Life begins again

41 days is a 'proper' break. Keep going and keep building. It's so hard, but read some of the success stories on this site - it can be done. I'm right behind you.

Mm

Hi really nice post you put on Sandra's Diary.

CL

Morning Diary

Day 42

Still don't feel like me (whatever me is now)

The old me before gambling totally controlled my life has gone and will never come back

This I am beginning to accept but I have become stronger and wiser oh yes definitely wiser to the misery and desperation gambling brings

Am learning everyday about my addiction

It's there at the back even when I am trying to have a normal family day with little man and OH

Family think she has not played for 42 days she must be over it now God if only they knew the truth

it's there at the back 24 7 they would. Not understand even if I tried to explain that

The innocence of my mind has gone if that makes sense

I know exactly what I have been capable of and it is frightening to think I could have been capable of worse

It's THE Monday again day off Triangle out of the window have all 3 today even money cos I can easily pop up the road and put what bit of money Ihave in bank or nip to shop and get ucash voucher

But I won't because a tenner would not be enough to play on I know I have to deposit at least 70 to get any return

And even worse if I put 500 or 1000 on today I wouldn't win in the end because my wins if any would go straight back in

How sad and pathetic is that

I have got wiser and I know the score

I won't play today have wised up for today

My deterrent today will be my bible as OH calls it this forum I will keep it near by as I know moods and feelings can change like the wind

One hour at a time today will make one day without spending even one penny

Have a good strong gambling free day today all

Suzanne x

Hi Suzanne,

You hav got all the necessary tools in you to keep up the fight. The most important one is mindset and it is surely the right way to look at things. Accept it there, this addiction will always lay dormant close by, don't let it sneak in. Please take as much as you can from the other diaries. The emotional pain outweights financial loss (cause admit it..we can't win because we can't stop) it's so not worth it...

You are better person. You are a soldier. Make your life easier and not harder to live. You got it all, open your eyes wider, it's there, peace and happiness for you to enjoy.

I feel I sound a bit low here lol..d**n, not my intention. Just still a bit all over the place.

Keep the fight up, be proud, you are doing it and will go long way. Keep making the right choice...day at a time

Have a good and safe day

S x

Dear. Diary

8 years ago I wished upon a star and followed it getting higher and higher to where it was but I never reached that star

All I got was a total eclipse of my life and heart

And now today I am only reaching for my first goal which was to get to next payday without having spent even one penny on gambling and not taking any more PD loans out

In four days Friday the 13th

(good job I am not superstitious just realised as typing) I will have reached my goal and that will feel so GOOD so much better than following a FAKE star

Suzanne x

Hi Suzanne,

That's right. There is nothing for the likes of folks like you and me at those places. Nothing. Zero. Zip. We never ever win because we never ever stop. All we have to do is not START. The urges are just passing thoughts. They get weaker when we don't pay them any mind. Then they become further in between. You are a very strong woman too Suzanne, and you are not in this fight alone. Stay strong hun. (((((S))))) -joanxxx

Thanks H- L

I have been looking for your thread cos I prefer to reply personally because all posts mean a lot me but I could not find you

I really appreciate your reassuring words

The way I feel at the moment about never getting me back is nothing to do with urges I do get them and do fight it it's what I have seen inside of me since this addiction took over I will never be able to forget that it took my everything about what I was away if that makes sense

I can never be that person again Even if I go 20 years without gambling it will not take the experience away

How can I be the old innocent me again I know too much now what I never knew before I went into oblivion with gambling

You are another very strong lady on this forum because you are behind your partner and supporting him to the full Like my OH is with me

Your OH hS done brilliantly to go so long abstaining

And I am so reassured that you can see he is getting back to the old him cos my other half will think the same

I have a long way to go to get to your OHs stage so maybe I will be able to forgive myself. But I already know I will never forget and that it is there for life for me

I wish you and your OH all the best sincerely you as a couple have come so far forward it can only make your relationship even stronger

Thank you

Suzanne x

H-L

Thank you so much Maybe I a. At the moment am too much in the regret side of it all I really wish I can have Day without thoughts of my destruction and I did totally destruct myself and therefore my OH half life how am I supposed to feel when he has txt me today to see if I have 3.00 In cash to give him for tomorrow

What can I. One word !!!!!!

Suzanne x

Good morning diAry

Day 43

And 3 full days til payday and my first goal nearly there

Thanks for your very welcome thoughts HL I did mean he genuinely wanted 3 in cash cos he does not carry cash he says my mess Up to me to sort it out I have always been the one to sort finances out BIG JOKE

It just made me sad to know I got us in this mess

I think he is making me face up to the damage I have done which is ok

I am keeping positive and determined not to spend even one penny on gambling today

One day at a time

I will win today cos I am not going to play

Have a good positive gambling free day all

Suzanne xx

Suzanne,

Thanks again for the post on my diary, you made me feel great it's funny that if someone posts im happy as there sharing things with me. I am happy with your 43 days one day that number will be there for me but one day at a time as you say. I am going to be here a lot and most likely will be a loyal follower of yours. So i look forward to a really positive post from you tomorrow.

CasinoRoyaLoser

Dear diary

My ok day has gone well no probs at work and have come home and read some good positive posts which makes me feel better cos we can all win today if we don't play today

and I am definitely not playing today

Suzanne xx

hi suzanne pleased your still doing great!! well done. will catch up in a week. keep it going!!

bring it on!!!

gazza

Thank you so much for posting on my diary, your doing marvellously well Suzanne keep it going, let's keep kicking gambling into submission.

Gambling is no longer part of our lives, it will only be in it again if we let.

Every day and month.goes by were a winner financially and in life by nit gambling.

Take care

Fitzy

Morning diary

Day44 and 2 days til payday

Did not sleep well last night all sorts going round in my head and the little sleep that I had was plagued by weird thoughts in my dreams but can't exactly remember what the thoughts were but not good

So am up early feeling deflated and worn out

Good start to the working day I don't think!!

Longish middle shift today that I will struggle to get through as so tired but has to be done

I know my moods change quite quickly these days so I am hoping I will buck up soon please

It's been a tough month with little money to spare have got through on bare essentials for me and OH and I know we have to do the same next month

I have got through this month with not gambling and not taking any PD loans out or any form of borrowing

It's a hard lesson I am learning for my addiction and it is a big load to carry but hey PD loans don't go on forever I think they will be gone by Xmas

What a bloody awful mess I have got myself into

Urges to gamble today are minus 1000000 zero none whatsoever

Don't want to playi today cos I want to keep my sanity

Today

One day a a time abstaining and trying to keep sane

The sun is out birds are singing OH wants his first cup of tea here's to the start of a new day

Have a good peaceful gambling free day all

Suzanne x

Nice post and glad to read no urges. Yes the pay day loans will disappear soon enough. Hope you have a quick shift and the tiredness goes away. Nothing worse being at work thinking about our debts and the time goes oh so slooooooow. I am checking on you daily so look forward to a post off you tomorrow saying no gambling. I made it to a week which is really good for me but my true goal is the 3 week mark something i have never been able to do in over 30 yrs.

CL