Life begins again

Thanks again Suzanne.

A couple of pals effectionately call me Jiggy. As in jigsaw, there reasoning is that I get all the pieces and throw them all about, but my reasoning is that im putting them all together☺

It really is good in Jiggy's world

Hi Suzanne,

Thank you for your post on my diary. I really appreciate your support. I hope that you have a fantastic, gambling weekend. When we choose not to gamble we are guaranteed to win!

Best wishes.

Dave X

Hello Suzanne,

I have a question for this cyber friend. Something I'm going to ask also with a 3d friend of mine.

I think I know the answer but only think.

I have a tendency in holding grudges, I know it holds me back!!!

So the question is, Do you hold grudges, or do you let them go?

I think your answer will be the latter but why?

My wish would be for you not to answer straight away or dwell on it but come back with your view, when you've had a few minutes to think about it....

Suzanne,

Thanks for taking time out and answering that. I think I agree with you that I don't hold grudges with gambling or the reasons why.

But, shoot, even though I don't seem to dwell on perceived injustices, some things pee me off more than they should. It's usually work related. And I can hold the grudge years down the line...

So my conclusion after reading your answer to me is, I'm not happy with my lot.... Progress not perfection comes into the equation there for me.

Have a nice day

Suzanne , I love you ! Simply because nobody has ever called me intellectual !!! LOL.

This place is great , it works so differently for everyone but the key word is" WORKS" !, it may take some longer than others but it still works !.

Have a great evening Suzanne x

Suzanne, you shouldn't give a hug to a self induced fosters shoot day .

But accepted none the less so thank you ☺

Hey , now steady on , KInd , sensitive and intellectual it's all getting too much to take in on one day !, but feel free to carry on if it helps with your recovery ? LOL !!

Take care Suzanne x

Thanks for popping by this morning always lifts my spirits to get a quick hello from you.

Great to see you tottering along and staying gamble free. I love that word tottering don't know where it came from don't think I've ever used it in a sentence before (hope its not to long and intellectual for you)

KTF

thanks Suzanne. Keep up the stalking 🙂

Thank you Suzanne for your kind and supportive post. I nearly fell over last night but with the support of my long suffering husband managed to get through the night without a hitch.
Best wishes
Rosie

Hi,

Thank you for popping over with your kind comment on my diary.

Hope you have a fab gamble free week.

Best wishes xx

I think you got the right amount of S's in possessiveness so you didn't need Dr google.

I know this is Dan's line but I'm not blowing smoke up your ar.se but you do have a great open mind. Keep doing what you know is right...

Suzanne.

You had me completely stumped there. I was going to say, I haven't really a competitive bone in my body, but that would of been a lie.

So I'll try and answer that question-
As a child I was competitive with older bro. Either had to be tougher or smarter.
At school I was competitive in any class I was the best at. If I wasn't I would just mess about.
As a young adult I was competitive as a bricklayer and if I wasn't the best, I'd probably sulk. And truthfully this continued through to even now.
As an adult addict my competitive came about if a friend said they were sick, or had a s***t day, well I was sicker or my day was s*****r.
I have a competitive streak, when someone says I can't do something. I need to prove them wrong, more than myself.
The odd time I have done sport, if I was one of the better ones or fitter, I would of been competitive but as my lifestyle took over, I would do the habit of a lifetime and sit on the sidelines with a ciggy.

So I'm not competitive per se, but yes your question has proved I am.

So Thankyou and now I need to channel it in a healthy way.

An emotional stunted competive person. Shoot, Suzanne I'd never thought about it!!!

Any day that allows me to grow as a person is a good day.

Thanks for helping Suzanne 🙂

Thanks folks for your very supportive messages, very much appreciated:)) and I want to thank each and everyone on here for sharing their own journey, quite a rollercoaster we are on :)) but is sure is worth it to not be brainwashed by gamblng.

Good evening diary,

Pleased to see Jan out of the way, even though the family dramas in Jsn are still ongoing, and the house is still for sale ohh))

Son still has his tongue infection, on different mess now, some sort of csndida thrush that won't disappear:((

3 other family dramas unfolded in Jan, and we are only into the second month of the year lol, can't say my life has ever been boring, it's always been an up and down rollercoaster ride or as Volcano says like a game of snakes and ladders, but do you what dear diary, I coped with the ups and downs before Mr G came along and I am quite chuffed to be able to say I am coping with them now without Mr G:))

He lurks near by, just waiting for a chance, and yes sadly I do miss him, (hated him when I first came here, he broke my heart) but this addiction keeps trying, the thing is now I want recovery more than I want him, and he hates that, no way would I want to go back to zombie land, my mental health simply would not take it, looking back now I am surprised I wasn't taken away by the white coats:((, Infact looking back now I have to think was that really me destroying myself.

I can't get away from online slots (jeez it's on the TV 24/7, I still get scam emails, so every time an advert comes on, it reminds me, but I am getting better st letting it go over my head now, even OH does not make sarcy comments when the adverts come on, so we are both progressing along nice and steady, the past is in the past, but neither of us will forget, but that's ok, still work in progress with OH about attending a GA meeting, I feel ready to attend one now, but OH not happy with me going to one, he's fine with my bible as he calls it, (my diary) and I guess he thinks that's enough, strange we are totally honest with each other, but we are still walking on eggshells, (if that makes sense)

Still have issues with money, don't like not having any, but don't like having money around me either yet, it's not just the gambling bit, I have mega scars with the money, how I used to just blow 100s in one day, guess I am still quite scared of it, because I totally abused it and even 1000 meant absolutely nothing to me, so that's why I am still quite scared of money, but am working on it, I do appreciate every single penny now,but still don't like buying extras, it panics me and puts me on the defensive if that makes sense, but I know it's the addiction talking,even so it still stresses me somewhat.

So to sum up after nearly two years of abstaining and maintaining, yes ofcourse I feel good every gamble free day, it's just that the scars and the aftermath are still around, haunting me at times, and occasionally I would love to just chill out and play online slots, with a tenner,and then win or lose just walk away, but that can never be, because if I started I would not stop at a tenner, win or lose.

Ideally I would like to not have to think about the aftermath of gambling at all, but it comes with the territory of being a CG in recovery, and if I am honest with myself, what I have learnt on this journey far outweighs the scars I have, and that is very positive for me to keep moving forwards, one day st a time.

Wishing everyone on here a positive and happy gambling free evening,

Suzanne xx