areas down south, and that is a big negative for me, even if I had a jet plane, I would not be able to see everyone lol, so I take the positive and think I can see them anytime if the year, as Christmas is far too overrated now :)) anyway I am glad it's over,

January is going to be a tight month money wise, as it's a long month til pay day, but we have had to manage on far less, so another positive from that one lol.

Just sooo pleased Mr G did not join me for Xmas, he knocked a couple of times, but I did not answer the door, I totally ignored him.

New year and new positivity about getting our house finally sold,(she says lol) and son has had no feedback on his biopsy yet, so to me that is good news, because he would have heard by now if it was serious.

Wishing everyone a safe and peaceful gamblng free day.

Suzanne xxx

Hi,

Just popped over to say happy New year and best wishes for 2016 x

Thanks for popping by - your message probably just stopped me doing something stupid

Hi Suzanne and thanks for your words of support . I think January is just a real craaapy month to be honest , as you say it's a tight month anyway , plus going back to reality { work } ! is not always great but I am slowly learning to deal with my problems , slowly but surely !.

Sorry to hear youv'e been under the weather but at least it will soon be spring and once again we can feel the sunshine on our faces and look forward to nature doing what it does best !

Take care of you and your's

Best wishes and thanks again '''''''''''''''''''''''' Alan.

Hey Blondie!

Keep it up and never forget that progress is the slowest action in this journey...tipu tapu! (Foot in front of another)
You're doing rather amazing frim where i stand - keep making the right choice!

Hugs, love, ..Sandra - coo coo xx

Thanks Balvaird, Alan, wantstosrop and Sandra, :)))

Good morning diary,

Feeling more positive this morning, and like a weight has been lifted (don't know why lol) I hate feelng low now because it reminds me too much of my mega lows when I was actively gambling, if that makes sense.

But I have learnt that the lows don't last too long, and are part of my recovery process, they come out of the blue, but soon disappear back into the blue lol.

Was asked at work yesterday if I wanted more hours, I did not dither , and think what shall I do, /not sure, about this, or say yes without thinking just to please them, even though I did not want more hours, I thanked them calmly and proudly said no thank you, I am more assertive and I am more of my own person, who now is making right decisions and choices for me, yes it would be a bit more money, but money is not the big issue in my recovery journey, my state of mind and well being comes first, :)))

It's like my choice to keep abstaining and maintaining, one day at a time ofcourse lol, it's the right choice for me to stay sane, and keep my well being, well being lol.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne

Just wanted to say thank you for your post on my diary and for your continued support. Very much appreciated.

Feb.

Hi Suzanne,

A belated happy new year to you. I loved your new year's eve post. I was a bit bleary eyed from too much prosecco to respond (I didn't trust myself to be able to type properly) but it resonated with me. Especially the part about the triangle. I want to thank you for all the support you've given me since I came on here. You were one of the first people to reach out to me, and I'll always be grateful for that. Your kindness and encouragement has made a big difference and I'm now doing just fine 🙂

Well done to saying no to the extra hours. It can be hard to say no at times, but it's so important to put yourself and your wellbeing first. Sounds like you've come a long way.

Keep on making those right choices. I know you will.

LB x