Life begins again

Thanks folks for your support very much appreciated:)))

Good morning diary,

I don't feel the need/want to post on my diary every day now, (but having said that I might post every day after today for 5 days) lol,

it just goes to show I still do very much one day at a time lol, because I can't see what is around the corner, I don't even know what will happen tomorrow, :)) my every days are not predicable, but nor am I lol.

I try not to be judgemental on here, because I can relate to all the behaviours of a CG, even the more disturbing behaviours:(( when active, and I can relate to CGs in their own recovery journeys:)))

How can I be judgemental it would be calling the pot kettle black, (if that'd the correct saying lol)

We will never get the upper hand and be on top,with this addiction, it will always give out the last punch in the face because we can't stop once we start, and it that is one of the things it simply thrives on.the only way we can overcome this addiction is by giving recovery 100% commitment and some more, and move forwards, might be slow going at times, we might feel bored with the whole scenario of it all at times, but we must hold onto our recovery journey and keep it tightly around us, it's the sure way to keep this addiction where it belongs in the gutter.

I could not work out what Duncs meant at the beginning of my journey, gift what gift I thought, I just wanted to stop gambling, as it had affected my health and my OHs in a big way, never mind the stress and anxiety of the debt I had obtained, I was more naive when I first came here, but I learnt something new every single day, and still am on here, still don't have wise answers for folks who

are daily battling this addiction, and Imam still naive and vulnerable in certain areas, but one thing I do know is how can I be judgemental to someone or something, when I have experienced their behaviours myself, my son may have to have another biopsy because Ihis tongue won't heal, I know that his continous drinking and smoking won't have helped the healing process one bit, but I cannot be judgemental towards him, I know how hard it is to abstain from addictions. he has my support and my love and my shoulder to cry on when needed:) he knows the right choice to make, I can't bully him/ scare monger him, or try anything else because it won't make the slightest difference, he has to make his own choice, hopefully very very soon.(plus he has his gambling fix too:(() which he firmly believed he does not have a problem with, the mix of all 3 addictions is not good st all.

As for me am dong well, my recovery gifts me every day, even if it's just that one gift to be on stand by for my son, the sooner his rock bottom hits the better, (if that makes sense) because I know that is the only way he will change his life, and believe me it will be for the better, for him and his family. He's my son, warts and all I love him and all I want for him is to be happy: with himself, as I said I can't judge him, just like I can't judge folks on here.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Phew feel better now I have rambled somewhat, x

Hello I wished,

Very good post. I myself cannot judge as I know i am deeply involved in this addiction. It is hard to break free.

I hope your son gets better and best of luck in your recovery. Thankyou also for your advice.

Toad

Hi,

Lovely truthful diary entry from an individual who is giving everything in recovery.

Best wishes x

Hi Suzanne , We can't control the actions / addictions of our loved ones anymore than they could control ours when we didn't want to listen . You winning your fight though , enables you to be available for the support of your family whenever the need arises !.

Keep on winning S , sending you my best wishes ! x

Thanks for the ongoing but especially recent support xxx

Thanks for sharing I for one will be happy to wait 5 days for another post especially if its as honest and thought provoking as that. Take care

KTF

Thanks folks for the lovely message, I truly appreciate all your support:)))

Good morning diary,

Had a lovely chat with Dan yesterday, mind you I was firing questions at him right left and centre lol, poor man could hardly finish his sentence lol,:))) but that chat has surely strengthened my resolve even more, thank you Dan, for taking the time to listen to me and answer all my questions:))

One question he did ask me which was to name just one gift I have received from my recovery, my answer without any hesitation was it has enabled me to understand and help my son, in a positive way, because without experiencing addiction myself, I would be in a different frame of mind with dealing and coping with it, I think I would have lost heart never mind patience lol.

Busy day today, work, and then a viewing on our house, fingers double crossed and feeling positive, no point whatsoever in feelng negative today:)))

Nearly half way through Jan, the sun is actually out and I am feeling good today.

Wishing everyone a positive, strong and happy gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Morning. I admire the way you are able to stay non judgemental towards your son. It must be good for him to know that you love and support him without condition.To be loved warts and all is a precious gift which not many people experience.When the time comes that he is able to face his addictions (and it will) he knows that he has you there waiting for him, to guide him through and gently push him forwards. He's fortunate to have such an understanding and loving Mum 🙂

Got my fingers and toes crossed for the house viewing! hope it goes well.Have a good day.

LB x

You're a top girl Suzanne

Hi S,

Thanks for your post! Not entirely sure which bit you found funny ("lol"??) , but yeah...thanks for your thoughts.

Have a good day and stay safe.

Sandra

Hi Suzanne , many thanks for your earlier post which made absolute sense , I'm glad I now sit back and look at things for a while and react when I've had a bit more time to reflect on things, I'm much calmer now and back in the zone !.

Thank you for always being there for us all .

Sending best wishes to you and your family

Alan x

Suzanne,

A flyer.

Something I've said a few times in the last week is some people get it quicker than than others and I think your one of em.

Go back to your 1st line on your 1st posting and you'll see that you got something even in them early days " connecting with others ".

It is good to support, I humbly think yoy don't need more digging. I think you inadvertently dug and found a gem but hasn't really realised it yet...

Just my thoughts

Thankyou LB, Martin, Sandra,Alan, GT and Paul, very much appreciated :))

Good evening diary, WOW how my mindset has changed, Sandra mentioned this a while back, and then Dan too a while back, did I look back NO, not even looking back without staring, but a post from volcano (Paul) today for some reason made me want to read back from my first post, well, to be honest was not nice to read, Infact it made me feel sick, thst feeling deep in the stomach, that was me a very insecure, frightened person inside, just grasping on one day at a time, and not knowing at all whether my relationship with OH would last ( because of me I can tell I was fighting for my sanity, the posts were so different to now, I can't quite believe now that that was me, but it was and I now know I have done the right thing as far as my recovery journey goes, to keep my diary, up to date, so I know how far I have come, I didn't realise I had changed, Infact recently I was thinking this forum had changed, but in actual fact it's me that has changed.

I have grown within my recovery, yes it's not nice to read back to my early days, jeez I only got to thread 108, and had to stop, that was enough for now, it's quite frightening to think now that I was so low and alone with this horrendous addiction, and I don't know now how I coped with building up to confess to my OH and how I found the strength to tell each creditor one by one that I wanted a plan with them, and all of this was when I was working double 10 hour shifts, but I did, and I realise now that I put just as much stress on myself when in the grip of gambling, I just diverted it to my recovery (it thst makes sense) the difference is everything i gave to gambling was a false want, I gave it everything and it broke my heart, but I realise now that I did reverse the same energy desperation into my recovery, because I wanted recovery more than I wanted that addiction,.but having said that , it had to break me first, totally, and it did.

My thoughts today are there is a thin line between gambling and abstaining, no matter how many weeks, months, years we do, if we don't stay close to our journey, and keep moving forwards with it, if we don't keep working at it, ok we are changing directions all the time, but if we let our recovery go, by thinking we are cured, or getting bored or complacent, we will surely relapse or start another dangerous addiction, these are just my thoughts for today, for me,

Recovery is for life if we really want to recover, addiction is self destructing and can so quickly shorten our life, we are all worth so much more, tomorrow will never be different unless we want to change what we would desperately like to.and we can, use those addiction horrible skills to our advantage now in recovery, because believe me it cuts the addiction dead on its heals.

Thank you again V for enchanting my recovery journey..

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free evening.

Suzanne xx

Good morning diary,

Have woken up to a good two inches of the white stuff, but it looks so picturesque (if that's a real world lol)

Good excuse for having a lazy chilling Sunday, had 3 viewings yesterday, and family in and out, so a nice quiet day, will be appreciated I think.

Wishing everyone a safe and warm gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Morning Suzanne thanks for your support yesterday and every other day. A few inches of snow here messing with the Sky signal. Good look with the house viewings this is the time of year it will pick up so fingers crossed.

KTF